On Wednesday I saw my gastroenterologist. Initially, I was annoyed because I felt like he barely listened to me. I’m still annoyed, but I’m also feeling a little more optimistic today.
According to Dr. Zlotoff (my gastroenterologist), I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), and it’s a separate issue from my autoimmune disease. He gave me a prescription that should start working in about a week, and sent me on my way.
I did mention my nail clubbing, but he didn’t seem interested in that.
Still, I have one problem that has a diagnosis, and a treatment; he said there are tons more medications I can try if this one doesn’t work.
If I can start feeling a little better in a week, it will be a beautiful thing. And who knows? Maybe my rheumatologist will still start me on treatment for Rheumatoid Arthritis… and then I’ll have two diagnoses and treatments.
I’m still not very happy with Wednesday’s appointment with Dr. Z, though. I don’t feel like he listened to me at all, and the more research I do, the less I think it’s IBS and the more I think it’s IBD. When I see my rheumatologist, I’m going to see if there is another gastroenterologist that I can see for a second opinion. My main concerns are that my nails are clubbing, which is a sign of IBD. As much as I’d like to have a diagnosis, I definitely don’t want a wrong diagnosis.
I’m almost kicking myself for canceling my appointment at Yale. While I’m happy with my rheumatologist, and certainly don’t want to drive all the way to New Haven for appointments, I kind of feel like I need a second opinion. I’m going to talk with my rheumatologist first, though, and see what he says about Dr. Zlotoff’s diagnosis and my RA treatment plan. I am trying to look at the bigger picture before I hit the panic button.
I’ve been pretty quiet lately, in general. I’ve just been kind of… processing, I guess. To be completely honest, I’m very stressed, very depressed, and completely exhausted. My blood pressure is scientific proof. There’s so much going on, I can’t seem to catch up. But today I actually got some good news.
Well, okay, so it’s not actually news yet, but I think it’s a step forward.
I saw my rheumatologist today to follow up on last week. (I just realized that I haven’t posted the vlog I made about last week’s fantastical random health issue. The video below is from last Friday, and explains everything.)
I’m a bad girl and didn’t see my gynecologist, but mostly because the cream that Sandy gave me was helping, and I
didn’t see the point in spending more money on a doctor’s visit for them to shrug their shoulders, and
It cleared up completely, and I’ve just been trying to get rid of the athlete’s foot now (which I didn’t mention in the video, but I’ve had it between my toes for weeks). It’s gotten a lot better, and even Dr. Greco said so today. After doing some thinking, I figured that my diaper rash actually was a diaper rash, from the back-to-back IBS issues lately. Even if it was a yeast infection, the Nystatin that Sandy gave me is also an anti-fungal, so I killed two birds with one stone. I can also use it on my athlete’s foot (which sounds grosser than “yeast infection,” by the way).
However, because my body likes messing with me, I had a new issue to discuss with my rheumatologist today. Since this Monday, I’ve had this burning sensation across my cheeks, as if I have a really bad sunburn. It’s not really red, but it is uncomfortable. When I’m in the sun, it feels worse — just like a sunburn would. I haven’t been in the sun enough to have a burn, and I don’t burn easy anyway, so it’s odd. I thought on Monday that I had a fever, but my temperature was only 98.9, which is like .3 degrees above normal — nothing that would make my cheeks feel like that. I did some research and thought that it might be a Malar rash, but Dr. Greco didn’t seem to be concerned, so I’m just going to hit the STOP BEING PARANOID button and ignore it, unless something drastic happens (like an actual rash appears across my face, or something).
He did however set up the referral for my gastroenterologist, for my IBS issues. He said that Inflammatory Bowel Syndrome can be caused by the same inflammation that causes rheumatoid arthritis, but he does want to double check that nothing else is going on. “If,” he said, “Dr. Zlotoff says that the bleeding is not an issue, I’m going to start you on treatment for Rheumatoid Arthritis.”
Treatment.
Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Those are two things I’ve been wanting to hear — treatment, and a possible diagnosis — for years.
In the meantime, he gave me a prescription for Skelaxin, which he said helps with musculoskeletal pain. I will see him again in about a month, and have to set up an appointment with my gastroenterologist as soon as possible. (I’m going to call in the morning.)
My fingers are crossed that Dr. Zlotoff finds no issue aside from hemorrhoids with my IBS bleeding, so that I can start treatment pronto. If treatment for RA works, that means it’s most likely what I have.
I just want to take back control of my health.
In other news, the nose is doing well. I asked my body piercings expert, Crystal, if it was okay to use saline nasal wash for my sinus infection with the fresh piercing. I figured it would be fine, but I wanted to make sure. She told me that it would be fine since she uses sea salt to clean all of her new piercings, so I decided to try sea salt, too. I don’t know about anyone else, but trying to wash and rinse the inside of your nose with antibacterial soap is a pain in the ass. I started cleaning it with sea salt, gauze, and Q-tips for the first time a few nights ago, and I instantly noticed a huge difference. I could actually turn the stud without hassle, could raise it a little to clean underneath it, and best of all, it was a lot less sore after using the sea salt.
