I’ve been thinking about my decision to write a memoir this November, and the more I think about it the less I want to do it. I’ve tried to do this before, and each time ended up stopping. Mainly I think my problem is that people I know might read it, and it might scare them. A lot of it scares me.

So after thinking about it for a few days, I’ve decided this: I’m going to write a novel based on the things I’ve been through. That way, it’ll still be helpful to me and to others out there, but I won’t feel like I’m throwing myself in front of a train. If anyone close to me reads it (like, my parents or boyfriend), they probably won’t be as scared because it will be a work of “fiction”. (Yes, I know. My logic is so lacking here.)

This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I was thinking about what would happen if my old friend Donny suddenly showed up in town. I haven’t seen him in almost ten years, since Devon died in the 6th grade. Every once in a while I think about him and wonder how he’s doing; he was really good friends with Devon. So anyway, during all of this, I was humming “Mr. Man” (Alicia Keys and Jimmy Cozier song) to myself and BAM! something clicked. Now I have an idea for a story that I am going to write as soon as I get out of work. I keep looking at the clock and it is taking forever.

So basically, this story got me thinking about the memoir again and how I could do the same thing, but on a larger scale. I think this will make it more fun for me to write, too; now I can write to entertain myself, without worrying about what others will think of it. Because, let’s face it, it’s gonna be on my friggin blog. I need to not worry about what I’m writing as I write it, since that’s the whole point of NaNoWriMo.

Okay. Yeah. Neurotic much?

Anyway. I can’t wait until 1:15 so I can leave and go home and write!

PS: I just realized how bad this all might sound: “Mr. Man” and me being curious about an old friend. I don’t, in any way, mean that I’d up and dump Mike if Donny were to come back to town. I just mean that I’d love to talk to him, make sure he’s okay after everything that happened. “Mr. Man” just happened to be stuck in my head, which usually happens in the morning. (I often wake up with a random song stuck in my head. Yesterday it was “I Want It That Way” by the Backstreet Boys. Yeah. “Mr. Man” just happened to be inspiring.)