This afternoon, I get my blood test results. I have to admit, my hopes are really high. I’ve also got this nagging fear that my rheumatologist is going to look at me and say, “Everything’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with you.” I have this superstition that my blood tests are only going to show something if I’m in pain during the blood work. (When my double stranded DNA came back positive, my right leg hurt like a bitch. I was convinced that whatever is wrong with me will only show up when I have symptoms. My mom said that isn’t possible, but I’m still kind of superstitious.)

I just want answers. I want the rheumatologist to say, “You have blahblahblah. Here’s what we’re going to do to help you.”

I can’t really think of anything else. I won’t be able to relax until this afternoon. And even then, will I just end up frustrated and disappointed?

Today is going to be a very, very long day.