I have a date next week…
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Tag Archives: elizawhat
Meet my five-month-old To Do list
Someone needs to hold me accountable, dammit. So no, these are not resolutions — just a giant To Do list that has been building for the last few months. If I don’t start getting these things done, do something terrible to me. Like… Something. I dunno. I’m sure you’ll think of something good.
- Get 401(k) transfer form from old job. I need this so I can open an IRA and transfer the $1,000+ that’s in my 401(k). Because, you know, that’s for those later years when I can sit on my ass on the beach every day and write in the evenings.
- Organize work area, big desk, and corner. This probably won’t help speed up the process of moving the rooms around in our little house, but it’ll make my Virgo self feel a hell of a lot better.
- Return P.O. Box keys. I couldn’t afford to renew the Letters of Love P.O. Box, so I had to let them close it. I haven’t made it downtown to return the keys yet. They can’t penalize me for that… right? Right?!
- Pay library late fees. I just remembered this. Eek. I love the library, and I love being able to use it. Obviously.
- Pay car registration renewal fees. Before I can do that, I have to take it for emissions testing. I need to do this like… this week.
- Get a new bra. I need to write a new GIRLS ONLY post about bra issues. Just know that the Victoria’s Secret store doesn’t carry my size, and I can’t wait long enough to order one online.
- Pay back Mike. I owe him $225. (He lent me money when I was dirt broke so that I could buy Christmas presents for everyone.)
- Pay Mom for car insurance for December. Please, please, please let my clients pay their invoices this week! (I wonder if they were all waiting for the new year, for tax purposes? Argh.)
- Put aside money for taxes. Because, you know, I totally haven’t put anything aside. At all. Sigh. (Please, please, please let my clients pay their invoices soon!)
- Go through clothes, shoes, and other things. I have several shirts that are too tight — that were tight even before I gained weight, so at least there’s that — and since I just got several new sweaters, my bin of clothes is overflowing. (No dresser, remember?) I have a couple pairs of pants that I’m hoping to fit into again someday, so those are staying, dammit. I also have some shoes I don’t wear anymore. All of these things will either be donated, or sold to Goodwill or something. (I always donate them, but right now I’m pretty desperate for extra cash, so I might just sell them. We’ll see.) In general, I’d like to minimize the amount of things I own, since our living area is small. I just gave Vinny, my cousin, a Grand Theft Auto game I don’t play anymore. I should go through and see what other PS2 games I don’t use, since his PS2 is the only system he has. (Not to say that I don’t use my PS1 and PS2 games, but I’m sure there are some I don’t.) I went through my books a few weeks ago and have yet to take out the bags and boxes full of the ones I want to donate or give away. Sometimes, I’m just as bad as my dad when it comes to procrastination.
- Renew Barnes and Noble membership. You know, after all the bills and debts are paid. I cannot wait to go buy some books!
- Read Sade On the Wall manuscript. I haven’t touched it in a while. I’m ready to start editing, and the first step is to read it through and make a list of Things to Fix as I read. If you haven’t read it, you can read it here.
- Make appointment with local rheumatologist. Now that the holidays are over, I’m hoping I can get in touch with that local rheumatologist Mom found. (I think I forgot to tell you that my doctor’s office refused to do the referral themselves, told me I had to set up an appointment and then have them send over the referral, and that I couldn’t get in touch with the rheumatologist. Ah, the medical merry-go-round.)
You’d think I’d start on some of these things now, right? But no. I have college dropouts to take care of (Sims 2). I also have a Bare Minerals how-to DVD to watch. I bought the Get Started kit with some of my Christmas money and cannot wait to use it. Sandy put it on me about two years ago when we went to her friend’s wedding, and I loved it; it made my shiny spots go away. (Side note: Two years ago I didn’t know if I wanted to ever get married, yet lately Mike and I have been talking nonstop about getting married within the next few years. Life is funny.)
And you know what? I like my online persona just fine right now. I think I was just feeling indecisive about other things — my career, which I will definitely write about soon — and it carried over. I’m here to stay, for now anyway.
What’s on your To Do list?
Because I'm somewhere in between
I think I’m growing out of my “elizawhat” pseudonym. I bought elizabethkaylene.com a while back, and right now it’s redirecting to elizawhat.com… but I’m starting to think I want to move there. Permanently. After all, my name is Elizabeth Kaylene. And, if I moved there, it could also be my writing site (since elizabethbarone.com is taken and I’m not sure whether I want elizabethbarone.net). That being said, maybe I should just get elizabethbarone.net and use that for everything, or use elizabethkaylene.com for my personal blog, and elizabethbarone.net for my writing site.
