Tag Archives: kaylene

Shit that pisses me off: Weird dreams and chronic pain edition

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I’ve always wanted to make a list of the shit that’s currently pissing me off, but never did because it somehow feels douche-y. Still, sometimes you just need to rant, so here we are.

I don’t understand why the new year starts in January. It’s confusing. It should start in March. Hear me out. We get winter starting at the end of the year, and it overlaps into the beginning of the year. So, if we want to refer to the winter of a particular year, how do we do that? If I say “Winter 2011,” am I talking about the winter in the beginning of the year, or the winter at the end of the year?

Our cats have been living together for over a year now and the fat one is still traumatizing my little one. After I spent the whole morning yesterday cleaning up puke, piss, and shit because Apollo wouldn’t let Squirt leave the corner to use the litter box, I felt like wringing his little neck. I told my mom when she got home from work. We said how we wished that the dining room door closed, and a little while later she rigged the dining room door with a bungee cord so that he can’t get in. She’s a smart cookie.

Since Mom rigged the door and we’ve been keeping the cats separated, I’ve seen a complete change in Squirt. She’s much more relaxed. She even purred at a normal volume last night when I was petting her. I also saw her use the litter box for the first time in a year without a hassle.

Apparently, pulling the bungee cord around the doorknob is too hard for my dad and sister, because they keep complaining about it. My dad also keeps complaining that this isn’t going to help them get along. They are never going to get along. It’s been over a year. If they were going to get along, they would have already started to. They are both the type of cat that has to be a single pet. Again, let me remind you that I cleaned up puke, piss, and shit all morning, and that every night they fight right over my head because her food is right near the head of my bed, and he doesn’t let her eat. If keeping the peace in the house means that we have to loop a bungee cord around the doorknob every time we go in and out, who cares? But I have a feeling that when I leave for Kaylene’s birthday party and then come home, the dining room door is going to be open and it’s going to be the same shit all over again because no one cares.

I don’t understand why we can’t all just be consistent. Aside from this, I’m the only one who ever punishes him for going after her. Mom puts him in the bathroom sometimes, but I’m the only one who sprays him with the water bottle and tries to teach him to listen to the word “NO.” It’s so frustrating.

I’m sick of being broke. I want to not worry about gas and lunch. I want to go out with friends I haven’t seen in a long time. I want friends who stopped inviting me out because I’m always broke to invite me out again. I want to pay off my bills and the debt that’s been stacking up. I want to start saving money for a place with Mike. I want to fix my car up so that it’s in top condition. I want to buy birthday presents for the birthdays I’ve missed so far: Kaylene’s, Lauren’s, and Mike’s mom’s. I cannot wait until March 4th, when I get my first full check.

I wish some of my so-called friends would get serious about our friendship. We make plans, they break them. I try to get in touch, they don’t call me back. I need someone to talk to, they just talk about themselves. Something important happens to them, they don’t tell me. (But when something bad happens to them, oh, you can bet they’re calling or texting or BBMing or emailing me to cry or vent about it!) I can honestly only think of one friend right now who has always been serious about our friendship. That friend? Is a guy. Maybe I am approaching this whole friendship thing wrong, and need to only be friends with guys.

I dreamed about SEO last night, and kept waking up over and over thinking, “I’ve got to remember that!”, only to forget two seconds later. The night before, I dreamed about spiders crawling on me. Before these last two nights, I had a couple of good nights of sleep, but before that I wasn’t really sleeping at all. Sleep hates me. I think my body hates me. I don’t know why I dreamed about SEO last night. It’s not like I had to work today! Maybe I’m stressing out a little about work. I do feel some pressure, but I didn’t think it was bothering me that much. Ugh.

My neck and shoulders have been stiff and sore for a week now, and my lower back has been aching for three or four days. All of my joints have been joining this aching chorus, too. I guess it’s stress, but it’s driving me crazy. There’s only so much Extra Strength Tylenol I can take before I have to give it a rest. Plus, really, no one likes being in pain all the time.

I guess that’s it for now. I need to go get ready for my goddaughter’s birthday party. She turned six on the ninth. Time really flies!

What’s really pissing you off right now?

For Kaylene: More about my symptoms

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Kaylene asked me on my Formspring to tell her a little more about my symptoms, so I decided to do a video.

Sorry about the cut-off! My memory card was full. What I was going to say was that I hope you are well, and to email me at elizawhat@gmail.com to talk more.

No sleep 'til Christmas

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It really sucks that Mike works third shift at the most popular store during the holidays. Every year, as we get closer to Christmas, I see him less and less. This year, it’s a little different since we live together, but it still sucks; from here on out, he has no days off until Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. At least he doesn’t have to work Christmas Eve, like he did last year. The year before that, when he gave me my promise ring, I barely saw him until Christmas, either.

Whine.

I know, I know. It won’t kill me; I live with him! But it might kill him. He’s already working longer shifts because of the truck deliveries. Last night, he went in for eight instead of ten. I don’t know what time he got home this morning, but he’s supposed to be out at six. How often that happens — he usually comes home later — depends on how much stuff they have to do. I just hope he doesn’t end up overexhausted.

Tonight we’re going to a wake for Robbie’s — Mike’s brother, my future brother-in-law — grandma. The funeral is tomorrow morning, so Mike is just going to come home from work and then we’ll go. He’s such a good brother.

I’m still not ready for Christmas. Tomorrow I’m making cookies with Noni, Mom, and Lauren, then going out shopping with Sandy. I doubt I’ll be doing any shopping. It’s all going to depend on Mike’s paycheck (since he offered to let me borrow money for gifts), or if I get paid by some miracle this weekend. Christmas is a week away.

It sucks that I might not be able to get anyone gifts until after Christmas — or that I might have to do my shopping completely last minute, gah — but I’m trying not to stress too much about it. I did get gifts for all the kids on my list: Kaylene, Konner, Katarina, Tony, and Ciana. They’re all small gifts, but good ones.

Oh, if only the holidays weren’t so damn stressful. I might actually get a good night of sleep! I remember being a kid and being excited. Now I just can’t wait to get it over with! I’m kidding. The time with my family — and that includes Mike’s side of the family — will be nice. We’re going to have dinner on Christmas Eve with my dad’s side of the family. Then, on Christmas Day, we’re having dinner with his mom’s side of the family, and then dessert at my aunt’s with my mom’s side of the family. I feel accomplished for having figured out how to split up fair time with all of our family.

I’m also taking tons of pictures this year, of everyone. This will be Mike’s and my fifth Christmas. It’s kind of romantic, when I think about it.

Just another Thanksgiving list

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As much as I’ve been whining lately, I have a lot to be thankful for.

I have two sweet cats (even though they aren’t so sweet to each other). I have a printer that does print (even though it is mentally challenged), and a laptop, both of which I use to write stories. Which reminds me — I am thankful that I have the ability to put my thoughts and feelings and imagination into words.

I have an awesome sister who is my best friend, and an awesome best friend who is like a sister. I have a beautiful family: my mom, dad, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I have a boyfriend who fits me completely.

I also have a mouth, which can taste and chew and eat (pleasepleaseplease let 2:00 tomorrow come quickly)! I have a body that may be diseased, but does allow me — roadblocks and all — to do what I love , and I am so thankful for that.

I have a great group of friends, both online and offline. I have a job that, although it can be stressful, I love, and allows me to work from home, during my own hours. I am so thankful that I don’t have to get up early in the morning, that I can work in my pajamas or sweats, and take as many breaks as I want, so that I can rest when I need to.

I have a beautiful niece and beautiful godchildren.

I have so much good in my life that, when I lump it all together, it far outweighs the bad.

And that is what I’m most thankful for.

What are you thankful for?

Why my life is better than BlogHer… except not

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The people have asked for a blog update, so who am I to deny her them?

I have officially survived my first two weeks of being full-time self-employed. The reason I have completely forgotten about abstained from updating my blog is that I’ve been leaving my laptop at my aunt’s, and during the day I don’t have enough time to write anything. I actually like this. The days go by fast, and I always feel good and productive when I leave.

There’s also a lot of drama going on, none of which I can write about, because as much as it pisses me off, it’s not my drama to tell. I would move the world for Mike, but when I can’t, it makes me crazy.

Thursday night I went to see Ramona and Beezus with my mom and sister. It was really, really, really cute. When I was in elementary school, I read most of the Beverly Cleary books about Ramona. She is one of my all-time favorite children’s book characters. I can’t wait until I have a little girl — or until my goddaughter Kaylene is old enough — so that I can read her the Ramona books. It was a nice night out with Mom and Lauren, and one of very few left, since Lauren is going away to school… on my birthday. I’m honestly really sad about my little sister leaving the nest, even if it’s not really permanent. I’ve spent the last eighteen years seeing her almost every day. She’s my best friend*.

But you can’t change anything**. You can only adapt.

It’s weird when life is half good and half crazy-in-a-bad-way. You spend all of your time alternating between grinning like the Joker and feeling ready to hire a hit man on someone, so you end up looking completely insane.

I did, however, manage to get away from it all for a few hours last night. I went to my watering hole with my cousin Kate, and we drank vodka collinses and sang karaoke until last call. Our karaoke guy called me “badass” after my last song, and this guy kept hitting on me, even though I kept reminding him that he’d met my boyfriend, and all of my friends at the bar kept talking about my boyfriend in front of him. Like Kate said, some guys never give up, even when it’s hopeless. It wouldn’t have been so annoying if the guy hadn’t inserted himself into every conversation and smoke break (even though he doesn’t smoke). Poor Mike’s little hottie is in high demand; a couple of weeks ago, a guy asked me out for coffee as I was leaving Barnes and Noble. It always amuses me when guys hit on me. I like the way I look, but I’m so used to ignoring the male species with my gaga eyes on Mike, that when I get hit on, I am always surprised.

Anyway, to make this post even longer and more ADHD, I’m going to be participating in #superbyseptember, a weight loss challenge started by Karen and brought to my attention by my friend Brooke. I just have to find a scale in my house and weigh myself, something I’m not exactly excited about doing. At this point, the cheeseburger baby now looks like I am carrying a real human baby and am somewhere in my second trimester. Since I have my mom’s side of the family’s curse — wherein all extra weight goes to our stomachs and asses — the extra twenty or so pounds I’ve gained from Seroquel and have continued to gain after quitting it from a massive intake of fast food and little to no exercise has indeed made me look like I’m now picking out clothes for a baby whom I now know the sex of. My mom is the only person who insists that I don’t look pregnant. