Daily Archives: December 21, 2008

Epiphany

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I made a tough decision today.

The semester is over, but my Visual Basic professor had given us until midnight on the 22nd to hand in all of our projects. I was pretty behind, so I was glad for the extension. I realized today, though, that I should just let it go. I had about nine projects that weren’t done, and since I don’t really understand the language it would be near impossible for me to get them done. I tried several times and just couldn’t grasp it. I know, I should have asked my professor for help, but during the last few weeks I’ve been running around like a headless horseman. I refuse to stress about this, cramming these projects and worrying that it won’t be good enough. It kills me, though, that I’m going to fail this class. I haven’t failed a single college course yet, and up until now I’ve always been proud of myself for seeing it through, no matter how hard or impossible it was. I sort of feel like a failure. I wish I’d just dropped it in the first place, because now it’s going to affect my GPA.

See, I’ve pretty much realized that no one at my college is going to help me with my graduation problem. I’ve tried several times to get in touch with the Dean and she has yet to either call me back or reply to my email. At this point, the semester is over and I’m running out of time. If no one will help me, there isn’t much I can do. I’m going to have to take this extra math course, even if it means wasting a whole semester.

So I figured, if I fail Visual Basic — which is likely — I’ll just retake it, since I’m going to have to take the math anyway. Maybe I’ll even take Java or C## instead, something more web oriented. I’ll also probably take a foreign language, since I need one for SCSU anyway. It just sucks, because I have to call SCSU and tell them that I can’t start there until the fall. It makes me sad, that I won’t be getting my diploma for the holiday. It also makes me sad that I have to waste a whole semester on a class I was mislead on, and that I now also can’t get a full-time job in my career until the summer or fall.

Thanks, NVCC. Thanks, Mr. Advisor Who Shall Not Be Named.

If it doesn't stop snowing, I'm going to kill someone

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When it comes to seeing Mike lately, I don’t have much to bargain with. If the chance arises, I’ve got to take it. Which was why I agreed to go out to breakfast on a Sunday morning, at the absolute buttcrack of dawn. I didn’t care that his co-worker would be tagging along. I didn’t care that Top o’ the Morning — the diner we always go to — is always crowded. I just wanted to be with my Michael.

So when he called me at around 6:30 this morning, I didn’t even complain. Granted, I wasn’t really awake, but I gave him the best I could under those conditions: grunts and the occasional “mmn-hmmn.” And when he said he wouldn’t be finished for another forty-five minutes to an hour, so he would call me then, I just mumbled an “okay,” rolled over and went back to sleep.

At 8:30, my phone rang again. Stupid, pesky phone, I thought, hand searching for it. “Mmn, hello?”

“Hey. I’m thinking we shouldn’t do this.” He started to babble, and my mind — still under the murky cover of sleep — struggled to keep up. “It’s been snowing since seven and blahblahblah, and I’m not insured on this car so blahblahblah.”

Slowly, I realized he had said it was snowing. “Fuck,” I think I said. (Maybe I thought it?) I think I mostly just agreed with whatever he said, and only when I hit the End button did it all sink in.

No breakfast.

No loud chatter over coffee and the Top o’ the Morning regulars.

No struggling to get my ass out of bed, dressed and hair straightened in time for him to pick me up.

No fucking breakfast.

It’s still snowing, and I still haven’t cashed my check. It’s still snowing, and I have nowhere quiet to go work (fam is gathering to make xmas soup). It’s still snowing, and worst of all, I have to wait until Wednesday to see him. ARGH.