Tag Archives: dad

Shit that pisses me off: Weird dreams and chronic pain edition

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I’ve always wanted to make a list of the shit that’s currently pissing me off, but never did because it somehow feels douche-y. Still, sometimes you just need to rant, so here we are.

I don’t understand why the new year starts in January. It’s confusing. It should start in March. Hear me out. We get winter starting at the end of the year, and it overlaps into the beginning of the year. So, if we want to refer to the winter of a particular year, how do we do that? If I say “Winter 2011,” am I talking about the winter in the beginning of the year, or the winter at the end of the year?

Our cats have been living together for over a year now and the fat one is still traumatizing my little one. After I spent the whole morning yesterday cleaning up puke, piss, and shit because Apollo wouldn’t let Squirt leave the corner to use the litter box, I felt like wringing his little neck. I told my mom when she got home from work. We said how we wished that the dining room door closed, and a little while later she rigged the dining room door with a bungee cord so that he can’t get in. She’s a smart cookie.

Since Mom rigged the door and we’ve been keeping the cats separated, I’ve seen a complete change in Squirt. She’s much more relaxed. She even purred at a normal volume last night when I was petting her. I also saw her use the litter box for the first time in a year without a hassle.

Apparently, pulling the bungee cord around the doorknob is too hard for my dad and sister, because they keep complaining about it. My dad also keeps complaining that this isn’t going to help them get along. They are never going to get along. It’s been over a year. If they were going to get along, they would have already started to. They are both the type of cat that has to be a single pet. Again, let me remind you that I cleaned up puke, piss, and shit all morning, and that every night they fight right over my head because her food is right near the head of my bed, and he doesn’t let her eat. If keeping the peace in the house means that we have to loop a bungee cord around the doorknob every time we go in and out, who cares? But I have a feeling that when I leave for Kaylene’s birthday party and then come home, the dining room door is going to be open and it’s going to be the same shit all over again because no one cares.

I don’t understand why we can’t all just be consistent. Aside from this, I’m the only one who ever punishes him for going after her. Mom puts him in the bathroom sometimes, but I’m the only one who sprays him with the water bottle and tries to teach him to listen to the word “NO.” It’s so frustrating.

I’m sick of being broke. I want to not worry about gas and lunch. I want to go out with friends I haven’t seen in a long time. I want friends who stopped inviting me out because I’m always broke to invite me out again. I want to pay off my bills and the debt that’s been stacking up. I want to start saving money for a place with Mike. I want to fix my car up so that it’s in top condition. I want to buy birthday presents for the birthdays I’ve missed so far: Kaylene’s, Lauren’s, and Mike’s mom’s. I cannot wait until March 4th, when I get my first full check.

I wish some of my so-called friends would get serious about our friendship. We make plans, they break them. I try to get in touch, they don’t call me back. I need someone to talk to, they just talk about themselves. Something important happens to them, they don’t tell me. (But when something bad happens to them, oh, you can bet they’re calling or texting or BBMing or emailing me to cry or vent about it!) I can honestly only think of one friend right now who has always been serious about our friendship. That friend? Is a guy. Maybe I am approaching this whole friendship thing wrong, and need to only be friends with guys.

I dreamed about SEO last night, and kept waking up over and over thinking, “I’ve got to remember that!”, only to forget two seconds later. The night before, I dreamed about spiders crawling on me. Before these last two nights, I had a couple of good nights of sleep, but before that I wasn’t really sleeping at all. Sleep hates me. I think my body hates me. I don’t know why I dreamed about SEO last night. It’s not like I had to work today! Maybe I’m stressing out a little about work. I do feel some pressure, but I didn’t think it was bothering me that much. Ugh.

My neck and shoulders have been stiff and sore for a week now, and my lower back has been aching for three or four days. All of my joints have been joining this aching chorus, too. I guess it’s stress, but it’s driving me crazy. There’s only so much Extra Strength Tylenol I can take before I have to give it a rest. Plus, really, no one likes being in pain all the time.

I guess that’s it for now. I need to go get ready for my goddaughter’s birthday party. She turned six on the ninth. Time really flies!

What’s really pissing you off right now?

Brian

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I’ve been wanting to write, but every time I sit down to do so, my mind goes blank.

Friday was my first day at my new job… and it was also the night I found out my dad’s cousin Brian had died the night before.

We knew it would probably happen, but I think it’s still a shock for all of us. He was only forty-three — three years older than my dad. He was so young and so lost… It’s heartbreaking.

I went to the wake last night. I usually avoid the coffin because the person never looks like they did, but Brian looked pretty close. He just looked like he was sleeping.

