Monthly Archives: July 2008

I am obsessive compulsive

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I have so many quirky habits that it’s hard to sit down and list them. I was thinking about one of them earlier tonight. I noticed that if I don’t finish a cigarette–waste it, as I call it in my mind–I will “punish” myself by not letting myself have one later on when I really want one. I’m not sure why I do this. I swear that I have undiagnosed OCD. All of my things have to be arranged in a certain way, and if someone messes them up I notice immediately and it like, frazzles my brain. I also do everything the same way every time, and if I break that “routine” in the slightest bit I get really confused. A good example is taking a shower.

I set up my desk at work the same way every morning and put everything away when I leave, only to take it out again and arrange it in the morning. Same thing at home.

The list goes on and on. (;

Ten Things I Love About Tony

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I want to write about each person I love, so I decided I would write ten things I love about them. I just got off the phone with Tony, Mike’s little brother, so he’s first! (:

Ten Things I Love About Tony

  1. I love how, as soon as I walk in the door, you run up to me and give me a huge hug.
  2. I love how you always expect a kiss from me whenever you see me, and every so often while we’re together.
  3. I love how you always ask me for gum, to the point where I buy it specifically in case you ask.
  4. I love how all you talk about is playing Call of Duty, and ask over and over again no matter how many times your brothers or your mom say no.
  5. I love how when we hang up, you say “peace” instead of “bye”.
  6. I love how sometimes you’ll hang up every time I call, and laugh the whole time.
  7. I love how you’ll save a seat for me when we eat dinner, or you’ll ask me to sit next to you if there’s a place open.
  8. I love how, when Mike says something silly, you and I will look at each other and you’ll say he’s cuckoo.
  9. I love how when it’s past your bedtime and we’re watching a movie, you’ll snuggle up with me and use my lap as a pillow.
  10. I love how silly you can be, and always make me laugh.

There’s a lot more, of course, like how just seeing you cheers me up and how you’ll show me your new toys. You’re always and forever my “little man”. (:

Seeing red again

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After countless needles being stuck in my arm for blood tests, being shoved into a tiny machine for an MRI, going to physical therapy with the weirdest trainer, having electrical shocks and needles to test my nerves and other random tests, Dr. Lichter told me everything is normal and I should go swimming and get a gym membership. Well, duh, of course working out and swimming is going to help me. Especially in the middle of the night, when I’m in so much pain I just lay there and cry.

Right.

Riii-ight.

This all started over a year ago, when I was at work and my left arm went numb from the elbow down. For no reason. I’ve been to three doctors about it, and apparently none of them have a clue. Two of them are supposed to be the top in their field. (The first is a pediatrician, whom is in the top of his field but that field would be irrelevant, so.) Two weeks after the numbness started, it went away and I had a normal left arm again. A few months later, it came back, with a vengeance. It fkjfhsdcking hurt. A year later, it still pulls the same shit, and now it’s in both arms.

But exercise is going to help. Yeah. Maybe if I was 300 pounds and did nothing but sit in front of the TV all day. No, I don’t spend all my time exercising but I’m not completely unfit, either. I don’t see how lifting weights and aggravating whatever is already wrong is going to help. Swimming, maybe, but I don’t see the point in paying for a gym membership just to go swimming.

fjhdjkdhgkjdh

So after wasting all this time and money, they still don’t know what’s wrong with me. All I can think of is, now I know how Kurt Cobain felt, with his chronic and unexplainable stomach pains. This is probably the biggest stress factor in my life, and can sometimes be really depressing because a) chronic pain is never fun and b) I don’t know what’s wrong and how to make it go away.

Mom said maybe it’ll just go away. I wish, but it’s been over a year and it’s hard to be optimistic at this point.

Why so serious?

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Ugh. I’ve never gone through a weekend and described it as “long,” but I guess this is a start. The odd thing is, I don’t want the weekend to be over yet.

Highlight of the weekend: seeing The Dark Knight with Mom. I need to go see it again. My life depends on it. Your life depends on it. I’m thinking IMAX would be good.

Low point of the weekend: having a breakdown. Hooray for being a depressive. All of the details are on my latest post on Scars Can Speak, as I don’t feel like getting into it all over again.

In an hour I have my appointment with Dr. Lichter, my specialist in physical medicine and rehabilitation–or so says Google. (What? I couldn’t remember what he was, hahaha.) I have to remember to tell him about my left wrist hurting for three days straight, and my right wrist/hand hurting like hell last night. [Confused? So am I. I'll write about this soon, I promise. :) ]

You know what’s really sucky? The fact that I can’t read half of everyone’s Lj’s anymore because of the friends only thing, and I refuse to log into that place. GAH.

back to life, back to reality

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So I’ve started importing all of my LiveJournal posts. As of now I have May 2004 in, from my stranglingivy Lj. Weird thing is, it didn’t import any of the comments. /:

I will warn you: I was fifteen and used a lot of ^_^ and *dkjgshdgkj*. Looking back, it’s really annoying. Also, I was going through a really hard time so a lot of my posts are really dark and full of self-loathing. Sometimes I was really frank and very blunt, so excuse my teenage cynicism and enjoy!