I keep forgetting that I have it, though; every so often, I’ll think to myself, “Damn, I have a huge booger in my nose! I should get it out…” And then I’ll yank my hand away as it starts to move toward my face, mentally scolding myself for nearly forgetting.
I woke up this morning and noticed little green buds on the tree outside of our bathroom window. I knew spring was here just from the spring rains we’ve been having, but seeing those tiny little capsules of life gives me hope.
Things have been pretty bleak lately up in my mental space. I cry almost every night because I miss Popi, but I force that pain to remain silent. It got so bad that I started withdrawing, pushing everyone away. I wanted to be alone, even though I felt so lonely.
Depression is such a paradox like that.
Being in my head these last few days hurt in a way that I can’t even describe, like having the most painful open wound, only on my heart. When I finally told Mike how I felt, though, the wound closed a little. I feel a lot more healed than I have in months.
Being trapped in this body and mind is exhausting. My body is, as usual, being crazy. I often feel like there’s no escape. The rashes on my hands come and go, I wake up every morning stiff and sore, my GI system changes its mind every day, I’m constantly thirsty no matter how much I drink, and the amount of mucus in my sinuses makes me nauseous every day. I have not been a fun person, mentally or on the outside, to others.
I saw my rheumatologist on Thursday, and got the results from the blood work I had done back in January. Everything came back negative. The only thing that showed up was that my blood sugar was a little high, which is strange because I’m hypoglycemic, and my blood sugar was crashing when I got the blood work done because I’m stupid and hadn’t eaten yet. It doesn’t make any sense. I talked to Dr. Kelly — my rheumatologist’s office is run by a husband and wife; this time I saw Dr. Greco’s wife — about my current concerns, and she also looked at the joints in my arms and hands. She said that the joints in my right knuckles were all swollen, so she gave me some samples of Celebrex — an anti-inflammatory — to try. She also ordered more blood work, thinking that my IBS-like symptoms could be caused by Celiac. Interestingly, the symptoms of Celiac are pretty close to mine, although I don’t notice any onset of symptoms after eating anything with gluten.
So, as usual… PLEASE LET THIS BE CELIAC! I want a diagnosis so badly, I don’t even care what it is at this point. I am so tired of going to the doctor and getting more blood work done. I feel like every time I take a step closer to finding out what is going on with my body, I end up taking two steps back. This month marks four years since my body started going crazy. I have spent four years trying to get an answer. It might not seem like a long time to some people, but it feels like an eternity to me.
I started Celebrex this morning. Dr. Kelly told me that it could irritate my stomach and make my GI issues worse, and that it could also cause swelling in my feet, so if it does bother me in any way, I am to stop it immediately. I’m also to get the blood work done a week after being on Celebrex, to check my kidneys because Celebrex can cause kidney problems, although it’s pretty rare.
How many drugs have I tried now? I’ve lost count. I asked her if Celebrex would make me feel weird, and she said it won’t, because it’s only an anti-inflammatory, and is non-steroidal. Good thing, because we all know how I react to meds. Sigh.
Other than being at war with my brain and body, things are all right. I’ve been at my new job for a month now. It’s moving slowly, and sometimes I’m really not sure where I fit in, but I think I will start to get into a rhythm soon. Hopefully. It’s frustrating at times, because I feel like they don’t listen to me, but let’s face it: I’m new and I’m relatively young. My age has never worked in my odds, but usually, with my old clients, as soon as I opened my mouth, they realized I knew what I was talking about. I have to keep reminding myself that there is a lesson in this new job somewhere; there is a reason why I’m working there and not somewhere else. I need to keep an open mind and try to be extra patient with the situation, rather than letting it either crack me up or make me want to crack a wall with my head.
And, of course, I have hosting again. It might sound silly, but I could hug this domain. This really is my digital home. I could not write comfortably at Diary of a Sicky. (However, I really liked the name, so I “migrated” it over here.) I’ve been setting things up again little by little. Right now, Freaking Bookworm is the only site that is completely all set. I have big plans for that little site. I’ve written up a marketing/business plan for it and will be posting it on the site soon. My goal with Freaking Bookworm has always been to talk about the books and comics I read with other people, but I’m taking it a step further. Just you wait and see! It’s going to be awesome!
I’m waiting impatiently for Tuesday, the day that a musician I’ve been following for close to ten years releases her first single. I was listening to Alaina Beaton back when she was Porcelain and the Tramps. Tuesday she’s releasing her first single, “This is What Rock and Roll Sounds Like,” under a huge record label Red One — the same label that Lady Gaga is on — under the name Porcelain Black. Her old music is fucking awesome. She describes it as if Britney Spears and Marilyn Manson “fucked and had a kid,” but since I don’t like Britney, it’s more like… I dunno. It’s awesome. My only concern is that her new single is featuring Lil Wayne. If you heard her stuff back when she was PATT, this would be a huge shock to you. It’s very strange, never mind the fact that I can’t stand Lil Wayne.
See? Totally not hip hop. But maybe I will be pleasantly surprised. I can’t imagine how this could end well — for my musical taste, anyway — but I’ve loved her music for so long that I am clinging to the hope that she hasn’t changed. Clinging, I tell you. Oh well. I guess I’ll have to wait until Tuesday. Don’t worry, though; I’ll definitely be writing about it.
