Warning: Do not take more than the recommended dose.

This weekend has been crazy so far!

Mike and I got into another fight last night, the kind where it seems bad at the time but afterward you look back and it’s just kind of comical. We both basically dared each other to break up with the other, when obviously neither of us want to do that.

Earlier I hung out with Sandy and her sister Mary. We drank wine and watched The Hitcher, which was kind of lame. The only good part was when the male lead got torn apart by an eighteen wheeler. It also didn’t hurt that Sophia Bush played the female lead, and I have a huge crush on her. (The three of us came to the conclusion that it was all in her voice. It’s so husky and oooh! :D ) Sandy and I went home at about eleven, because we were all tired and Sandy is sick with a vicious sinus infection. (She also totally OD’ed on cough medicine, and missed breakfast this morning. She’s cut off.)

At about midnight I finally answered Mike’s frantic calls, because he knew I was mad and he wanted to talk about it. (Yes, I am still shocked. Heh. We’ve been getting really good with the communication thing as of late. I’m loving it. The last really serious relationship I was in had zero communication. I always felt like I was talking to a drunk and high wall.) He also had a terrible migraine-like headache, so I ended up coming over around 1:30 this morning to keep him company and to talk more.

It’s so weird. I have never experienced this kind of love. I know love is only a silly four letter word, but it really doesn’t come close to describing how I feel. I was so afraid to fall in love with him. Not only was I afraid of being hurt, but because of that past relationship I mentioned earlier I didn’t think I was worth it. I was so damaged, in so many ways. It’s amazing to think of how far I’ve come since I first met Mike. He has really helped me through, and I don’t think he even knows it.

I got way off track there. Heh.

I had plans for breakfast this morning with Lena, Sarah, Everett, Sandy and Nikki. I also made Mike come, because he loves Top o’ the Morning — the little diner we go to for breakfast — and their corned beef hash. (They make it FRESH.) Anyway, I barely got ready in time, because by the time I got home and went to bed it was nearly five in the morning. I also got woken up at 7:30 this morning, and woke up at 8:30 to get ready. I jumped in the shower, but got face wash in my eye — the kind that has those little scrubby beads — and I couldn’t get it out at first. I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital, it hurt so bad. (I was afraid the little bead may have scratched my cornea or something crazy like that.) By the time I got dressed, it was 9:40 — and we were all meeting for ten. I tried to call Sandy, but couldn’t get her. Then Nikki called me and said she wasn’t sure if she was going to make it, because her grandfather fell! (I hope he’s okay. I tried calling her to see how he was doing. My grandfather has fallen twice now, and it scares the hell out of me.) Then Lena texted me and said she was going to be twenty minutes late. I assumed Sarah and Everett were on their way, and Mike called to say he was on his way.

I got there first. Mike met me and got us a table, and then Lena came a few minutes later. She said Sarah wanted to sleep in and she couldn’t get Everett. We had a nice time, though, even if Mike had to run to make it to work and it was all rainy and crappy out. When I got home I finally heard from Sandy, who had OD’ed on cough medicine and whatnot last night — lol — and had basically been comatose up until she texted me. (Firefox doesn’t seem to think that “texted” is a word. Heh. Come on, Mozilla, get with the times!) I had also invited Joan and Sean, but Joan already had plans to go to the Big E and Sean had to work. Most of us may hang out later.

The pisser now is, I planned on going back to sleep when I got home. Unfortunately, everyone else is up now and naturally since I don’t have a bedroom — that’s a post for another day — I can’t lay back down. Not unless I want to lay there for no reason. So I guess I’m doing homework. Sigh.

Drama post, after the fact!

I’ve been fidgeting for the last couple of days, because I really wanted to rant but didn’t want to do so until I had already resolved it with the person. So, now that it’s been discussed and possibly resolved, I can post-rant, if that makes any sense. Heh.

To be fair, I’m going to use nicknames. On a certain day of every week, myself and a few friends get together to watch movies or whatever. Well, last week we planned on getting together as usual. My friend “Zeppelin” couldn’t make it, so it was just myself and “Jude”. (Ten-thousand points if you can guess where these nicknames are coming from.)

“Jude” was excited about it being an entirely female night, and bounced around talking about how if her male friend “Tommy” wanted to hang out, she was going to tell him no. Well, “Tommy” called and asked if “Jude” wanted to hang out. She said no but he invited himself over, and she didn’t tell him no as she had said she would. I jokingly reminded her that she had said she was going to tell him no, and tried to just go with the flow. Well, “Jude” asked if I wanted to invite Mike, so naturally now that “Tommy” was coming I decided to do just that. Before Mike got there, “Tommy” arrived and was beyond drunk. Fantastic.

Our female night of female fun went entirely out the window, and not only that but “Tommy” was drunk as a skunk. Now, I’ll drink once in a while and when I do drink I like to get drunk, so I’m not knocking a good time. He was beyond just a good time, to the point where he was just really out there and pretty annoying. Apparently he’d been drinking since eight that morning. GASP. (He did buy us dinner, though, so I guess I can cut the guy a little slack. The problem is that he drove while piss drunk. I tried to stop him but he insisted and no one else would back me up, so I admittedly gave up. I feel kind of bad about that.)

