Mike and me, New Year's Eve (taken by Sandy)
Last year was a lot of things. I’m not naive enough to believe that the year itself was evil, and that this year will make all of the bad of last year go away. I can, however, look back at the ups and downs, and try to take something from it. I can also admit that this was totally not my idea, and that I stole it from Jess.
I started off the year a university dropout, working two jobs, trying to figure out what I wanted in life and what was going on with my body, worried about my grandfather, and minus a good friend. I ended the year with a good idea of who I am and what I want for my career, a better picture of what might be going on with me, working one job, minus a grandfather, and plus a good friend. Life is very strange.
At the beginning of the year, I started rebuilding one of the most important relationships in my life. I am so grateful that Sandy and I were able to fix things.
Sandy and me, New Year's Eve (taken by Sandy)
I also gained about twenty pounds, thanks to a depression medication called Seroquel. As soon as I realized that was why I gained so much weight, I stopped taking it. I haven’t — knock on wood — felt the need to take medication for my depression since. I started working out, and also rediscovered softball.
In April, I got my second tattoo, to represent my family.
Because we didn’t know how much time Popi had left, we started seeing my two cousins, Mindy and Vinny, more often, even though we hadn’t seen either of them in a long time (both from different circumstances). It sucked that it took Popi being really sick to get everyone together again, but it made me so happy to have all of us together. I know it made him really happy, too.
Lauren, me, Mindy, and Vinny, July 2010
Just a couple of weeks after we were all together, Popi took a turn for the worst… and we lost him on July 9th, 2010, early in the morning. I was dreaming that he was gone as my parents woke me up to tell my sister and me that he had passed. It still hurts, especially since my birthday and Christmas card from Noni were signed just from her. I would give anything for his name to be on those cards, too, for him to be here with us now, healthy.
Not long after Popi’s memorial service, Mike’s family lost their house, his mom and stepfather separated, and he had nowhere to go. So, he moved in with me, my parents, my sister, and our two cats. Our relationship has strengthened since he moved in, even though I had been afraid living together might be a bad thing.
In October, at New York Comic Con, I learned that my mystery autoimmune disease has severe physical limitations. Because I’d spent a day walking, I spent the next three or four days unable to walk without being in pain.
November was probably the weirdest month of all. My worst flareup ever began with weird itchiness all over and an even weirder rash on my face, I got my first rejection letter for a short story, my blood work came back all kinds of positive and my doctor referred me to a (third) rheumatologist because he thinks I have Lupus, and I wrote and finished the first draft of a 50,000+ word novel.
In December, I found out that I inherited migraines from my mom’s side of the family. It was only the third or fourth I’ve ever had, but it was by far the worst. I hope it’s a long, long time before I get another one.
December 2010
I definitely went through a lot this past year. I’d like to say that I wouldn’t change any of it, that I wouldn’t be who I am without all that happened, and that I’m grateful for that kind of shaping, but I would give anything to have my Popi back. I also wouldn’t mind living without chronic illness and pain. I am, however, grateful for the good things that happened, because if there hadn’t been so much good, I wouldn’t have been able to cope with the bad.
