Tag Archives: humor

Surviving the Holidays 101

Like zombies, they’re coming: the holidays, a scheduled marathon where you spend as much time with your family as possible. It’s not all bad (maybe you’ve got siblings you haven’t seen in a while, or your favorite uncle is coming into town), but then there’s that one judge-y family member (or possibly a quartet of them, instruments posed). They ask questions like “When are you going back to school?” and “Have you broken up with that weird artist yet?”

Yeah. Those judge-y people.

They mean well (probably), but they also know exactly how to get under your skin. Fortunately, there are a few tools you can bring with you to ensure ultimate survival.

  • A bottle of the spirits of your choice. There is a reason people drink during the holidays. Bring a bottle, and perhaps the naysayers will drink with you and smile a little.
  • Earplugs. If they just won’t stop, pop these babies in and you won’t have to hear another word.
  • A decoy. You know how every once in a while your friends will say they saw your twin? Hire that person and have them sit in your place at the table. A good rate is $15 an hour, plus a bonus of $50 for any bruised egos.
  • The latest Super Soaker. Every time someone starts to ask you when you’re moving out of “that dump,” pull the trigger. Like a cat, they’ll learn… eventually.
  • An escape plan. The holidays are always busy. If you’re going somewhere you don’t really want to be, schedule another stop immediately after. That way, when things get hairy, you can say “Sorry, we’ve got to go to Great Uncle Bob’s now!” and run off on your merry way.

What’s in your holiday arsenal? Leave a comment with your favorites!


"The Santa Pact," by Elizabeth BaronePS: Speaking of the holidays, my new short story “The Santa Pact” is now available!

Quinn is not so much dreading the holidays, but she’d definitely rather sleep through them. There’s one guarantee: nothing big will happen this year! But when she finds out that her newly inherited little sister Tara still believes in Santa, Quinn must find a way to make her dreams come true. There’s just one problem: she’s completely broke.

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