Tag Archives: goals

Goals for 2012

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I think New Year’s resolutions are stupid, mostly because most people pull any old idea out of thin air, walk around talking about their resolutions, and then don’t stick to them. I stopped making resolutions a few years ago and have since been making short lists of goals I want to accomplish that year (see 2009, 2010, 2011 Part 1, 2011 Part 2). It seems much more productive to me, and I’ve actually done really well with it. It helps me prioritize throughout the year, and since I’m very goal-oriented, helps me feel like I’m constantly improving my life. Without further blahblahblah, here are my goals for 2012:

  • Save for and buy a Mac by December 2012. My Gateway is a dinosaur, and it’s showing. I already wanted to own a Mac and see what it’s like to be an Apple girl, but now that I have an iPhone, I can’t even consider any alternative. I am all about the Apple. This kind of makes me feel snobby, but also makes me feel like I’m part of a super cool club… which really just makes me a huge nerd.
  • Save for and move into an apartment by the summer. This goal looks familiar… Where have I seen it before…? This year, though, I am dead serious about accomplishing this. I love my parents, but I have got to get out from under the same roof as them.
  • Publish one short story a month. At the end of the year, I want to have twelve published short stories. If I’ve submitted a story to three markets and it still hasn’t found a place, I’m self-publishing.
  • Find an agent for Sade On the Wall by December 2012. I know, ambitious, right? I already have a plan in place for this, though. I promised you guys I’d get this published for you, and dammit, I’m going to.
  • Make $100/week from writing by June 2012. I’d like to completely replace my part-time retail job by the end of the year with freelance writing jobs and income from my fiction, and maybe just keep it for ten hours a week, but I think this is a start.

My main goal for 2012, however, is to stop running away when things get hard. I do this in all aspects of my life, and it needs to stop. Every time things get a little bit tight with money or my writing career starts looking impossible, I start thinking about going back to school. Every time Mike and I reach a checkmate, I start wondering whether we’re too different for each other and should part ways. I need to stop being afraid of succeeding and start working so that I can succeed; only I can sabotage myself.

It’s time to stop getting in my own way. I really am my worst enemy.

What are your goals for 2012?

My Strengths and Weaknesses as a Writer: December 2011 Edition

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I found this questionnaire for writers on Ph.D. in Creative Writing. The aim is to revisit it every time you feel you’ve grown as a writer so that you can measure your growth and figure out where you want to go next, or even just look back and see how far you’ve come. It’s not an easy questionnaire, but it definitely put some things in perspective for me and showed me where I need to work harder.

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Why do you want to become a writer?

I want to become a writer because stories are always flying into my head and slamming into me, demanding to be written. Writing has always been my best form of communication, and stories have always been my best friends.

What are the books that you return to over and over, and what is it that appeals to you about them?

I’m probably missing some, but I’ve read

  • Ella Enchanted, by Gail Carson Levine
  • Julie of the Wolves, by Jean Craighead George
  • The Dark Tower IV: Wizard and Glass, by Stephen King
  • Prozac Nation, by Elizabeth Wurtzel

again and again, and could read them yet again as soon as I finish them. Each of them have a strong, unique narrative voice. Each of them pulled me in from the very first sentence. All four of them stayed with me long after I read the last sentence, and I think about each of these books on an almost daily basis.

I think you can also add

  • A Clockwork Orange, by Anthony Burgess
  • A Disobedient Girl, by Ru Freeman

to that list, even though I’ve only read them once each so far. Those two novels taught me more about the importance of language than any college course ever could. I’m just grateful that I could perceive what I was learning while reading.

What do you want to write, and why do you want to write it?

I haven’t decided on a genre. I just love writing. I’m not sure yet if this makes me a bad writer or a good one. I do know that I want to write stories that move people the way the books in the list(s) above moved me. I want to write stories that keep people awake at night after reading a bit thinking about what they read. I want to write stories that are so good, I get hate mail for doing this or killing that character in the story. I want to write stories that are so good, they make me cry.

Who might be interested in reading your work?

This is a tough question to answer because I don’t write for one genre. I tend to write stories that don’t fit into one category neatly, so my ideal reader is okay with genres blurring into each other and things that are a little strange.

This question freaks me out a little, honestly, because I’d never really thought about it before. I will have to think about this more and come back to answer it again when I have a better answer.

What are your strengths as a writer?

It’s easier for me to find weaknesses, which is why I, quite honestly, did that section first.

I become a better writer with each story I write.