I just know that I’m growing out of “elizawhat.” The thing that sucks is, my email, YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are all “elizawhat.”
Ugh. I am so indecisive.
What are your thoughts?
Moving day
I remember setting this blog up after discovering WordPress.com and blogging there for a little while. Once I was used to WordPress and found out that I could use it on my own domain, I bought PerpetualSmile.net and began blogging here.
For almost two years, I wrote here about nearly everything going on in my life, from the good to the very bad. I learned how to tell my story. I made friends. I even had a couple of posts that hit the ground running and are probably still viral right now. Here, I learned how to blog (as opposed to rant and whine, like I did on LiveJournal).
I started thinking about moving to a new domain a few months ago. Since I use the username elizawhat for almost everything, I thought that would be appropriate. I needed a change, a fresh start.
This is my last post here. Please update your bookmarks and feed reader to http://elizawhat.com and http://elizawhat.com/feed/, respectively. See you there!
A recipe for batshit soup
“I havnt talked to you in a while and wanted to say hi and stuff,” reads the text message. Ever since opening it, all I can think of are his hands around my throat.
* * * * *
Things have been absolutely bonkers on planet elizawhat. Aside from people from my past popping up like germs on a little kid’s hands, life has been packed with huge projects for clients with looming deadlines, a new niece to snuggle and love and gaze at while she sleeps, anxiety about Popi’s angioplasty that he had done today, a renewed sense of connection and even deeper love for Mike (who has been amazing beyond words through all of the shit hitting the fan), a slew of phone calls to schedule appointments with various doctors, more worry while we wait to see what the doctors say is going on with Dad, depression cycling in and out of me faster than fucking bunnies (and “fucking” is a verb here, heh), and a deep, unquenchable urge to play Sims and write even though I barely have time to sleep.
Suddenly, “bonkers” doesn’t seem quite appropriate; things are absolutely batshit.
* * * * *
Popi has been having chest pains, that go all the way down to his elbow. They found two clogs in the arteries of his heart, and did an angioplasty this afternoon to open up the arteries. They’re not sure why the arteries were clogged; it could be the chemo, it could be something that was already there before the cancer came along. More than likely it is the chemo, because a few weeks ago they did a full slew of tests and no clogs were detected.
I’m angry and afraid, to be perfectly blunt. I’m angry at the chemo, and afraid that it’s going to destroy him, piece by piece, before the cancer does. And then I saw him last night, and seeing him looking well and being with him made me think more positively. I look at my great-great-aunt Nan, who is in her nineties and was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer more than six years ago. She’s fine today, still kickin’, feisty for such an old lady. She makes her own clothing. She drinks wine. She cracks jokes, sometimes dirty ones. She’s got an uncanny strength for someone who looks so fragile. I admire her, deeply.
She is proof that Popi can make it through. It pisses me off when everyone starts discussing hospice. It’s like they’ve already given up. I don’t want to give up. Call me selfish, but I want to keep my Popi. I like to think that he can kick this thing’s ass, even if it’s already taken its toll in so many places: hip, spine, liver, lung. Fuck you, cancer. My Popi is stubborn and won’t go down so easily. I won’t let him.
* * * * *
My niece is a doll. She has Jaysa’s nose, Robbie’s face. Her hair is black and her head is full of it. Her eyes are big and constantly open, aware. She may not be able to see much yet, but she looks like she’s perfectly aware of what’s going on. Ciana Olivia Pelletier already has all of us wrapped around her tiny, long fingers.
* * * * *
It’s hard to talk about everything that is swirling through my mind. I don’t really even know where to start. I’m bone tired, thanks to a week full of nights spent staying up until the ass crack of dawn to get pieces of projects complete. I keep reminding myself that if I work hard now, in five to ten years I’ll be able to enjoy things. Sometimes I wish I could be a “normal” twenty-one-year-old, spending my late nights partying instead of working, falling asleep with veins full of thin, beer- or vodka-chased blood, then waking up to do it all over again the next day. But my partying stages were years ago, when being fifteen meant that I didn’t care much about my future. Now, I want that future, whatever it may be.
* * * * *
I know things have been pretty serious around here. I promise to try to make this place fun again. Thank you for listening.
