I realized this last night as I flipped through the pages and pages of usernames and passwords for different online accounts that I have. I can guarantee that I don’t even use half of them, and another 40% of them I probably only use once in a great while, especially if I need to procrastinate something. Still, I can hardly bear to get rid of these accounts. A perfect example is the Facebook account I deactivated. I know how to fully delete it thanks to Matt, but can’t bring myself to do it. What if I do want to use it again? I ask myself. Then the facebook.com/elizawhat username might be taken and that’s my name. It’s MINE. I didn’t really even use the thing, and yet I can’t convince myself that it’s okay to delete it forever. The same goes for my old @elizawhat, @freakingbookwrm, and @lettersoflove Twitter accounts, and a bunch of other accounts. Those names are MINE, dammit. What if I want them later and someone has taken them?!

I’m a digital hoarder.

I’d really like to simplify my digital life. I’ve been wanting to for a while, but while I knew it was the right decision, I still had a really hard time letting go. I try hard to be honest here and to be honest with myself, so here’s the truth: I have many websites and different social accounts. I almost always create them on a whim, and then I feel guilty for ignoring them, so I feel obligated to keep them, but only end up using them occasionally. A perfect example is Letters of Love. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very, very proud of that site. The thing is, I created it during a time when I really needed it, and I don’t need it anymore. Because I don’t need it anymore, I don’t have the passion I once had to keep it going. At the same time, though, I can’t bear to let someone else take it over because it’s mine. It’s my baby. Call me possessive, I don’t care. I just can’t let go, and I can’t bear to leave it sitting there collecting digital dust.

I also started Freaking Bookworm, and then fell way off the book review bandwagon. The thing is, I feel too obligated; I feel like I have to review every single book and comic that I read, so then I feel overwhelmed and just don’t review or write anything there. Plus, once I found Goodreads I started to wonder what the hell was the point in doing both. I argue with myself in my head all the time: “Goodreads is just a social network. One day it could disappear. Freaking Bookworm is my site and won’t disappear unless I want it to.” “Yes, but why update both? It’s a pain in the ass to review the same book twice, and repetitive as hell. How can I possibly write two different reviews about the same book without repeating myself?!”

I have a different problem with this blog. I enjoy writing here. I don’t ever feel obligated. However, instead of writing stories like I should be doing, I end up writing posts here. Instead of doing the dishes or cleaning or something else productive, I write draft upon draft that I will probably never actually publish. I regularly have to clean out my drafts because they’re either no longer relevant, half finished, or just too much information to post publicly. I know that I need to let go of this blog and focus more on my fiction writing, but dammit, it’s hard. It’s hard because it’s a security blanket, but it’s also hard because I know there are a lot of you who like this little space and I hate to let you down.

Still, I need to simplify. I don’t want my digital life to resemble the homes we see on Hoarders. I’m sick of leaving half finished projects behind me. I’m disgusted with myself for wasting so much time online when I should really be honing my writing skills; I say all the time that I want to be a writer, but instead of using that time to actually write and improve, I sit online. (I should say, though, that this morning I wrote a story before doing anything else, other than checking my bank account’s balance and a few other quick, important things. I’m damn proud of myself.)

I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet. I mean, I have a pretty good idea, but I’m still thinking about it. Mostly, I’m thinking about the execution. Basically, I want to embark on an adventure next year. (Because holy shit, in a couple of months it will be next year.) I’ve seen another writer, Deanna Knippling, do it and she’s learning a lot and getting a lot out of it. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, pretty much since she first started posting about her experiences with independent epublishing. My first thought was, Damn this is cool. I wish I could do it. A few weeks ago I thought, Maybe I could actually do it. Since last night I’ve been thinking, I want to try it.

Since my writers’ group started in September, I’ve been trying — well, okay, I haven’t been trying too hard because I’ve been blogging here instead — to write one short story a week, that way I’d have something new every week for my writers’ group. So far, I’ve written two, and that’s counting today’s story. I’ve had a lot of writers’ block, but it’s getting better finally. I’m also gearing up to do NaNoWriMo this year in November. Coincidentally, elizawhat.com is up for renewal in November. Now, granted, I’m pretty good about sticking to the writing during NaNoWriMo. The rest of the year, you can forget it. I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to be disciplined, dammit. I’ll be completely honest with you: I’m thinking about not renewing this blog. I’m also thinking about cutting down on all of my online accounts, quite severely. At the top of the list are Tumblr and Formspring. I’m keeping my @elizabethbarone Twitter, but the other ones are probably going, too. I’m also going to make myself permanently delete my Facebook.

I need to do this. It’s hard to think about it, and it’s going to be hard to do it, but I need to. I’ve known this for a long time.

I just hope you won’t be too mad at me, or too disappointed. I’d really like to give you a new short story every month. I have a ton that need to be edited so that they won’t suck when you read them, but I’d also like to write a new one every week, for real.

Now, I’m still thinking about all of this, but I’ve slept on it and still feel the same. Usually, when I need to make a decision, I sleep on it because I rarely feel the same the next day. As hard a time I have making decisions, I also tend to go completely the other way at times and make rash decisions. Today I still feel like this needs to be done.

However, if I do delete this blog, there will be a new one. You’ll just have to wait and see it. It’s going to be awesome. And there will definitely still be Liz’s Anatomy. The rest I’m not so sure about.