I write good dialogue.

Even when my stories are dark, they have a twist of humor weaved into them. Maybe this makes me perverse.

I can see what will need to be improved as I’m writing a piece, and edit without feeling too tied to it (most of the time, and this is honestly a relatively new development).

I’m honestly struggling to find anything else to compliment myself on, which is why “I need to have more faith in my writing” is under my weaknesses.

What are your weaknesses?

I need to get better at creating characters. I want to create quirkier, more three-dimensional characters with stronger voices. I wish I could create characters like Joss Whedon or Robert Kirkman. My characters always feel flatter to me when rereading after a period than they do at the time I’ve created them.

I also need to take more risks. I usually write in third person because it’s easier for me. I’d like to try my hand at writing in second person, and I’d love to get better at writing in first person.

I want to get better at creating conflict. I like stories that have multiple problems as well as the character’s main problem. Inner conflict always goes well with simultaneous outer conflict, and I always seem to forget about this.

I need to learn to trust my readers. They don’t really need my descriptions. Actions can describe my characters much, much better.

I also just need to have more faith in my writing.

How would you describe your writing style?

I think I’ve only just begun to really find my writing style, so this is another difficult question. My old English professor — who is a part of the writers’ group I attend — says my narration is very sarcastic. This is rarely the effect I’m going for, so I have to try very hard to tone it down, especially when writing in the third person. This must be why editing was invented.

I would like for my writing style to be its own, rather than heavily influenced by another author. For years, my writing style mirrored Stephen King’s. The sarcasm must be left over from those days. I very much like Joe Meno’s style. I also really like Alice Sebold’s style. I want my style to be hard hitting, like a slap in the face, but not sarcastic. I just want to use language to grab hold of the reader and not let go until they’ve finished the story or novel. I want my style to use language in an interesting, original way; I want to say everyday things in a way that makes the reader stop and think, “Wow, that’s creative.” I do not want to be even remotely cliche.

What do you think writing can do that no other art form can do?

Writing can create other art forms; countless songs, movies, graphic novels, paintings, and more have been inspired by written words. Writing allows people who wouldn’t ordinarily think anything of language see and think about language in a new way. Writing inspires sharing; books are passed from friend to friend to parent to sibling to child to friend. While music and other art forms are shared, I think writing is physically shared the most. It prompts group discussions and creates conversation. I have talked to people I wouldn’t normally talk to countless times because of a book I saw them reading. You can’t see music someone is listening to with headphones.

Writing also transcends time. Today’s one-hit wonder will not be remembered tomorrow, but Kate Chopin’s The Awakening will be read in English classes for years to come. e.e. cummings and Robert Frost will be studied in classrooms for years to come, as well. While Frieda Kahlo and Vincent Van Gogh will be studied, too, literary classrooms will send students home with texts that those students will share with their parents as they do their homework. Paintings on projectors can’t leave classrooms, and reprints can’t walk out of museums, but books can be borrowed from the library.

I love art and music, don’t get me wrong. I just love books more.

What do you think your writing can say or do? Define your vision.

I think my writing can help me discover parts of myself I never knew existed. I also think my writing can show people the good and bad in humanity.

Again, I need to have more faith in my writing; I’m having a really hard time answering this question.

How do you define growth as a writer? What is the next level you’d like to achieve?

I’ve actually written a whole post about how I define growth as a writer, where I am, and where I’d like to be. I think there are four stages:

  • Amateur Writer
  • Decent Writer
  • Good Writer
  • Great Writer

An Amateur Writer has natural talent, has paid attention in English class to grammar and spelling, but they have no technique. She might write stories here and there, and they might be fun, but there may be no conflict or tension, and characters may be flat. She may do these things well, but she always does it accidentally.

A Decent Writer still has natural talent, but she’s finally developing some technique. She has a slight idea of how to create conflict. She knows how to best begin a story. She knows how to create tension, and three-dimensional characters. She may or may not do any of these things well.

A Good Writer has natural talent, knows how to use grammar and spelling effectively, and also knows how to effectively use the things she’s learned about conflict, tension, characterization, and more. She does these things very well in her stories, but still has a lot of learning to do.

A Great Writer rarely relies only on her natural talent and uses all of the things she’s learned to craft excellent stories. She uses conflict and tension effectively, creates three-dimensional, realistic characters, and has developed a voice for herself as a narrator as well as for each of her characters.

Note that none of this has anything to do with editing or getting published. All of these stages are measured by first drafts.

