Tag Archives: facebook

Stream of Consciousness Never Looked So ADD

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Me right now... or like two hours ago. Whatever.

Me right now... or like two hours ago. Whatever.

In less than two weeks, I have another appointment with my rheumatologist… and I have yet to get my xrays done. I know I need to get them done, but I just can’t motivate myself to go. I think part of me just doesn’t want to know if there actually is joint damage, but I’m also pretty sure my copay for xrays is $75, and I totally don’t have that kind of money all at once. I’ve been on a super tight budget and am living extremely frugally, mostly because my paychecks aren’t all that great anyway, but also because I’m trying to save for an apartment and a new computer. I know I don’t really need these things, but I’m seriously ready for my own space.

I have no idea where I was going with this post. I think I was going to say something about being a boring blogger lately, and wanting to cut my hair, and how much it sucks when good friendships go south, but I’m living in an editing- and work-induced haze lately, so I’ll leave you with this: I know I said I would never come back to Facebook, but it has come to my attention that A) a lot of you want me back on there, and B) I might have shot myself in the foot since it’s a – damn I hate admitting this — great marketing tool. I’ve been thinking about going back. (I hate myself for even thinking it, trust me.) Would you throw rotten vegetables at me for going back?

PS: Speaking of social media, Instagram and Pinterest are my new crack. My Instagram username is “elizabethbarone,” and if you’re not already on Pinterest and want an invite, let me know and I’ll shoot one your way.

2012 So Far: It’s All Coming Together

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I’ve been horribly lacking in the blogging department lately. I’d apologize, but I’ve been accomplishing a lot. As some of you know, my parents, sister, and I moved in with my grandparents about six years ago. The house is a three-family home, and each apartment is a one-bedroom. Originally, my great-grandmother lived on the first floor and my grandparents lived on the third floor. My great aunt lives on the second floor. When we moved in, my sister and I moved in with my grandparents on the third floor, and my parents moved in with my great-grandmother on the first floor. It was supposed to be temporary, so we literally slapped down mattresses in the middle of each apartment. When Popi got sick, he and Noni moved downstairs and my parents came upstairs. Mike moved in with us on the third floor. Popi passed away. Our apartment continued to look like a hostel rather than a home.

For years, we planned on moving things around, making it look better, but for one reason or another (conflicting schedules, procrastination, etc), it never quite happened. We did finally empty out our storage unit and move everything into the cellar. Mom rearranged the bedroom. I decided to stop waiting for any kind of collaborative effort and took it upon myself to rearrange my sister’s and my room, what was originally our grandparents’ dining room.

For the past six years, our mattresses sat on an angle in the middle of the room, leaving only a slim pathway between the living room and kitchen. It’s still not done, but I moved a lot of furniture around, went through all of my things and took out several garbage bags, vacuumed, dusted… and ended up with this:

Coming together...

Coming together...

There’s still a huge walnut desk and dry sink that need to be moved downstairs so that Noni can use them again (the dry sink is just for decoration), but it’s coming together nicely. Mostly, I’m proud of myself because I thought I couldn’t do anything like this anymore (moving furniture around). I thought it’d be too much on my body… which it was, but I did it anyway. And you know what? Every day after I moved furniture, I felt a little better. Sure, I popped a lot of Tylenol and Tramadol at night after lifting, heaving, and tugging all day, but the sense of pride I felt way outweighed the pain.

I’ve lost a little momentum now, but can’t do much more anyway until the desk and dry sink come out. I have “before” pictures and I can’t wait to show you them with the “after” pictures I’m going to take. I know it’s probably not such a big deal, but knowing I did this all by myself is a big deal to me. Take that, joint pain! Plus, getting anything done around here is a big deal anyway. We’ve all been sardined in here for so long that everyone’s sort of gotten comfortable with it, even though we all complain about the lack of space.

I printed out the first draft of Secondhand Mom, and as I put the pages into plastic page protectors in a binder, I noticed a lot of continuity errors just from speed reading as I went through the stack. I sort of want to edit Secondhand Mom before I work on Sade On the Wall, but I’m not sure yet. I think SOTW will be easier to turn into a second draft, because there aren’t any continuity errors, just some style issues, accuracy with some description, and maybe pace. The more editing and revising I do, the more I love it.

