Today was the first time that TOS actually severely interfered with my life. I was in my Crafts class and we started the linoleum block printing. I had done it in high school and really enjoyed it, so I was really looking forward to it. Well, I could barely get the Speedball roller going properly, and when it came to pressing the block to the paper I had zero strength to do it and the pain was beyond anything I’d ever experienced. I washed the ink off of everything and bit down on my tongue to keep from crying, then literally ran out of the studio. I started crying before I made it to the elevator, and sat in my car with tears streaming down my face like an infant.

I have never felt so incompetent in my life. The worst part was, one of the girls was complaining that she wasn’t a crafty person and that this was the hardest class she had taken yet. She said she’d rather be in Statistics. I wanted to shake her. I know it’s not her fault and that she probably had no idea how much pain I was in, but still. It was just a Truman Show kind of moment.

My mom suggested I ask my professor if I can do something else instead, so I emailed her and explained the situation. Hopefully she lets me, because I really don’t want to have to drop this class. I really am enjoying it, and if I took something else I would have a lot of work to catch up on.

I’m just beginning to realize how much TOS could affect me. It bothers me that I can barely carry things. Pens fly out of my hand. When my godson was born I had to keep switching him from arm to arm, because it hurt to hold him. When I have my own kids, am I going to be able to juggle a diaper bag and a carseat? Sometimes it just really gets to me.

Edited 10/22/2008: I got an email back from my professor and she said that we can work something out. Now hopefully I can sell the supplies I bought to another student. It’s such a waste of money now.