Tag Archives: careers

Getting my shit together

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I am officially all set for school. My first class is Tuesday, September 1st. I could outline all of the crap I had to do to get everything squared away, but it’s exhausting even to me so I’ll just stick with “all set.” Heh.

I’m a little nervous, but I’m also really excited about this new path in front of me. I’m mainly nervous because it’s a bigger campus — a lot bigger — and I think I will go crazy if I get lost there ever again. (I’d like to say I won’t ever get lost again, but I will. Believe me. I will. I’ve already decided that both the university and the town of New Haven have it in for me.) I’m also a little nervous about double-majoring, but I’ve decided I’m not going to let it get to me. I am, after all, the kind of person who has to have more than one thing to focus on. I get bored way too quickly. So I have to give myself a lot of different things to stimulate myself with. This, of course, contributes to [my workaholic problem], but I’ll think about that tomorrow. (You get a cookie if you can comment and tell me where that reference is from!)

I’m excited, though, because it’s a new beginning. I have a million things that I want to do and experience, and maybe I’m jumping the gun on some of them but who cares. It’s my life, and I get to enjoy it however I want. I always wanted to be a teacher and to be a writer, and then I found and fell in love with web design. I also, of course, am married to my Letters of Love project. Who says I can’t do it all? (Maybe my mental health, but I’ll think about that tomorrow.)

Next on my agenda is finishing up my car (she still needs new struts and mounts, some stuff to install my stereo, and something is wrong with my back right brake), and then once that’s all set I want to start saving for an apartment. I keep bouncing back and forth between continuing to live with my parents in my current very crowded living situation, getting my own place, and getting a place with Mike. Some days I feel like getting a place with Mike is the best choice, and other days I feel like I should stay with my parents until I finish my Bachelor degrees. Some days I just want a place all to myself. It all depends on my mood (which has always been the case, making decision-making very difficult on my end). I still need to figure out what I want to do, but I know I can’t continue to live with as many people as I’m living with. I love my family dearly but I have no space of my own, which makes it very hard to live. I know that I should be grateful — and I am, believe me — but it’s still rough. It’s hard when I want to work or sleep, or even when I just want to be by myself. It just doesn’t work that way in my house. I try not to complain, because I know the alternative would have been a shelter or the street, but some days it’s harder to deal with than others.

At any rate, I want to get my priorities in order and start really taking care of myself. I haven’t been the happiest lately, and I want to change that. I just have to figure out how.

It’s a huge relief that school is all set, even though it kind of sucks to have loans hanging over my head. The good news is, I don’t have to pay them until after I graduate. The bad news? I have a lot of very heavy books, so I’m sure you’ll soon hear me bitching that my neck and back hurt from carrying them around!

What about you? What would you like to do to improve your life and yourself? Tell me in the comments!

Just do it, like Nike

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I spent Friday afternoon on the phone with Southern (the university I’ve been trying to attend since last winter). After graduation Thursday night, I felt determined; I wanted to get everything squared away so that I could definitely start classes in the fall. All work and no school really brings some perspective into your life; I was bored as hell and I suddenly missed the papers, the homework, the fresh new notebooks waiting to be used. (Okay, so I have an addiction to office supplies. Whatever.)

As I learned last winter, doing things for myself without my mom to hold my hand was no easy task. As I got transferred further and further down the line of humorless staff, I thought more and more about giving up. I couldn’t seem to get the help I needed and every person I talked to transferred me before I could get a sentence out of my mouth.

I didn’t give up, though. I didn’t break down like I did last winter when I found out that my schedule had been dropped because I couldn’t afford the higher tuition cost. After the last two years of putting everything into school, after hearing Jon Savoy‘s inspiring speech about his fifteen year commitment to his Associates degree at commencement, I didn’t want to waste any time.

I’m going to double major, in English: Creative Writing and Elementary Education (for grades K-6). I’m probably insane, but I want to do it. I don’t care how long it takes.

Growing up, I had several great elementary school teachers who made me want to be a teacher. Every day after school and homework, my sister and I would play school. She would be the teacher for one grade, and I would be the teacher for another grade. We both played each other’s students. We used actual textbooks that our school gave to us because they didn’t use them anymore. We printed worksheets and carefully planned lessons for our imaginary students. We wrote out math problems on black- and whiteboards. We took attendance on graphing paper from our great-grandmother. I loved every minute of it.

I don’t mind helping Mike’s little brother with his math homework. I love doing it. Even when Tony gets frustrated, I still feel calm and patient — even though I am the least patient person in the world when it comes to everything else. (Kids are my weakness. Heh.) I love playing games with my little cousin Katarina and reading to her. I love helping Tony with his spelling words and his English homework. I love coloring with my goddaughter Kaylene, or explaining to Katarina the difference between an orca and a shark.

I have always kind of wanted to be a teacher, but didn’t think I could because I am already a web designer. You already have a career, I would tell myself. You can’t do everything at once. Wait a few years and see if you still want to do this. Just wait.

But I figure, why the hell not? Why not now? Why do I have to just stick to one thing? I can do it all. I can do and be anything I want.

I’m not going to rush. I don’t expect to finish in just two years (since I transferred, I expected myself to be able to completely my Bachelor’s in another two years). I refuse to put any pressure on myself. I’ll take my time, and when it’s all over I’m going to walk across that stage again — with two more degrees.

I’m all about accomplishments these days. It feels so good to finally feel alive.

So here we go

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I decided to drop out of SCSU.

I’ve been agonizing over it these last couple of days (mainly last night and early into this morning), but I finally made a decision this afternoon. I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out.

I already know what I want to do with my life. I want to run my own web design business, and I want to write fiction. I also want to continue running my non-profit, and I want to start up something I’ve been sitting on for a while. (HA, I bet you thought I was gonna give it away! :P ) I have an AA in Digital Arts Technology: Multimedia/Web Authoring, and am currently working in my field, so I already have a foot in the door. I also have a high school diploma for Culinary Arts, so I can always fall back on that. While studying literature and writing in a school setting may be beneficial, I don’t think it’s really going to launch my career. Bottom line is, I need to pursue my dreams. I need to put all of my time into the things I love and the things I want to do. Taking classes is not going to help me finish my novel or get my business really going. I know that a BA in English couldn’t hurt, but I feel that this is not the path for me. I feel that I need to “get in the trenches” (as Gary V. would say) and get going.

I already talked to my mom about this, and she supports me. I also talked to Mike about it all — before I even made a decision — and I know that he supports me no matter what I choose. I know that some are going to look down on me and think I am making a mistake, but guess what: it’s my mistake to make. I want to get out there and experience life. I am tired of living in the box. I want to do things for myself and see how far I can go. I’m not knocking education in any way; I think that education is very important. However, there is only so much education you can get before you have to get out and live. I think I’ve been clinging to school as a safety net, and it’s time to let go of the safety nets and fall (or fly).

Anyway.

Mike and I went to see Taken last night. It was an excellent film. I was on the edge of my seat and cheered Liam Neeson’s character on the entire time. I thought it did a great job exposing human trafficking and entertaining at the same time. Some people in the theater — mainly one girl — didn’t get it at all. I thought the ending fit, but I won’t spoil it for anyone. Go see it if you haven’t already!