Tag Archives: happiness

Success

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I’ve been hanging out at Miss Britt‘s digital place a lot lately, and even if I don’t comment, her words always get me thinking. Today she wrote about going through her shoes, and how her vision of success has changed. It got me thinking: What is success, to me?

Dictionary.com lists the word “success” as

  1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors
  2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like
  3. a successful performance or achievement
  4. a person or thing that is successful

When something goes well, I feel successful (1 and 3). When I am stable monetarily and have things I need and want, I feel successful (2). When I am doing well at something, I feel successful (4). For example, when I was self-employed and managed to make $400-600 last a month, I felt successful. I also felt successful when I could say to other people, “Oh, what do I do? I’m a self-employed web designer.” I did not, however, feel like a success when that $400-600 ran out and I had to bum cigarettes off Mike and hope the next check would come in before my next bill was due. I did not feel like a success when I lost my job; even though I was already broke, I still felt like a failure. Aside from what happened with my aunt, it still sucks to go from having a job — even if that job wasn’t too steady monetarily — to not having one. It sucks to not be able to buy the things I need and want. It sucks even more to have to cancel things I pay monthly, like my gym membership and web hosting¹. Suddenly not having a job makes me feel like I failed at being an adult, even though plenty of adults lose their jobs.

If I look at the big picture, though, I am still pretty successful, in many different ways.

  • I created and grew several communities online. Letters of Love, Freaking Bookworm, and my own personal blog are all their own little communities. I’ve even discovered that they can each survive without having their own website — something I honestly kind of feared. I can also do this on a business level. I am definitely a valuable tool in any company’s online marketing plan.
  • I found a partner who is my best friend, and supports me when I’m down. Even though many of my family members don’t try to hide the fact that they don’t like him and think that I will “grow out of him,” Mike and I are still together, over four years since the day we met. We take care of each other. These family members all think that a successful relationship relies on the man providing for everything, but I don’t see it that way. A relationship is a team effort. We lean on each other.
  • I can begin a story and write it to the finish line. The fact that I am now in the editing process for Sade On the Wall floors me. I am so proud of this novel and the work that I’ve put into it. I’m also proud of everything else I’ve ever finished writing.
  • I took this bad experience and turned it into something positive. Yes, I’m still hurt and angry, but now I have a world full of possibilities at my fingertips. I can go from here and do anything. And I am.

I want to find success in happiness; I don’t want my happiness to rely on success. I thought that by going to school and getting my A.S. in Multimedia/Web Authoring would make me successful, but I was never happy. Each success in my career made me happy, but not wholly. I always wanted something more. Now, I can go out there and get that something more. I might find that the education field really isn’t my thing, but at least I’ll have tried. Hell, I might even find that being a professional writer isn’t my thing, but again: at least I’ll have tried.

From now on, every goal and action will lead me to happiness, and that will be my success.

¹Speaking of hosting, for some reason my websites are all still live, even though my hosting was officially canceled yesterday. I haven’t been charged, either, so I’m wondering if their servers are caching or if they delete things at a certain time, like weekly or something.

The Sunfire

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This? Is my new car. The side that’s showing? Is the side that is not dented. :D No worries; I wasn’t the one who drove while the denting occurred. It was a package deal. But for $400? You can’t beat it.

P-freaking-ESS: It can also go on the highway. Without me worrying that it’s going to fall apart.

P-double-freaking-ESS: I started writing about my chronic pain, from the beginning to what’s going on now, over at Scars Can Speak. Please read it and comment there if you’re interested. I hope it can help someone, or maybe help me find people going through similar things.

Finally, things are going my way

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You know those days were it seems like everything bad possible can happen and it keeps on happening? Today was like that, but the polar opposite: I got smacked in the face with a bunch of good shit.

As soon as I got out of work I stopped at my house to grab that Academic Advising Form. I went to the ATM and took out $400 — not for a bribe; I didn’t up needing that kind of leverage — and stopped at Barnes and Noble for a gift card. Then I went to NVCC and found the Dean’s office. Her secretary said she was at lunch and would be back any minute, and coincidentally the secretary had just been on the phone with the Counseling Center discussing me and the Academic Advising Forms.

The Dean came back and we sat down with all of the copies. She looked at my form and confirmed that my advisor had told me to take the wrong course. Then, she said she would email the Registrar and have them waive that class. I’m graduating.

After that, I drove through a ton of traffic to get home and Dad called me. He told me to meet Vinny, the guy selling the Pontiac Sunfire, so he could sign the title over to me and I could pay him. He handed me the title, I handed him the $400, and not even the crazy traffic could kill my buzz. I have a better car.

On top of all that, tonight is the last night that Mike will be doing 3rd shift. He’ll be doing early mornings until the new year, and then he’s going to look for a better job. I get my Michael back.

Everything is falling into place, instead of falling apart.

Now it’s time to get ready for the holidays…

Ten things I love about Mike

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I initially had this post password-protected, ’cause it was sort of a present and I wanted Mike to be able to read it first. And read it he did. Apparently the word “boner” makes him laugh (see comments below). :)

Mike,

I know that by posting this — and letting you read it — you are totally gonna make fun of me, ’cause that’s how we roll. Still, I have yet to actually make a “this is why I love Mike” post; I usually just mention you or write about something funny you’ve said and call it a day. There have been several times where you asked me why I love you, and even though there are more than ten reasons here are some of the biggest: Continue reading →

These three words are not enough

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I love how I turned the laptop on with all intentions to write… and I’m blogging. :D

So, the big thing that Mike had to talk to me about — you know, the thing I was getting all anxious about? Heh. He wanted to see if he could pay me back half of what he owes me from last week. I had to giggle at him, because he was being so serious about it. I also had to laugh at myself, for being such a dork and thinking it was something scary.

Speaking of Mike, things are going so well with him. I feel like a princess in a fairytale. When I first met him and we first started hanging out — or dating, whatever you want to call it — I never pictured we would be here, talking about apartments and our future. I never thought I could have something like this. I’ve been giddy for the last few days. I’m so, so happy.

I’m also going crazy trying to figure out what my surprise xmas present is. He gave me only a few clues: his sister is going to help him out with it and he had to ask my mom a couple of questions. Hmn. It all seems so obvious, so that’s probably not what it is. Still, my parents do like him; I asked them what they would think if we ever got married (we’ve been discussing the possibility of it, and he wanted to know what I would say if he asked). I guess I’ll have to wait and see. I do know what I’m going to get him, though. I’m really excited about it, but it still doesn’t seem like enough. I have such a hard time shopping for people, because nothing ever seems good enough to say how much I care about them. There is no gift on this planet that could tell my parents how grateful I am to have them, nor is there any gift perfect enough for the love of my life.

Sigh. This is why I hate xmas shopping.