I still think I am somewhere between a Decent Writer and a Good Writer. I feel like I’m really close to becoming a Good Writer, but there is something I’m missing. Maybe it’s that I just don’t write enough. I’m hoping I will find it by writing more, and soon. I’m so close, I can taste it. I just wish I knew what that something is.

♦

There’s a bonus question for the next time you do the questionnaire:

How have you grown and changed [as a writer] since the last time you answered these questions?

I hope that, when I do this again, I’ll have a long answer for this part.

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Did you do this questionnaire? Leave me a comment with the link so I can see your answers!

♦

[ED: Clarified a great writer's use of natural talent. 12/09/2011]

Why Leaving Scares the Face Off of Me

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This blog.

When I look at the sidebar full of the years I’ve been writing on my own domain, writing about my life, my thoughts, and my feelings, I feel a little sad knowing I’m giving that up. My new blog won’t have that long sidebar going from July 2008 to October 2011 and beyond. It’s only been three years since I started blogging on perpetualsmile.net, and a little over a year since I started blogging on elizawhat.com, but it’s familiar. Going into the unfamiliar is scary, no matter what the situation. Essentially I am letting go of the ability to publicly express every thought and emotion, and replacing it with expressing only in the form of creative writing. I’m a good writer, because I can express myself using words. It’s always been my best form of communication. However, I’d much rather write and publicly share my stories. I know that to do so, I need to cut down on my distractions. I need to let go of my digital security blanket and open myself up to disciplined, daily creative writing.

I also know that in my new career of choice, no parent is going to want to find posts about depression and hemorrhoids when they Google my name before their child starts preschool.

What I know and what I feel are two different things, though.

I’m excited about this new adventure. I really am. And I know it’s okay to be scared, but that doesn’t make it any easier to let go.

Like I said, I’m a digital hoarder.

Still, I’ve made progress. I deleted — really deleted — my Facebook, deleted my Tumblr, deleted my Formspring, and deleted a couple of my extra Twitter accounts.

I’ve set up my new site (which I’ll be showing you soon). I’ve edited the first story I ever published. It was first published in a teeny, tiny publication called Fresh Ink at my community college, and I’m sure no more than one hundred people read it (probably even less than that, unfortunately). I’d like to share it with more people, because I’m proud of it. That story won a contest for me, a $100 gift card to Barnes and Noble, and a priceless compliment from a published writer. I read it yesterday before editing it and still felt proud of it (even though it needed a little more work). The ending still brought tears to my eyes. My own character broke my heart. (This is probably because I am overly sensitive.)

After my final round of edits, I created a cover for it. While I’m done with web design, I still love making graphics. Creating a digital book cover was a learning experience that I really enjoyed, even though it was literally a pain in the neck. (Thank goodness for Tylenol. I’ve been waking up every day with an achy neck.) Today I woke up without a sore neck, but still feel proud of what I accomplished yesterday. I know now that I can do it.

See, when ebooks first started becoming popular, I thought they were just a fad. I also thought they were a way for every man, woman, cat, and dog to put their unedited work out there. I cannot tell you how many technical ebooks I’ve read that, although helpful, were clearly thrown together the night before the writer posted them. I stayed away from most fiction ebooks, too, because I was a little afraid of what I might find.

But epublishing continued to become more popular, and slowly but surely, most people started to see that they needed to be a little more polished about it. De, a writer I met through Twitter, began to delve into epublishing about a year ago. I read as many of her posts on indie publishing as I could, and thought, That’s really cool. I watched her epublish her short stories and then publish a Choose Your Own Adventure type of book through a traditional publisher, and thought, Wow, I wish I could do that. Slowly, I began to see that epublishing could be a way to get your name out there, rather than waiting for someone to accept your story. Paired with traditional submissions, epublishing is just another way of getting your stories read and making people familiar with your name. In the last few weeks, I’ve been reading her posts and thinking, I wonder if I could do that. Now I want to try.

They say that everything happens for a reason. Things didn’t go well for me as a freelance or commercial web designer and social marketing consultant, but I learned a lot about online marketing. I learned enough to be able to market myself, which I’m going to need; indie epublishers don’t have big companies behind them to design their websites, design their book covers, set up book tours, and set up book reviews. It’s every woman or man for themselves, which is both frightening and exhilarating to me.

I think the reason I’m having such a hard time with walking away from this blog is because that means I have to face this scary and exciting thing without being able to run back. It’s been easy for me to write stories and novels and keep them to myself while putting my thoughts out there. I don’t know why I feel so vulnerable about my work but not about my feelings, but here we are.

