Tag Archives: blood tests

Whatever the fuck is wrong with me hurts. Cymbalta can help.

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11

One month after yet another slew of blood work, and I still have no answers.

Mom came with me this time, and all of my blood work came back negative. Dr. Greco ran through the most recent and the last few tests to kind of bring Mom up to date. We discussed how I’d had mono and how certain diseases can contribute to later autoimmune diseases. We discussed birth control again and how the hormones in birth control can do all kinds of crazy things, like kill you or give you lupus. Dr. G admitted that he really is at a loss, but he really wants to help me.

“I can’t give you any answers right now, but I still want to make you feel better.” He asked whether I’m taking Tramadol still, and I told him that I haven’t been taking it recently because it literally fucks me up so bad that I can’t function; if I take it, I get stoned out of my mind. So he suggested Lyrica, which is just like neurontin (which makes me crazy and I refused to even try Lyrica). He asked if I am depressed. I almost didn’t tell him (because we all know what happens when you tell a doctor you’re depressed), but decided to be honest and told him yes, I am.

He said that some antidepressants can relieve pain, and gave me a free trial of Cymbalta. “You should not take this with Tramadol,” he warned as he slipped out of the room to go get the sample.

“I wonder if I should stop taking my birth control,” I said to Mom. “I’m going to ask him.”

“I would like to see you stop taking it,” he said, popping back in. He told us that he wrote a huge report on the effects that hormonal birth control can have on women, and told us that it can cause pain.

We scheduled a follow-up for four weeks from now, and I left with yet another batch of drugs (I should start selling my leftovers). So tomorrow morning, I’m not taking my Ovcon. (Somehow, not spending $40 a month on birth control anymore makes me feel a lot better.) I’m not entirely sure I buy the whole birth control thing, but it’s worth a try. I mean, at least I can say, “Okay, I stopped taking my birth control for a month or two and I’m still having symptoms.” I can’t knock it until I try it. And at this point, I’ll try anything, which is why I’m taking the Cymbalta without griping about how much I hate antidepressants and how Zoloft ruined my life, blahblahblah.

To be honest, medication scares the hell out of me. I’ve learned the hard way over and over that it affects me in really weird ways and, honestly, I have no idea what is in any of the shit that doctors tell us to take. If indeed my problem really lies with hormones in my birth control, I’m going to flip shit; no one ever talks about those kinds of side effects. (Note to self: Google that report.)

So I guess we’ll see. I’m honestly getting really freaking tired of this cycle, but I’ll give the no-Ovcon, yes-Cymbalta a shot. (Part of me wonders if he really does just think I’m crazy and pulled one over me by suggesting I take the antidepressant. But that’s the paranoid part of me.)

Cracking

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4

Yesterday, I got no answers. Instead, I went for more blood work. Because apparently the hospital that my rheumatogolist’s office is connected to does blood work better than the place I normally use.

By the time I got home I was exhausted, emotionally and physically, and starving. And I still had to go out to the pharmacy to buy my golden birth control.

Somewhere between the pharmacy and home, I got into a huge fight with someone because they lied to me. It wasn’t the first time, so I was livid. There’s nothing I hate more than a liar. By the time I got home from that, I was beyond Tired and all the way into I Packed My Bags and Went Crazy. Dad asked me something about work, and I lost it. I cried all over myself and my mom, and then cried some more.

Three weeks into not sleeping, working part-time, running a business, going to school full-time, and running a pen pal support group, and I lost it. I feel like a total failure.

I told Mom about how, at night, I literally wake up in the dead of night (four, five in the morning) with urgent tasks such as “Set up email on Google!” and “Check Spyware Doctor to see what it found while scanning!” Some days I wake up even before my alarm goes off. I toss and turn all night, my mind racing with everything I need to get done. Because it needs to get done, or the world is going to explode or implode or something like that.

I’m also up at night in pain a lot of the time, or toss and turn worrying about test results. So, no sleep + stress + multiple jobs = AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH! (Imagine here a little Lizzie Maguire stick figure running around, except she should look like me. If anyone wants to draw said Lizzie Maguire stick figure for me, go right ahead!)

Mom sat on the floor with me and gave me several relaxation techniques I can use at night to try to shut my mind the fuck up. One of them is repeating the same word (it should be a soothing word) over and over when I start to think of my To Do list. I did that last night, and it helped a little.

I have a lot I need to think about. Obviously, something has to go. I can’t do it all. If I could sleep better, I could probably handle it all better. So I’m going to work on that and see how it goes.

Tell me what I want to hear

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5

This afternoon, I get my blood test results. I have to admit, my hopes are really high. I’ve also got this nagging fear that my rheumatologist is going to look at me and say, “Everything’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with you.” I have this superstition that my blood tests are only going to show something if I’m in pain during the blood work. (When my double stranded DNA came back positive, my right leg hurt like a bitch. I was convinced that whatever is wrong with me will only show up when I have symptoms. My mom said that isn’t possible, but I’m still kind of superstitious.)

I just want answers. I want the rheumatologist to say, “You have blahblahblah. Here’s what we’re going to do to help you.”

I can’t really think of anything else. I won’t be able to relax until this afternoon. And even then, will I just end up frustrated and disappointed?

Today is going to be a very, very long day.

I'm diseased

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14

A few minutes ago, the receptionistMelissa (another PA?) at my PA’s office just called me with my latest blood test results. She didn’t ask me to schedule an appointment. She actually gave me the results over the phone.

She said my Lyme test results were still pending, but that the other tick-borne disease (ehrlichiosis) came back negative. She also said that my B12 levels are stable, so I should take a daily B12 vitamin to keep them that way.

Then she said that the double stranded DNA test came back positive — which can indicate an autoimmune disease. I may have sounded perversely excited when I gasped, “Really?”

She then said that Pam (my PA) wants me to see a rheumatologist for further testing. I picked a specialist from the list of names she gave me, and she said that she would fax over the referral. Someone from Dr. Greco’s — not to be confused with the neurologist I saw, although I think they are related — will be calling me to schedule an appointment.

As crazy as it sounds, I’m actually excited that something came back positive. I’d like to think that it’s only a matter of time before they figure out what’s been kicking my ass for the last two years. I like that I can say, “I have some sort of autoimmune disorder and they’re figuring out what,” when people ask what’s wrong, rather than, “I don’t know.”

It’s kind of nice to have hope again.

Update 08/20/2009 Just got off the phone with one of the receptionists. My Lyme Disease results came back and are NEGATIVE. So, forward mighty steed with the autoimmune disease testing!