I just realized something incredibly hypocritical. I was getting things ready to take a shower, since I’ve been working all day and never got to it, and I was thinking about how much I work. I realized that I’m pretty depressed, because all I do is work. I enjoy it, I really do, but it’s become such an addiction that I don’t really ever make time for anything else.

I thought, I really love to work, but I need a vacation and I don’t know how to stop. And it’s true. Every time I think about taking a vacation, I think, I’ll do it as soon as I get this, that, and the other project finished. I never take the time to take a timeout. I always find another excuse to push that break back even further.

And now, on a Saturday night, when most other people my age are out drinking and having a good time, I’m completely exhausted. Part of this is because of my chronic pain. I know that. But part of it is also because I spent every minute since about ten this morning working. And I didn’t have to.

Working gave me something to work toward, a goal to hang onto when I got depressed. Now I’m so addicted that it’s kind of starting to make me more depressed. You could say, “well then just stop,” but it isn’t that easy. I don’t know what to do.

Virtual hugs and stuff like that would be awesome right now.