I’m scared, but that’s okay. I’m only scared because this matters to me. My dream has always been to be a published writer, and this epublishing journey is the first step toward fulfilling that dream.

I Need to Stop Digitally Hoarding if I'm Going to be a Writer

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I realized this last night as I flipped through the pages and pages of usernames and passwords for different online accounts that I have. I can guarantee that I don’t even use half of them, and another 40% of them I probably only use once in a great while, especially if I need to procrastinate something. Still, I can hardly bear to get rid of these accounts. A perfect example is the Facebook account I deactivated. I know how to fully delete it thanks to Matt, but can’t bring myself to do it. What if I do want to use it again? I ask myself. Then the facebook.com/elizawhat username might be taken and that’s my name. It’s MINE. I didn’t really even use the thing, and yet I can’t convince myself that it’s okay to delete it forever. The same goes for my old @elizawhat, @freakingbookwrm, and @lettersoflove Twitter accounts, and a bunch of other accounts. Those names are MINE, dammit. What if I want them later and someone has taken them?!

I’m a digital hoarder.

I’d really like to simplify my digital life. I’ve been wanting to for a while, but while I knew it was the right decision, I still had a really hard time letting go. I try hard to be honest here and to be honest with myself, so here’s the truth: I have many websites and different social accounts. I almost always create them on a whim, and then I feel guilty for ignoring them, so I feel obligated to keep them, but only end up using them occasionally. A perfect example is Letters of Love. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very, very proud of that site. The thing is, I created it during a time when I really needed it, and I don’t need it anymore. Because I don’t need it anymore, I don’t have the passion I once had to keep it going. At the same time, though, I can’t bear to let someone else take it over because it’s mine. It’s my baby. Call me possessive, I don’t care. I just can’t let go, and I can’t bear to leave it sitting there collecting digital dust.

I also started Freaking Bookworm, and then fell way off the book review bandwagon. The thing is, I feel too obligated; I feel like I have to review every single book and comic that I read, so then I feel overwhelmed and just don’t review or write anything there. Plus, once I found Goodreads I started to wonder what the hell was the point in doing both. I argue with myself in my head all the time: “Goodreads is just a social network. One day it could disappear. Freaking Bookworm is my site and won’t disappear unless I want it to.” “Yes, but why update both? It’s a pain in the ass to review the same book twice, and repetitive as hell. How can I possibly write two different reviews about the same book without repeating myself?!”

I have a different problem with this blog. I enjoy writing here. I don’t ever feel obligated. However, instead of writing stories like I should be doing, I end up writing posts here. Instead of doing the dishes or cleaning or something else productive, I write draft upon draft that I will probably never actually publish. I regularly have to clean out my drafts because they’re either no longer relevant, half finished, or just too much information to post publicly. I know that I need to let go of this blog and focus more on my fiction writing, but dammit, it’s hard. It’s hard because it’s a security blanket, but it’s also hard because I know there are a lot of you who like this little space and I hate to let you down.

Still, I need to simplify. I don’t want my digital life to resemble the homes we see on Hoarders. I’m sick of leaving half finished projects behind me. I’m disgusted with myself for wasting so much time online when I should really be honing my writing skills; I say all the time that I want to be a writer, but instead of using that time to actually write and improve, I sit online. (I should say, though, that this morning I wrote a story before doing anything else, other than checking my bank account’s balance and a few other quick, important things. I’m damn proud of myself.)

I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet. I mean, I have a pretty good idea, but I’m still thinking about it. Mostly, I’m thinking about the execution. Basically, I want to embark on an adventure next year. (Because holy shit, in a couple of months it will be next year.) I’ve seen another writer, Deanna Knippling, do it and she’s learning a lot and getting a lot out of it. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, pretty much since she first started posting about her experiences with independent epublishing. My first thought was, Damn this is cool. I wish I could do it. A few weeks ago I thought, Maybe I could actually do it. Since last night I’ve been thinking, I want to try it.

Since my writers’ group started in September, I’ve been trying — well, okay, I haven’t been trying too hard because I’ve been blogging here instead — to write one short story a week, that way I’d have something new every week for my writers’ group. So far, I’ve written two, and that’s counting today’s story. I’ve had a lot of writers’ block, but it’s getting better finally. I’m also gearing up to do NaNoWriMo this year in November. Coincidentally, elizawhat.com is up for renewal in November. Now, granted, I’m pretty good about sticking to the writing during NaNoWriMo. The rest of the year, you can forget it. I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to be disciplined, dammit. I’ll be completely honest with you: I’m thinking about not renewing this blog. I’m also thinking about cutting down on all of my online accounts, quite severely. At the top of the list are Tumblr and Formspring. I’m keeping my @elizabethbarone Twitter, but the other ones are probably going, too. I’m also going to make myself permanently delete my Facebook.