Anyway, after I got home and slept and lived through a couple more days, I started to realize that this was like a pattern. It was starting to seem as if “Jude” tends to put her friends on the back burner whenever there is a guy involved. “Tommy” isn’t even her boyfriend, but I digress.

So this evening I finally got a few spare minutes to call “Jude” and talk to her. At first it didn’t seem like she was getting the point, but we’re both equally stubborn so that may have had something to do with it. (And, “Jude,” if you’re reading this: Don’t even try to deny it. We are both ridiculously stubborn.) She did see my side, and then explained that she is trying to help him. I can’t really argue with that, since I always feel the need to help every single person, but I did try to tell her it wasn’t her responsibility to keep him safe. Only “Tommy” can keep himself safe.

Realistically, this isn’t much of a rant. You’ve probably figured that out by now, so if you’ve made it this far I applaud your bravery for reading a very unjuicy post. I just refuse to write about stuff that I haven’t yet discussed with the people involved.

But, for those of you who think Mike and I are perfect, we got into a nice little fight this weekend. To make a long story short, he was stressed out about home stuff and we both wanted to do different things and misunderstood each other’s intentions. He ended up taking out his frustrations on me and we both got kind of immature. (You know how it is. Once you start, ya just can’t help yourself. Heh.)

Him: “Are you gonna take your clothes?” (He was dropping me off and I was already out of the truck.)

Me: “What? I can’t hear you.” (I totally could.)

Him: “Are you taking your clothes?”

Me: “I guess. I can’t carry that bag by myself.” (Again, I totally could.)

Him: “Why? You’re not strong enough?”

I grabbed the bag and did the whole I’m-going-to-pull-this-bag-out-of-the-car-angrily thing and he said he would call me later.

Me: “Don’t bother,” as I turned and walked into my house. I didn’t think he heard me. Honest. It took me an hour or so to realize that I hadn’t meant it. At the time, he was being a jerk for no reason and wouldn’t tell me why he was acting that way, so I was basically fed up. Of course, I knew that eventually I would call him or the other way around, because I am a sucker and could never just walk away from him. Heh. Anyway, it took him just as long to realize that I hadn’t meant the “don’t bother,” and he finally called me… and apologized. I was shocked. I was even more shocked when he actually talked to me about what was going on. (Usually, it so doesn’t work this way.)

So, next time someone says to me, “you and Mike never fight and are perfect,” I’m going to give them this URL.

Caution: Real post ahead!

My life has been an Alanis Morissette song for the last couple of days. This morning when I woke up to the sound of my uncle’s cell phone going off, my first thought was, “what the fuck, not again.” My second thought was, “something doesn’t feel right; it feels later.” My third thought, after turning and looking at the time on my alarm clock, was vocalized: “Fuck!”

It was nine — the time I was supposed to be in work for. For some crazy reason, my OCD went on vacation last night and allowed me to set my alarm wrong! I frantically called my boss, threw on some clothes, stopped at Dunkin Donuts and the whole time I was doing this I was hoping maybe I was dreaming the whole thing. Luckily, my boss was very understanding about it. He asked me, “why do you think I get up at five every morning? That way, even if I oversleep I’m not late!”

Needless to say, I think I’m going to be checking my alarm a hundred thousand times, instead of the usual fifty thousand. :D

Anyway, here are those pictures I promised:

Love on my wrist

Me and my Love

And here are a few bonus ones:

Hiding my face
Don’t look at me! I’m drunk!

Mike and Eugene
Mike, with his classic “fuck you,” and Eugene

Sean, doing a handstand
I can’t believe he did that drunk and didn’t fall

Sandy and me
Sandy got sentimental and insisted on us taking a picture together

Sandy and me, again
She made me take ANOTHER drunken picture with her. She must hate me.

This was a couple of weeks ago, after the wake. We decided to try and have some fun, because we thought Liane would want us to go out and do just that.


I thought I’d harass you all just one more time:

Jenna, founder of Rising Above, recently announced her latest book project. She is collecting letters from survivors of abuse, to themselves or their abusers. If you have a MySpace account, you can view the event posting here, or you can email Jenna for more information.

If you know anyone who might be interested, please pass this on!

To tattoo love on her wrist

I got ink yesterday. I went with Mike to Beauty Mark, where Sean is apprenticing, and got the word Love on the inside of my left wrist. I’ll post pictures later. Sean touched up Mike’s Spawn tattoo as a sort of practice run. Then when Sean got out of work we picked him up and hung out for a little bit. I’m slowly realizing how difficult it is to perform daily tasks when your wrist is smothered in A+D. Not easy. I leave little smears wherever I go. Heh.

I’m really glad that I’ve been hanging out with Sean again, even though the circumstances behind the whole thing are beyond sucky. Even Mike is happy, because now he has another guy to chill with and talk about comics. I always feel a little left out of these conversations, because I may be a nerd but I’m not a comic book nerd. :D

Anyway, my Visual Basic class is starting so I’ve gotta run. I swear I’ll write a real post later.