At work, we use a content management system (CMS) called Town News. We have to purge the cache all the time because the CMS updates our website about as fast as those turtles on that high-speed internet commercial.

Sometimes I need to purge my cache, too. Here are some things that are really bothering me right now:

• 50mg of Tramadol isn’t cutting it anymore. I guess I’ve built up a tolerance to it, even though I don’t take it that often. I had to take 100mg last night to cut my pain down to a dull roar, but this morning I’m still kinda feeling the medicine. Hopefully it wears off by the time I leave for work. I can’t afford to miss a day.
• Someone very important to me is currently not talking to me. There was an argument and I was a little harsh, but I thought we’d talk it out the next day. Instead, this person has been ignoring me for the last two days, and I’m not sure how much longer it’s going to last.
• I had a panic attack for the first time on Saturday. That same night I had a couple of breakdowns, and I had a couple other breakdowns yesterday and last night. My anxiety level is ridiculously high. It bothers me that I can’t handle much of anything anymore. I think most of it is because of all of this chronic pain drama. I can’t even handle a doctor’s appointment or getting off the wrong highway exit anymore.
• I feel like a failure, quite often lately. I can’t seem to convince myself that I don’t suck. Every time I butt heads with someone, can’t get something to work, am in pain, or just feel down in general, I take it out mentally on myself. I guess it’s better than physically, but then again that’s coming next. That’s just the way it goes.
• I think I need some me time, but I’m pretty sure I need to let work know two weeks ahead when I want to take my vacation. School starts in two weeks, so there’s really no point in a vacation if I also have to go to class. So much for taking a trip this summer.
• And speaking of “in two weeks,” my 21st birthday is coming up (it’s the 28th, so yay for being able to go out and party on a Friday night)! I’m not very excited, though. Not with things the way they are right now. I could care less.

And there’s your bright and sunny morning blog post, brought to you by the always happy Elizabeth! Now enjoy this brief message from our sponsors, and I’ll be back with something less angsty — eventually.