Tag Archives: blue october

Life's like a jumprope

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Things have been very up and down lately. Right now I’m on vacation from work, so that’s a definite up. I’ve been sleeping in and even though I still have school to worry about, it’s not as stressful because I’m getting the sleep I need.

My biggest down right now is my symptoms. They are getting worse. Lately, my legs have been getting very weak out of nowhere. Since that last post, it’s happened twice more. Both times I had to sit down because my legs were like Jello and I didn’t want to collapse again. I realize at this point I should just call the rheumatologist, but I’m going on Monday anyway to get some blood test results. I’m hoping that there are answers in those results, or at least something to get me one step closer to the answer, but I am also completely pessimistic at this point.

Teaching is a huge up for me right now. Since deciding I am completely committed to becoming a teacher, I’ve been able to focus better and work harder toward that goal. (I still have no idea when I am going to have time to study for the PPST or when I am going to have time to even schedule the PPST. Luckily, my friend Cheryl told me that Sylvan Learning Center will do the test right there in their facilities, and the scheduling is flexible to your own schedule.) I’ve been thinking very hard about the lesson plan I have to write. I am, admittedly, a little behind in school, but I’m doing the best I can to catch up. I’ve accepted (for now, anyway) that my best is all I can do.

Mike and I got into a stupid fight last night, which got me down for a while but I’m over it now (and I’m sure he is, too). Things were going really well for a while, to the point where it all felt brand new and just completely amazing. Last night was both of our faults and, just like every other time we fight, we’ll just come out stronger.

Now you’re older and the weight is on your shoulder
Make the world a little colder
No more hiding in the old day
Be strong
Don’t you give up hope
It will get hard
Life’s like a jump rope

My BlackBerry, he did me wrong

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So today was an interesting day, to say the least. It started off with me waking up at 10:45 and realizing that my alarm had never gone off. (I was supposed to be in work for 9.) I looked at my phone and it wouldn’t do anything. I tried to turn it on (because I thought it might have shut off, thought that maybe the battery had magically died), but nothing happened. The odd thing was, the phone had had a good enough charge when I’d gone to bed. The even odder thing was, I had dreamed about something weird going on with my phone’s battery. I dreamed that the battery charged instantly when I plugged it in, rather than taking an hour or so. CREEPY.

I love music, because you can express anything in it. The new Blue October album fucking rocks! “The End” pretty much describes how I felt when a guy I once thought I loved cheated on me.

Anyway. ADHD, anyone?

I got dressed in seconds — amazing for me, I promise you! — and ran downstairs. I asked my dad if he was having any problems with his phone. In my half-awake state, I thought we were under electronic attack, ha ha ha! Dad tried plugging my phone in to see if it just needed to be charged, but when he plugged it in all we got was a giant battery on the screen with a lightening bolt through it.

Mean, mean battery.

I went to work, Dad brought my phone back to Best Buy, and then he met me after work to give me my babyBlackBerry and the brand new battery. After my second job and dinner, I went to Toys R Us and bought a Timex alarm clock. My old alarm clock stopped letting me set the alarm a couple of weeks ago, so I’d been using my phone instead of forking over the cash for a new alarm clock.

I guess that’s what I get.

Someone like me

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You know, as I was straightening my hair earlier, I had a whole blog post composed in my head. Thanks to Tramadol, I have no clue what it was (and can’t type, either).

I have been having pain in my left hand/wrist and my ankles all day today, so I figured I’d take Tramadol so I might actually get some sleep. The pills are 50mg, so I cut one in half and it still completely wrecked me. I should not have been using a flat iron or hair drier. Hell, I shouldn’t even be using my laptop! I can’t not take this stuff — I do need to get some relief now and then — but no matter what I do it completely messes me up. Oh well.

So, what has been going on with me?

  • I have decided to leave my second day job, mainly because I have entirely too much on my plate right now. Fortunately, they still want me to do occasional freelance work for them.
  • I’ve had several nervous breakdowns in the last couple of weeks and am trying to find a therapist. I am one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet, and I never admit when I need help. I’ve realized that I am a lot worse off than I was letting myself — and everyone else — believe. I’m not too thrilled about admitting any of this, but I hope that it helps someone else out there. Maybe it will help someone realize that they need help, too.
  • I treated myself to a pedicure this weekend. My mom and I went to the nail salon after I got out of work on Friday. Mom got a manicure and her eyebrows waxed. I totally meant to take pictures of my awesome feet — there’s something about a pedicure that actually makes my feet look cute — but I’m a slave to the Tramadol right now and probably shouldn’t be allowed to operate a camera. Just know that my toenails are ORANGE and they are smexxy! (Yes, I just said “smexxy,” which is a leftover of my old LiveJournal days.)
  • I also treated myself to the new Blue October and Kings of Leon albums. For the record, if I hear one more person mistakenly call them “The Kings of Leon” — yes, I mean you, Mr. Radio Host Guy — I’m going to curse at my stereo, worse than EVER. (Yes, that’s all I’ve got. Sigh.)
  • I really, really want elizabethbarone.com, but some real estate agency has it for some unknown, unfair reason. This is just a random fact and probably has no significance whatsoever, except that it further proves how much of a nerd and no-life I am. Since elizabethbarone.com doesn’t expire until 2012, I was trying to come up with another domain name. So far I’ve got: elizawhat.com, elizabethkaylene.com, and elizabethkaylenebarone.com, all of which are available. I basically wanted elizabethbarone.com for a portfolio website, and of course for branding purposes, and the other ones just don’t pack the same punch. This is my sad face.
  • I spent today — Easter, as some might call it — sitting on my ass playing video games. For the first half of the day, however, I had no idea what to do with myself. This is what happens when a workaholic tries to take the day off.

Blah. I really wanted to write a better update.

My heart, my pain won’t cover up

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If you haven’t read the Twilight series yet, don’t read this. Spoilers ahead!

I just finished Eclipse. I’m a huge Blue October fan, so I instantly saw the connection between “Congratulations” and one of the major plots. In the song, someone is getting married. Her never — did I mention I’m a Blue October fan? — is happy for her but sad because he could never give her his heart. The song basically shows the point of view of the guy at the wedding, watching his best friend get married.

This song makes me want to cry as it is. As soon as I realized what was going on and what inspired it — Stephenie Meyer even mentions how Blue October inspired a lot of this particular book — I really wanted to cry.

I’m not sure how long I’m going to last before I break down and buy the book. I’m trying to save money so Mike and I can go to Indianapolis in October, but Breaking Dawn is screaming my name. Then again, so is three days completely alone with my love.

Dammit. I’m gonna have to wait.