(As an aside, I really hate that YouTube changed their embed code to iframes. Since I use self-hosted WordPress, I have to paste the embed code in HTML view, and if I go into Visual view, the video disappears. This isn’t so much a problem for me as it is for people who don’t use HTML. WordPress.com blogs let you paste the video URL between brackets — for example:
– in Visual and you’re golden. Anyone know of a plugin that does that for self-hosted WP?)
I finally got paid for the projects I was waiting to receive payment for on Wednesday. It felt amazing to deposit that check into my bank account. It also felt amazing to put gas in my car and buy myself a pack of cigarettes. Since I get my first full check from work this coming Friday, I also got myself a few treats: two books and a pound of Starbucks Caffe Verona. I was thinking about going to get tattoos #3 and #4 today, but Mike has work for 3:15 — what a random time — and will have the car. Also, while I know exactly what I want for one of them, I’m still researching and thinking about the other. I’d rather get them both at the same time.
One of the treats was going out for karaoke — on my own tab. The few times I have gone were only because a friend offered to buy my drinks. I am stubborn and hate feeling like a mooch. I had a great time last night with Mike, Sandy, Sean, Mary, and Greg at Hojo’s. I took Sandy out to dinner before we met everyone at the bar, too. It was nice to have some time alone, and it felt good to be able to treat her. (Although, she cornered me into letting her buy me a new pair of jeans. I have to admit, it feels nice to have a pair of jeans that isn’t too tight.)
On Friday I’ll be able to pay for three years of hosting. I cannot wait to move back into elizawhat.com. I’ll also be able to pay back Mike, and pay my mom for my January, February, and March car insurance. This weekend I’m going to send out my March payment now for my student loan, and pick up some gifts for a few birthdays I missed.
I’m so relieved now that I can stand on my own two feet again.
I’m also relieved because my aunt and I have gone back to the relationship we had before. We had dinner together on Wednesday, just like old times. It’s nice to just be aunt and niece again, with that best friend and mother-daughter kind of relationship, instead of us both highly stressed out and butting heads.
On March 10th I have an appointment with Dr. Greco (my rheumatologist). I have some notes for him but nothing really new. I’ve been trying to keep track of my GI system’s shit — no pun intended — to see if there’s a pattern, because I’m obsessive like that, and want some answers for all of my symptoms, dammit. I’ve also been keeping track of my pain and other symptoms.
Work is going well. I’m starting to learn some of their office politics — all businesses have them; I could tell you some stories from my freelance days — and although it’s been a little frustrating, I’m working through it. Mainly, it’s that I’ve come into a position that opened up because they were very, very unhappy with the last person, so they’re extremely cautious with me. While it’s not fair to me, it’s understandable. I know that I rock at my profession, though, so I only have to work at their pace and try my best to soothe their concerns.
I’m working on some stuff for Freaking Bookworm. I’d like to do a monthly book club, and each month do a live podcast that everyone can listen in on and call into to talk about the book. The site I’m probably going to use, TalkShoe, also has live chat during the show, for those who can’t or don’t want to call in. If you’re interested, let me know. I already have the first book in mind; I’m just trying to get together some sort of format. (You know, other than me babbling.) I’d like to have some specific discussion topics, you know?
I’m also looking into monetizing Freaking Bookworm in some way. I’ve tried Google ads and the Barnes and Noble affiliate program, but I know all too well that ads are just white noise to people. (I mean, shit, I ignore them, so why should anyone else pay attention to them?) I’m looking into the Amazon affiliate program, so that I can sell the books I’m reviewing in a little store and receive a commission on the ones I sell. I think it’d be hot shit to literally make money off of reading books so that I can buy more books. It’s the next best thing to making a living off of writing books. ♥
My only real complaint right now is that my allergies are kicking up again, but since that means spring is on the way, I can’t really complain. I’ll just live on Simply Saline and Claritin-D.
That’s really the gist of my life right now — which is a relief. There’s no stress, now that I’m on my feet again. My biggest problem at the moment is figuring out which movie Mike and I should see tonight, if he’s not too tired after work. I’m looking forward to having a date night, but we’re most definitely going out for breakfast tomorrow, so even if we don’t go out tonight, it’s all good. I’m hoping that in the morning we can start putting together a plan for getting our own place. I was thinking about all of the things we’re going to need this morning, and it’s kind of overwhelming. Like, can we really save enough to get the necessities, some extras, and afford the rent, all by the summer?
Still, now that I have a regular paycheck and am not so fucking stressed out, it all seems possible. It doesn’t seem like just a silly dream.
I felt okay physically today, but last night and today I’ve been feeling kind of depressed. I’m not sure why I’m feeling this way, but it took me all day to get in the shower and get dressed. I still did it, though!
50's-esque hair
I was trying to curl my bangs under or over, but ended up with this.
You can totally see my cheeseburger baby bump and rolls. Sigh.
V-neck tee: Forever 21
Jeans: Amethyst
Beads: Throwback from my jewelry box*
