This morning, one of my grandmother’s best friends passed away. She had cancer and they had taken her off all treatment and machines a few days ago because she had stopped responding to treatment. We knew it was only a matter of time, but it still sucks.
Rest in peace, Elaine
Elaine was one of those people that you couldn’t help but listen to. As a kid I loved sitting around the campfire up at the lake and listening to her and her husband Larry talk about anything from baseball to art to philosophy to jokes. She was a tiny, strong woman and I think I speak for everyone I know when I say that I loved her dearly. I wish I’d gotten another night to sit around the campfire and talk with her.
It seems like everyone I know is dying lately. These things really do come in threes. I’m not sure if I can handle going to another funeral, but I want to be there for Noni (my grandma). I do know that if there is going to be a wake I will probably steer clear of that. I just can’t handle wakes anymore.
Every time someone dies, it just brings up a whole list of questions for me again. I usually ignore these questions, but at times like these they just come bouncing back: Where do we go when we die? Do we get reincarnated? Do we get to meet the people we’ve loved and lost again sometime, somewhere? I’d lost great-aunts and great-uncles but it didn’t hurt, because I hadn’t known them well. It wasn’t that it didn’t matter, it just didn’t make me cry or keep me awake at night missing the person. I know it sounds cold, but I don’t mean it to sound that way.
The first person I lost that really hit me hard was Devon, a friend of mine in 6th grade. My junior year of high school, we lost our Chef B. Next was my baby, who I never got to really feel or have a chance to be excited about. Grandpa Wish was sick and passed away earlier this summer, and Liane died suddenly at the end of the summer. Now, Elaine. I keep wondering, who is next? Why do people have to die? I’m not religious at all and don’t even try to fit into any kind of religion, but sometimes I wonder if it would be better to believe in something rather than sit here feeling so lost. I know that some people believe in an afterlife where we all finally get to rest and enjoy our time for the rest of forever, but I just can’t picture us sitting up there in the clouds partying or whatever. Some people believe in reincarnation and I guess that makes sense to me, but where would our souls go during the time they are waiting to be reincarnated? I try to hold onto reincarnation, because I want desperately to believe that the little life form I never got to know will eventually be born as my child, but in the meantime where is he?
There have been times when I have been convinced I felt a loved one nearby, either keeping me safe from danger or, like the baby, visited me in a dream. My godson, since birth, has always had this wise and knowing look in his eyes, and Sandy and I think that he is the baby she lost a couple years ago. My friend B.’s attic bedroom is haunted by her deceased father; I’ve slept over and I have definitely felt a presence up there.
I know there has to be something. I know that. I just wish I knew what. I wish I could see these people again, people that I feel like I didn’t get enough time with. People who were good, wonderful people whose deaths leave another empty place in my heart. No one likes to talk about death, because it scares them. I don’t care how much anyone says that it doesn’t; we are all afraid of losing the people we love. Maybe we ourselves aren’t afraid of dying — I have no idea whether I am — but we don’t want to lose our loved ones.
Maybe everyone is just as lost as I am?
Edited at 6:41 pm: I just found a very comforting blog post/article about the care that Elaine received at a clinic during her last couple of years.
Edited 10/29/2008: I finally found her obit and the above photo.
BRISTOL, CT/WORCESTER, MA- Elaine Madeline Duval Gauthier, 72, of Bristol, formerly of Brigham Road in Worcester, died Monday, October 27 surrounded by her family after losing her brave battle with cancer. She leaves her soul mate and “prince charming” of 18 years, Larry E. Behr; five children, Susan J. Leboeuf and her husband Joel E. Novak of Charlton and their children Jason and Kristen; David W. Gauthier and his wife Celeste of Palm City, FL and their children Kyle, Nicole and Andrew; Anne M. McConville and her husband Michael of Charlton and their children Meghan, Erin, Michael and Patrick; James P. Gauthier and his wife April of Moosup, CT and their children Stephanie and Sean; Jennifer L. Hardy and her husband Dow of Marlborough and their children Vivienne, Tyler, Angelique, Jacob, Nathan and Evan. She also leaves her sister, Linda Albrecht of Woodstock Valley, CT; two brothers, Alfred Duval of Southbridge and Robert Duval of Webster; her former husband, John G. Gauthier of Worcester, several nephews and nieces. A sister Joanne Morgan predeceased her.
She was born in Woonsocket, RI, daughter of Ernest and Madeline (Livernoche) Duval, graduated from Bartlett High School and Quinsigamond Community College. While living in Worcester, Elaine worked for Sheraton Hotels and in later years while living in Southbury, CT she worked for the Stamford Advocate and then USA Today as a manager in the circulation and distribution departments. She was a longtime member of Christ the King Church and enjoyed sewing, gardening, camping, reading and sailing. She especially enjoyed travelling and most recently had discovered the majestic beauty of our National Parks having traveled west twice within the past two years. Elaine was a loving and caring woman who found a special quality in each member of her family and friends. She adored spending time with her grandchildren and made each of them feel special and loved.
The funeral will be held on Thursday, October 30th from CALLAHAN & FAY BROTHERS FUNERAL HOME, 61 Myrtle St., Worcester with a Mass at 11 AM in Christ the King Church, 1052 Pleasant Street. Burial will follow in Worcester County Memorial Park, Paxton. Visiting hours are Wednesday, October 29th from 5-8 PM in the funeral home. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to the Hope Guardian Fund, P.O.Box 1627, Bristol, CT 06011. This fund will help the Hope Clinic in Bristol, CT continue to provide enduring hope to others during their journey with cancer. For directions and online condolence book please visit www.callahanfay.com