It’s really weird reading old stuff. One of the posts was a survey. While I was reading it I was amazed at all the things that have changed. So, because I’m unmotivated and should be doing better things, I’m going to do an updated version!

BODY ILLS AND SKILLS
Do you bite your nails? not anymore. I like them long
Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? yes
Can you blow smoke rings? yes
Can you blow spit bubbles? eew
Can you flare your nostrils? yes
Can you cross your eyes? yep
Tattoos? still don’t have any, but plan on getting one as soon as I get the money and can find a good calligrapher
Piercing? eight
Do you make your bed daily? I never saw the point in it

CLOTHES
What goes on first, underwear or socks? panties
Which shoe goes on first? I was actually thinking about this as I was reading the old one, and I think it’s always the right one. I dunno!
What jewelry do you wear 24/7? thumb ring, earring, bellybutton ring, gauges
What’s sexiest on a guy? I love Mike in just jeans, bare feet and no shirt. I don’t know why, lol!
What’s sexiest on a girl? I feel sexy in my boyfriend’s clothes :D
Favorite Piece of Clothing: old, soft tees
Pajamas: tee and shorts, unfortunately

FOOD
Have you ever eaten Spam? nope
Favorite Ice Cream: cookie dough, of course
How many cereals in your cabinet? not enough
What utensils do you use to eat pizza? my hands, c’mon now

GROOMING
How often do you brush your teeth? twice, maybe three times, a day. I’ve gotten really anal about that.
How often do you shower/bathe? every single day
How long does your shower last? 10, 15 minutes, depending
Hair drying method? blow dry then flat iron
Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? it’s been blue-black, burgundy, black and streaked with pure blonde, pink, and now it’s pure red (those pictures are coming soon, I swear!)
Would you rather have genital herpes or be 50 lbs? I still say I’d rather be 50 lbs, ’cause at least you can gain it back. ironically, after taking this survey, I struggled with an eating disorder. /:
Do you swear? like a trucker
Do you ever spit? only if I’m sick

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE
Animal: wolf, still
Food: sushi, Chinese, ice cream, pasta, Mike’s mom’s pasta salad
Month: October
Day: Fri, Sat and Sunday ’cause I don’t have work (:
Cartoon: The Little Mermaid
Flower: tiger lily
Shoe Brand: Converse and whatever is affordable but looks nice
Subject in school: I hated school.
Color: magenta, black, teal
TV show: Burn Notice, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Degrassi, Instant Star
Movie: The Crow
Holiday: Halloween
Vacationing Spot: Deerfield Beach, FL
TV Station: I don’t really watch much TV

IN AND AROUND
The CD Player: Faith No More’s “The Real Thing”
Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors? sometimes, to make sure I’m not messy or anything, hahaha
What color is your bedroom? don’t have one
Do you use an alarm clock? unfortunately
Name one thing you are obsessed with: Ryan Shuck
Have you ever skinny-dipped with the opposite sex? still hasn’t happened
Ever sunbathed nude? that hasn’t happened yet, either
Window seat or aisle? the window, especially if I’m flying over the ocean

LA LA LAND
What’s your sleeping position? usually on my stomach, but I tend to spread out all over the damn bed
What kind of bed do you like? one that isn’t on the floor
Do you snore? not to my knowledge
Do you sleepwalk? nope
Do you talk in your sleep? so I’m told
Do you sleep with a stuffed animals? sometimes

WHICH IS BETTER
Apples or Oranges? apples
One pillow or two? two+
Deaf or blind? I hope not
Pools or hot tubs? both
Blondes or brunettes? haha, now I’m into blondes
TV or radio? Internet, DVDs
Snooze button or jump out of bed? shoot me.
Sunrise or Sunset? both, but the odds of getting my ass moving to see the sun rise are 1,000,000,000 to 1.
Hamburger or Cheeseburger? cheeseburger, with pickles and onions and ketchup and tater tots and more pickles.
Morning or night? night
Indoors or outdoors? outside
Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? when I was a kid I used to love xmas day, for obvious reasons. now I could care less.
Spicy or Mild? spicy
Spearmint or Peppermint? Big Red
Call or Write? write. getting letters is still more fun.
Green or Red apples? red delicious, macintosh, peaches
Rain or Snow? rain. I hate snow

♦

ED: I removed posts from my old LiveJournals a couple years ago because they imported very, very poorly, and most of the LJ XML was very, very broken. (11/07/2011)