I wasn’t close to Brian, but my dad was before Brian got so into drugs. The funeral is this morning. I didn’t have enough notice to take the day off, and everyone says it’s okay, but I still wish I was there. When I left the house, my dad looked so sad. He’s got my mom and the rest of our family with him, but still. I wish I could be there.

I’m never going to get used to losing people. I still have a huge gash in my heart from losing Popi. I’m not paralyzed with it, but it’s still like torture.

I wish people didn’t have to die.

I wanna go, go, go

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Maybe it’s winter cabin fever, maybe it’s just wanting to experience something new, but I’ve got an itch to travel. Think about it: I am twenty-two, childless (for now), and curious. (If only I had more money. Or, hell, any money at all!) I’ve been thinking a lot lately about all the different places I want to experience. I’d even like to live in some of these places for a short while, just to see what it’s like.

  • New York City. Last time I went was for the comic convention in October 2010. It was only a few months ago, but it feels like it’s been forever. I’d like to go again, to do something else (maybe see something on Broadway); when I’m in New York, I feel really alive. (It might be the fear of crossing the street, though; all of the drivers are insane!) Even at night, there are thousands of people out on the streets, going somewhere, doing something. I think I’d even like to live there for a while — not too long, though, and definitely not during the winter, with all of the walking I’d have to do in the cold.
  • Australia. I was watching a special on Animal Planet last night about some kind of giant Australian spider that they recently created an anti-venom for (fucked if I can remember the name of the spider). At the beginning of the program, I was kind of panicking, because I’d like to visit Australia sometime, but the idea of a spider bite killing me while out there is not exactly my idea of fun. So when they depicted the first person to be bitten and saved by a (then) newly developed anti-venom, I was pretty relieved. I think Australia is beautiful, and can’t wait to see it someday.
  • England. I guess I’d really like to visit other English-speaking countries first — you know, sort of pop my traveling cherry. Australia and England are at the top of my list. I think it’d be cool as hell to sit in a British pub and have a beer (or four). I’d also like to check out their theatre. Plus, I am part English; some of my ancestors are from our (the States’) cousin country. I think they were Welsh, specifically. Or maybe it’s wishful thinking, since I love Duffy so much.
  • Canada. Again, another English-speaking country I’d like to visit. I also have quite a few friends up north — Jess, Blaine, and my Sanya — who I’d love to meet. I am pretty sure you all live hours apart, but it’d be worth driving around and getting lost in the wilderness snow.
  • Japan. I’ve wanted to visit Japan since I was a kid. For a while, I picked up a lot of Japanese, and was really interested in their culture. Naturally, that led to watching anime and reading manga. For most people, it’s the other way around, but my interest in Japan actually started because of something I borrowed from the library as a tiny Liz. (Again, fucked if I can remember what; I just remember it was from the library and it inspired in me a huge interest.) When I saw Sarah Michelle Gellar move to Tokyo in The Grudge, I thought, I can do that, too! I can totally live on ramen. Who cares that you can’t read the ingredients?! I’m older and smarter now; I’d make sure to learn Japanese before visiting — at least enough so that I could do basic things like go grocery shopping.
  • Florida. Like NYC, I’ve already been to Florida several times. But I feel magnetically attracted to it, in the same way that I have to be around Mike; I just feel like I belong there. Being in a small beach town like Deerfield, just a few minutes’ walk away from the beach, is all I want in life. I’m sure Deerfield is more of a tourist trap now, but if it’s still decent, I don’t care. Even when it’s summer here, I long for Florida sand beneath my toes. It is my biggest wish that Mike will move down with me and we can raise our family there. (Unfortunately, my Michael is stubborn and has his roots firmly set here, where his family is. I totally get it, but I’m slightly afraid that this will eventually pull us apart. We shall see.)
  • Italy. I am mostly Italian. I’d love to see where my Biz Noni’s parents came from. (She’s my great-grandmother; my dad’s mom’s [Noni's] mother.) Popi is half Italian, half French, so I’d love to see where his family came from, too (even though from what I hear, they were not good people). Plus, as shallow as this is going to sound, I love pasta, and the thought of being in the country where most pasta dishes¹ came from sends my tastebuds into a near-erotic frenzy. On a less shallow note, I love hearing Italian spoken, and hope that someday I can speak it, too.
  • France. Watching Inglourious Basterds made me really want to see France. I think French is a beautiful language — actually, I think most languages are beautiful: English, Japanese, Italian, Hindi, French, Spanish, etc — and I want to sit in a French cafe, smoking a cigarette with a cup of coffee and pastry in front of me. (Okay, I guess after thinking about all of my reasons for wanting to visit other places, I’m a shallow romantic.)
  • Egypt. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to go to Egypt and see the pyramids and other monuments. I’d die happy if I could walk through the passages of a pyramid. Of course, right now things aren’t too stable in Egypt, so it will be quite a while before it’ll be safe to visit. (Plus, I’m a huge believer in speaking at least some of the language of the country you’re visiting, and although I dabbled a little in glyphs as a kid, Egyptian is very difficult to learn.)
  • Mexico. I want to see the Mayan ruins, plain and simple. (I’d also like to visit a Spanish-speaking country, because, again, it’s a beautiful language, but my inner history nerd gets the credit for this one.) When I think of Mexico, I either think of the Mayans or of the 1800′s (but probably because Mike has been playing a lot of Red Dead Redemption).