I need to do this. It’s hard to think about it, and it’s going to be hard to do it, but I need to. I’ve known this for a long time.

I just hope you won’t be too mad at me, or too disappointed. I’d really like to give you a new short story every month. I have a ton that need to be edited so that they won’t suck when you read them, but I’d also like to write a new one every week, for real.

Now, I’m still thinking about all of this, but I’ve slept on it and still feel the same. Usually, when I need to make a decision, I sleep on it because I rarely feel the same the next day. As hard a time I have making decisions, I also tend to go completely the other way at times and make rash decisions. Today I still feel like this needs to be done.

However, if I do delete this blog, there will be a new one. You’ll just have to wait and see it. It’s going to be awesome. And there will definitely still be Liz’s Anatomy. The rest I’m not so sure about.

Things I wanted to do this year… and things I’m going to do now

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May and June 2011 Goals

May and June 2011 Goals

I just found this in my drafts. I reread it, then published it for the date it should have been published. It was finished, but I’d never published it. Reading it again was weird. I know now that I didn’t publish it at the time because I didn’t really want to go back to school. Five months later, and I’m still not sure whether I want to go back to school. I’m not sure of much of anything.

I do know that, although I’m not where I thought I’d be, I did the best I could.

2011 Goals:

  • Pay off the remainder of my student loans by the summer. I’ve knocked it down from $3,807.75 (07/25/2010) to $3,382.74 (05/16/2011). That’s about $500. Since the interest kind of makes this an uphill battle, I think $500 is pretty good. I want to do better, though. I’m tired of this debt hanging over my head. I don’t think I’ll have it paid off within the next couple of months, though.
  • Re-matriculate as a junior at Southern Connect State University, apply to the Elementary Education program, and get in. Um… No thanks. I want to know that I want to go back to school, before I go back. (Translation: Before I make the commitment and rack up another expensive debt.)
  • Move into an apartment with Mike by the summer. This could still happen. I have a good chunk of money in my savings account. He has more dental work to get done, though, which is going to end up being a debt he’s going to have to pay off. (And I think it’s going to be about the same amount as my student loan!) We might be looking at the fall now… or another six months. It wouldn’t be so bad, but there are five of us crowded into this one bedroom apartment (Mom, Dad, Lauren, Mike, and me [and Squirt and Apollo]). I don’t know why it seemed like less people when it was Noni, Popi, Lauren, and me here.
  • Edit Sade On the Wall and produce a second draft. I’ve done a read through of the first draft… That counts, kind of, right? I know what I need to do to whip a second draft up. I just can’t seem to get myself to do it. That changes, starting today…

In January, I decided that my next steps were:

  1. Find and implement a better source of income, and
  2. Read through Sade On the Wall once and make a complete list of things that need to be fixed.

I actually ended up doing both. I found a $28,000 salary job, and I read through “Sade,” made some corrections, and made notes and lists of improvements for the second draft.

I’m proud of what I accomplished.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I’ve decided on what my goals for right now are — what my “what’s next” is.

May and June 2011 Goals:

  • Find a part-time job. I’ve decided that, if I’m really careful and budget well, I can make a part-time income work for me.
  • Write the second draft of Sade On the Wall. The other part of my time will be spent making those changes I found when I read through the manuscript.
  • Make $65 on FreakingBookworm.com. The third part of my time will be spent growing Freaking Bookworm and making $65 by October, to pay for my New York Comic Con ticket.
  • Submit “Outlaw Love Story” to another magazine. I’ve only submitted this story to one magazine, and it got rejected. I’m still excited that it got rejected, but now it’s time to get over the simultaneous disappointment, tweak it a little, and submit it somewhere else.

I’d also like to enter some kind of writing contest, but I’m not going to add that to the list of goals. Four is enough for now.

By accomplishing these goals, I’ll be officially done being a web designer. I’ll be a part-time writer, on my way to being a full-time writer. And, with the flexibility of a part-time retail job, I’ll be able to attend my doctors’ appointments without hassle and hopefully finally get a diagnosis.

I can do this.