Speaking of which, I’ve edited and revised another short story to be published as an ebook soon. I just need to format the manuscript and haven’t had the chance to do it. I did design a cover, though, and after sleeping on it for a few days, I’m really happy with it and won’t be making any changes. At some point, I’m going to write up a quick post about designing covers.

And continuing with the writing theme… I found a website that has tons of freelance copywriting jobs, and was thinking about trying to make that into my part-time income, but then decided I’d rather spend that time working on my fiction. So, one of my goals for this year have changed, just a little.

I’m really anxious to get this room finished, though, because my whole reason for rearranging it was to create a more organized and comfortable work space for myself. I have a hard time doing any writing when I feel cluttered.

I’ve also been thinking about going back to Facebook. Hear me out. I know I said I wouldn’t, but it’s becoming more and more clear to me that, for marketing purposes, I do probably need to be there, to some extent. I want to get my hands dirtier with self-publishing and submitting stories to markets so that when I start querying Sade On the Wall, I have somewhat of a name and readership built up for myself. I was talking with a friend one night over dinner about self-publishing and she asked me if she could do it, too. “Sure,” I said. “You’d even have a leg up on me, because you still have a Facebook, with friends and family on it who’d support your work.” And it’s true. I gained a lot of readers through Facebook. Half the time, I didn’t even know people were reading until it was casually mentioned, or someone emailed me about a blog post I’d written. I’ve decided that, if I do go back, my personal profile will be completely locked down, and I’ll use it only to run a page focused on my writing. That way, I won’t have to deal with most of the things I hated about Facebook. I haven’t completely decided yet, though.

Speaking of social media, I now have an author profile on Goodreads. This isn’t nearly as cool as it sounds. It’s still the same profile I had before, just more writerly. I’m still relatively unknown… but I’m hoping this will give me a leg up. Maybe I won’t have to return to the devil Facebook. ;)

However — and this is cool — I discovered that Goodreads authors can put their ebooks up for sale there… so “Moon Prayer” is now available on Goodreads. “Moon Prayer” is still not available on Amazon… but De told me it’s because Smashwords and Amazon are at some kind of standstill for negotiations, so I need to upload it to Amazon myself. This is on my mile-long To Do list… which is only getting longer, but I love every minute of this.

I’ve been following De’s successes closely for a long time now, but recently started following the success story of Amanda Hocking as well, and the more I read about either of them, the more possible this all seems. I’m going to be an author. It doesn’t feel far-fetched, like some kind of pipe dream. It feels like a real dream. It still scares me, but in a good way.

If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.

via Pinterest

It’s freeing.

Aside from all that, I’ve been reading, experimenting with clothing and makeup, contemplating cutting my hair, spending time with friends and family, saving my ass off for a Mac and an apartment, snuggling with my cat, loving Mike and falling in love with him over and over, and just enjoying life in general.

It’s all coming together.

I Need to Stop Digitally Hoarding if I'm Going to be a Writer

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I realized this last night as I flipped through the pages and pages of usernames and passwords for different online accounts that I have. I can guarantee that I don’t even use half of them, and another 40% of them I probably only use once in a great while, especially if I need to procrastinate something. Still, I can hardly bear to get rid of these accounts. A perfect example is the Facebook account I deactivated. I know how to fully delete it thanks to Matt, but can’t bring myself to do it. What if I do want to use it again? I ask myself. Then the facebook.com/elizawhat username might be taken and that’s my name. It’s MINE. I didn’t really even use the thing, and yet I can’t convince myself that it’s okay to delete it forever. The same goes for my old @elizawhat, @freakingbookwrm, and @lettersoflove Twitter accounts, and a bunch of other accounts. Those names are MINE, dammit. What if I want them later and someone has taken them?!

I’m a digital hoarder.

I’d really like to simplify my digital life. I’ve been wanting to for a while, but while I knew it was the right decision, I still had a really hard time letting go. I try hard to be honest here and to be honest with myself, so here’s the truth: I have many websites and different social accounts. I almost always create them on a whim, and then I feel guilty for ignoring them, so I feel obligated to keep them, but only end up using them occasionally. A perfect example is Letters of Love. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very, very proud of that site. The thing is, I created it during a time when I really needed it, and I don’t need it anymore. Because I don’t need it anymore, I don’t have the passion I once had to keep it going. At the same time, though, I can’t bear to let someone else take it over because it’s mine. It’s my baby. Call me possessive, I don’t care. I just can’t let go, and I can’t bear to leave it sitting there collecting digital dust.