I guess for now I need to get a job, right? Then maybe I can start thinking about seeing something on Broadway in the summer. I just really want to see some new places. Someone once told me that a good writer has traveled and seen a lot. Aside from itching to go, I’d like the experience so that I can apply it to my stories.

What places do you want to visit?

♦

On a totally different note, am I an old lady, or is the font on this theme way too freaking small?!

¹Yes, I know that pasta technically originated in China, from where Marco Polo brought the noodle recipe to Italy.

My head split open, I threw up… and then I found my Christmas spirit

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I found my Christmas spirit. I was laying in bed the other night, pretty much dying of a migraine, when I realized I have a lot of people who love me: my mom made me ice packs and stroked my hair while I cried like a two-year-old who has skinned her knee, Mike tucked me into bed before he went to work, my dad sacrificed the TV so that my brain would stop feeling like it was swelling, and my cat snuggled up with me as if to keep watch. With all of that love, who cares whether I’m broke! Sounds magical, right? There was also throwing up and screaming. Trust me, it was not up to Disney standards. It was only my fourth migraine, but I swear each one is worse than the last.

Definitely puts things in perspective.

Apparently I’ve also never mentioned them to my mom before, so she wants me to tell Pam (my PA for those of you who are new) next time I see her. It may or may not have anything to do with the Mystery Autoimmune Disease, but they could probably give me good drugs for the next one — and there will almost definitely be a “next one.” I spent from 4:30 Wednesday night to most of Thursday in bed; even though I woke up and only a small, threatening headache remained, I was completely exhausted and decided what I needed most was rest.

Then, last night, I risked having another massive headache by going out and getting completely sloshed with a bunch of friends for Sandy‘s birthday. (I am so grateful to her for buying my drinks. I’m definitely getting her an awesome birthday/Christmas present.) I was so drunk that, when I woke up this morning before the sun was even up, I was still drunk, and when I woken up again around eight, I was tipsy. I woke up again at noon and was fine, though, so I guess I’m pretty lucky. I’ve only been hungover once and I intend to keep it that way, but last night I guess I tried pretty hard to get one! I know my limit, though, and stopped after… five drinks and two shots: two orange juices with Peach Tree and vodka, two shots of raspberry chocolate wine, and three vodka collinses. Eep. Yeah, I’m pretty damn lucky!

Oh well. I figure, I’m twenty-two, and pretty much have to do this. I enjoy it and enjoy the company. Our group always has a blast.

So yeah, if you see a video of me singing “Wannabe” with a couple of hot chicks, don’t be surprised. I was way too drunk to say no when Jess suggested it!

Just another Thanksgiving list

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As much as I’ve been whining lately, I have a lot to be thankful for.

I have two sweet cats (even though they aren’t so sweet to each other). I have a printer that does print (even though it is mentally challenged), and a laptop, both of which I use to write stories. Which reminds me — I am thankful that I have the ability to put my thoughts and feelings and imagination into words.

I have an awesome sister who is my best friend, and an awesome best friend who is like a sister. I have a beautiful family: my mom, dad, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I have a boyfriend who fits me completely.

I also have a mouth, which can taste and chew and eat (pleasepleaseplease let 2:00 tomorrow come quickly)! I have a body that may be diseased, but does allow me — roadblocks and all — to do what I love , and I am so thankful for that.

I have a great group of friends, both online and offline. I have a job that, although it can be stressful, I love, and allows me to work from home, during my own hours. I am so thankful that I don’t have to get up early in the morning, that I can work in my pajamas or sweats, and take as many breaks as I want, so that I can rest when I need to.

I have a beautiful niece and beautiful godchildren.

I have so much good in my life that, when I lump it all together, it far outweighs the bad.

And that is what I’m most thankful for.

What are you thankful for?