I’m almost done with Twilight. My prediction is that Edward is going to save Bella, but break up with her afterward under the notion that he doesn’t want her to get hurt again.

I have to say that I really liked this book. I couldn’t put it down. I sit here working right now and all I want to do is pick it up. (I brought it with me, for my smoke break later. Heh.) I haven’t been this into a novel since The Dark Tower series. I have a feeling I’m being set up for disappointment again, but I know I’m going to read all of the Twilight Saga books anyway. I am the type of person that can’t walk away from a good read.

Anyway, I have changed my mind about my NaNoWriMo novel yet again. I’ve decided I don’t want to write a memoir in any way, shape or form. I know this is going to disappoint some people, but all I could think of when the subject of writing it crossed my mind was that people I know were going to read it. I am not at all ready to share this part of my life with everyone yet. Maybe someday, but for now I just don’t have the nerve–even if I tell myself it might help someone out there. I’m not trying to shut anyone out. It’s just hard for me to imagine posting a chapter every day about the darkest time in my life, where anyone could read it. I know for the most part I won’t be judged badly, but it’s still really scary. I’m going to put the idea on the back burner for now and concentrate on something else.

There’s this story that my sister and I have had written out in our heads for five or more years now. I have attempted to write this story into a novel before, but gave up before I had really even started. In 2005, when I wrote down ideas for my first NaNoWriMo, I considered this story but ended up trashing it for historical fiction and horror based on the Donner party. I have a hard time finishing things once I start them, but I did finish my Donner party novel. I just didn’t win NaNo with it. In 2006, I again considered the story but trashed it for a, well, trashier novel. I didn’t even finish that, I hated it so much. Last year, I started The Cure Program and finished NaNo with it, but still haven’t finished the novel. (In my defense, I’ve hit a road block for the moment and can’t think up a way out of it.)

Even though I trashed the idea for other stories and never finished the original five pages I’d written, I also wasn’t sure that the world was ready for it. Sure, my sister and I believed in it, but at the time there was still a lot of hostility toward the subject matter. Now there is still some hostility but not as much. If by some chance it got published, I probably wouldn’t get as many gay bashers at my door, ready to launch missiles through my living room window.

The story is about two teenage boys on the verge of graduating who fall in love and bring out the best in each other. One is quite promiscuous and carefree–too carefree–and the other is introverted and empty. I have had this story outlined from A to Z for years now, that my sister and I made up over a few weeks’ period to entertain ourselves when we were younger. The dumbass that I am, though, never wrote anything down in outline form. What I did write down were some notes and the characters’ class schedules, but somewhere along the line gave up on the story and tossed everything. The five pages I had originally written–very bad five pages–luckily remained in a composition notebook, because some fragment of my mind was still sane at the time. So I do have an A,B,C,D-Z notion of the story now. My sister and I have been racking our old brains for the in-between details.

I hope to finish The Cure Program–which I always accidentally type as The Cute Program, heh–before November, and in the meantime work on this story’s outline, the short story I started last week, and my Tent City series. All I want to do lately is write.