I’ve come to the conclusion that when you cheat on someone, you didn’t really want to be with them in the first place.
When I was seventeen and dating Mr. Right Now, I knew the relationship was failing for a long time. Subconsciously, anyway. I think he knew it, too. Neither of us, however, wanted to admit it.
A month after I miscarried, I was sick with the flu. I vividly remember calling him on a Friday December night and his sister telling me that she didn’t know where he was. I remember feeling bad, because I was stuck with the flu and he was out having fun and I couldn’t talk to him. The next morning, still sick as a dog and wishing for my death, he called me and told me he’d gotten drunk and cheated on me the night before.
People frequently get drunk, and cheat. Personally, I don’t understand it. I think the drinking part of it is an excuse; Mr. Right Now said so himself that he’d thought several times about leaving because the girl he cheated with kept hitting on him. This is frequently the case. A friend of mine once cheated on her boyfriend while drunk. She had known ahead of time that drinking with those certain people might get her into trouble.
Another friend, whose relationship was failing, cheated on her boyfriend of several years sans alcohol excuses. Later on she had told her boyfriend that the relationship was pretty much over and they had both known it, so there was no point in trying to fix things.
A third friend was cheated on and kicked out of the apartment they shared the day after, along with their one year old daughter. The relationship had been going downhill for some time. Am I sensing a pattern, here?
Mike says that some people still cheat even if they don’t want the relationship to be over. “You can love the shit out of someone and still cheat on them,” he said. I’m not so sure. Maybe it’s because I’ve been cheated on, whereas he hasn’t and has never cheated on any of his girlfriends. I just can’t picture myself doing that to someone I love. Does the cheater know it’s wrong when they’re doing it? I think so. Mr. Right Now did, and my friend who soberly cheated on her boyfriend knew it too.
What do you think?
I know people who have been together for many, many years who cheated because they just needed to try something new, and they still love their original partner very much.
I guess it doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t want to be with that person anymore but it does mean that there are serious problems with the relationship. Even if it’s just boredom – because that in and of itself is a big problem. Generally I believe that if there are problems/flaws with the relationship it’s a breeding ground for deceit and ultimately – cheating.
@Avitable: I guess a relationship has to be very, very strong to survive a cheating partner. I just couldn’t imagine being that deceitful. At least, that’s how I see it. What do you think?
@Elizabeth Marie: Definitely. I do think it’s a subconscious thing though. I mean, if you really were happy with the relationship, you wouldn’t feel the need to be with someone else. That’s how I see it, anyway.