My New Year’s Resolution is to go set up a feed reader. Right now.
Monthly Archives: December 2008
I hope I get run over by a truck
I think I’m gonna die. I feel like utter hell today. I can’t even really explain it. I just feel completely run down. My body has turned against me! Luckily this will be all over soon.
Anyway, the new Slipknot album is totally kickass. Too bad I can’t listen to it right now; my headphones have gone AWOL. I’m willing to bet my lovely little sister stole them.
All I did this afternoon, when I got out of work, was make phone calls. I made an appointment with the dentist, an appointment with my physician, an appointment with the advisor at SCSU — hopefully this one knows what they’re doing — and wrote a check to SCSU for my tuition down payment. Next week all I have are various appointments for things. I’m going to hate myself. A lot. I’m really going to hate myself when I have to pay all these bills. I still owe my physician for the last visit. I’m also trying to fix up and register/insure the Sunfire. Maybe I should get a credit card.
I want to rip someone’s head off today. Someone is just going to cross me the wrong way and I won’t be able to control this sudden crazy influx of female hormones. Maybe Mike’s right, maybe I am pregnant!
Ibuprofen 800 is my best friend
If you’re a guy, you probably don’t want to read this. I can’t be held liable for any emotional trauma this might put you through. You’ve been warned.
When I get my period it’s usually light, short, and sweet. I live on pantiliners, and four days later it’s all done. I don’t get cramps.
That all changed today.
I’m dying. Seriously. My uterus feels like Freddie Kreuger has his hand twisting around in there. Even worse, I’m a basket case. I’m rereading Breaking Dawn and got to the part where Alice and Jasper take off.
I burst into tears.
“What’s wrong with you?” Lauren asked.
“Alice l-l-left!”
Several minutes later, I got to the part where Bella finds Alice’s note. “T-t-to protect the b-b-baby!”
I went to Mike’s earlier so we could take a trip to Walmart and gave Tracy a huge hug. “Do you have any Midol?” I whispered.
“No, but I’ve got Motrin 800!”
It only took forever to kick in. We went to Walmart and McDonald’s. By the time I put my first fry in my mouth, the 800 finally made its way through my system. I felt normal again.
Until we finished dinner. I took Mike’s head off over rechargeable batteries, and two minutes later I was ready to cry again for being so mean.
“Are you okay?” Poor Mike. He was totally baffled.
“Yeah. No. I don’t know.”
He stood in silence for a moment as I clung to him. “Are you pregnant?”
“No. Definitely not,” I said through gritted teeth.
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
As I write this I can feel the ibuprofen 800 wearing off (there’s no more — I’m fucked) and I’m stuffing my face with Airheads. I’m pretty sure Mike has no idea I’ve got my period.
Love, marriage, and free stuff
Last night I finally made good on my promise and took Mike out to dinner. Neither of us even remember what I owed him dinner for — and he didn’t even remember I owed him until I opened my big mouth — but it was worth it.
I took him to Outback Steakhouse, which is probably our favorite restaurant. Our waitress’ name was Nicole. We ordered our drinks and appetizer — Bloomin’ Onion, of course — and talked as we sat waiting for our bread and Bloomin’ Onion.
“So did you have another moment?” He asked, referring to the delayed reaction I had to the promise ring he gave me. I had told him how, on Friday, I’d burst into tears once in the morning and then later on that afternoon.
“Yeah, either later Friday or today — wait, yeah, it was this morning,” I said.
“I was tearing up when I gave it to you.”
“I’m gonna start crying now,” I said, looking up and to my left to keep the tears away. When I cry, I make a huge mess of myself. I get my hair all wet and I go on for a few minutes. It’s a good thing it doesn’t happen very often.
Nicole returned. “Everything okay?”
“She’s gonna cry,” Mike said.
“Oh, don’t cry, ’cause then I’m gonna cry,” our waitress said.
“They’re happy tears,” I said.
“I gave her a promise ring,” Mike explained.
“Aww, congratulations!” Nicole said. She was really excited about it. I bit down on my lower lip and shuffled my feet.
The rest of our dinner date was really nice. We swapped bites of food, chatted about stuff (he asked me about one of my websites, which was a nice surprise), and then I tried to poison him. Well, not really; he forgot to tell Nicole “no mushrooms” on his Alice Springs Chicken. Luckily he’d only taken a few bites and he isn’t severely — per se — allergic to them. As we picked mushrooms off of his plate and put them into his empty soup cup, he explained he’d have to eat all of them for anything bad to happen. Still, my heart rate didn’t go back to normal until Nicole came back to doggie bag our leftovers.
“Can I get you anything else? Dessert?”
He and I exchanged glances. “It’s up to you,” he said.
“Well, um, I’m really full. How about… we just get one to go and split it later?”
Minutes later, Nicole returned with a slice of cheesecake and two forks. “That’s on me. Congratulations, guys,” she said as she bounced away.
We stared at each other for a long time. Finally, he said, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Wait until we get engaged.”
“We’ll get a whole dinner for free!”
Dear Facebook: You suck
I never use my Facebook account, because when I first signed up for it I thought it was pretty boring. You can’t customize your page (unless you just want to rearrange your widgets), the site itself is badly organized (especially since they changed it), and I don’t understand the point in sending people bumper stickers. Still, I know Facebook is the “it” place right now, so my social network marketing instincts kicked in and I vowed to give it another shot. So today when I checked my Gmail and saw that an old high school friend had friend requested me, I decided that it was time to make good on my promise and start networking.
I was able to add my buddy, and there were also several bumper stickers and group invitations and all that other exciting Facebook stuff. My cousin had sent me an invitation to an ovarian cancer awareness group. My inner web surfer instincts told me not to click on the more information button, but I did it anyway. The page disappeared and I couldn’t figure out how to get back to the group invites so I could check out what else I’d been invited to.
Now, I’m pretty savvy with all of this stuff. It’s basically in my job description and, besides that, I’m a total nerd. So I’m pretty good at navigating even the worst websites. Facebook, however, astounds me. It never fails; every time I log in I end up logging out swearing about one thing or another.
I wanted to go complain to them to tell them to get their shit together, but I couldn’t even find a Support or Contact Us section.
I’m glad I have Lauren managing the account for Letters of Love. I just do not have the patience for Facebook.