I also started Freaking Bookworm, and then fell way off the book review bandwagon. The thing is, I feel too obligated; I feel like I have to review every single book and comic that I read, so then I feel overwhelmed and just don’t review or write anything there. Plus, once I found Goodreads I started to wonder what the hell was the point in doing both. I argue with myself in my head all the time: “Goodreads is just a social network. One day it could disappear. Freaking Bookworm is my site and won’t disappear unless I want it to.” “Yes, but why update both? It’s a pain in the ass to review the same book twice, and repetitive as hell. How can I possibly write two different reviews about the same book without repeating myself?!”

I have a different problem with this blog. I enjoy writing here. I don’t ever feel obligated. However, instead of writing stories like I should be doing, I end up writing posts here. Instead of doing the dishes or cleaning or something else productive, I write draft upon draft that I will probably never actually publish. I regularly have to clean out my drafts because they’re either no longer relevant, half finished, or just too much information to post publicly. I know that I need to let go of this blog and focus more on my fiction writing, but dammit, it’s hard. It’s hard because it’s a security blanket, but it’s also hard because I know there are a lot of you who like this little space and I hate to let you down.

Still, I need to simplify. I don’t want my digital life to resemble the homes we see on Hoarders. I’m sick of leaving half finished projects behind me. I’m disgusted with myself for wasting so much time online when I should really be honing my writing skills; I say all the time that I want to be a writer, but instead of using that time to actually write and improve, I sit online. (I should say, though, that this morning I wrote a story before doing anything else, other than checking my bank account’s balance and a few other quick, important things. I’m damn proud of myself.)

I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet. I mean, I have a pretty good idea, but I’m still thinking about it. Mostly, I’m thinking about the execution. Basically, I want to embark on an adventure next year. (Because holy shit, in a couple of months it will be next year.) I’ve seen another writer, Deanna Knippling, do it and she’s learning a lot and getting a lot out of it. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, pretty much since she first started posting about her experiences with independent epublishing. My first thought was, Damn this is cool. I wish I could do it. A few weeks ago I thought, Maybe I could actually do it. Since last night I’ve been thinking, I want to try it.

Since my writers’ group started in September, I’ve been trying — well, okay, I haven’t been trying too hard because I’ve been blogging here instead — to write one short story a week, that way I’d have something new every week for my writers’ group. So far, I’ve written two, and that’s counting today’s story. I’ve had a lot of writers’ block, but it’s getting better finally. I’m also gearing up to do NaNoWriMo this year in November. Coincidentally, elizawhat.com is up for renewal in November. Now, granted, I’m pretty good about sticking to the writing during NaNoWriMo. The rest of the year, you can forget it. I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to be disciplined, dammit. I’ll be completely honest with you: I’m thinking about not renewing this blog. I’m also thinking about cutting down on all of my online accounts, quite severely. At the top of the list are Tumblr and Formspring. I’m keeping my @elizabethbarone Twitter, but the other ones are probably going, too. I’m also going to make myself permanently delete my Facebook.

I need to do this. It’s hard to think about it, and it’s going to be hard to do it, but I need to. I’ve known this for a long time.

I just hope you won’t be too mad at me, or too disappointed. I’d really like to give you a new short story every month. I have a ton that need to be edited so that they won’t suck when you read them, but I’d also like to write a new one every week, for real.

Now, I’m still thinking about all of this, but I’ve slept on it and still feel the same. Usually, when I need to make a decision, I sleep on it because I rarely feel the same the next day. As hard a time I have making decisions, I also tend to go completely the other way at times and make rash decisions. Today I still feel like this needs to be done.

However, if I do delete this blog, there will be a new one. You’ll just have to wait and see it. It’s going to be awesome. And there will definitely still be Liz’s Anatomy. The rest I’m not so sure about.

Why I Just Deactivated My Facebook, and Why I Won't be Coming Back

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I’ve been thinking about deactivating my Facebook for a while. My main reason was that I simply didn’t use it, but I also hated how every time I logged in, something was different. The changes weren’t always drastic, but were at least enough to keep me from doing what I logged in to do so that I could relearn how to use the site. As a user, I find that frustrating. As a former web designer, I find it appalling.

A few days ago I made the decision to deactivate the thing and be done with it and posted a status update saying so, so that my friends had a heads up. Today when I logged in to do the deed, so many of them had commented asking me not to go that I sighed and decided to just stick it out. After all, the sole reason I kept my Facebook was to update my pages, especially since I could have my sites’ pages automatically updated when I posted a new blog post. Of course, upon logging in I discovered that things had changed yet again, so before I could even update anything, I had to go through an annoying few minutes of reading about how the home page had been reorganized and how my profile had been reorganized. Once all of that was out of the way, I noticed a news article my sister had posted about yet more upcoming changes to Facebook’s profile pages next week. I decided to just stick with it for the time being, and then headed over to update one of my pages. A notice in a blue box at the top of the page told me that starting “soon,” users would no longer be able to have blog posts automatically imported to pages.

To review, the whole reason I use Facebook is because of my pages, and the whole reason I use pages is because of the ability to automatically import my blogs’ posts to those pages so that my readers on Facebook can get them that way. Kill the import feature, and you basically kill my entire need for Facebook, leaving me no patience for the weekly changes to the layout of the site.

I can honestly say that I feel good without having a Facebook.

The only downside is that an account can never be deleted by the user; it can only be deactivated. As a user and a web designer, I see that as a violation of privacy and possibly as a violation of my freedom. However, since Facebook stubbornly refuses to allow their users this one privilege, I consider my Facebook deleted, as I will never be reactivating it.

The people who are important already know how to get in touch with me via phone or email, so I feel no great loss there. And, on an even better note, now I don’t have to wonder how I’m going to get away with deleting distant family members and people I went to high school with, all of which I never talk actually to but somehow feel obligated to keep in my digital circle.

I already know how to keep in touch with the people I do want to talk to.

Letting go and moving forward

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Sometimes, in order to move forward, we have to leave things behind. It’s never easy to leave these things behind, but by doing so, we become lighter so that we can hold more of what is just ahead.

That’s how I interpret the adage, “When one door closes, another opens.”

I’m sure you can guess where this is going.

I have been blogging personally for about ten years. Maybe more, but I feel old if I think about it too hard. I started off in Diaryland or My Own Journal or something like that, moved to LiveJournal, and then found WordPress and have been using it ever since. I’ve always written about my life and what I was going through in a physical, paper journal, but I found blogging to be more rewarding. I made a lot of friends while sharing my life, and met a lot of people going through similar things. It was comforting, knowing that there was always someone out there listening.

I used to look at my blog as a security blanket. I couldn’t go a day without writing in it. More and more, though, I’m finding myself going days without even thinking about it, and when I do finally think about my blog, I realize I have nothing I feel the need to write about. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time — even before I mentioned anything — and I’ve decided that it’s time to move on.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against personal blogging. I’ve just come to a point in my life where I have no use for having my own personal blog. I want to focus on the adventure ahead of me: going back to school for my B.A. in English so that I can read and write for a living. I want to spend my time reading and writing, and not worrying about updating my personal blog or Twitter account so that people don’t think I’ve fallen off of the planet. I want to spend more time nurturing Freaking Bookworm, because I’ve finally found my “niche” in the blogosphere.

I want to shed the things I no longer need or use so that I can make room for the things ahead. I want to simplify, instead of collecting.

I’ve felt lighter ever since I made this decision.

I’m not just shedding my blog, though. I’m cutting down on all of the domains I own. I’m not using more than half of them, so I’m letting them just expire. I’m letting go of my @elizawhat account on Twitter and just using @freakingbookwrm. I’m looking for someone to take over Letters of Love. I’m getting rid of all nine-hundred of my email addresses, and just using liz@freakingbookworm.com. I’m considering deleting my Facebook, too.

I feel so good about all of this, even though it does make me a little sad. There is so much ahead, though, that I don’t feel empty the way I would have if I’d made this decision a few months ago.

I’ve already set up my new email address, but I don’t have a definite date yet for when I’m killing everything else. You all know where to find me, though, and of course, I know where to find you.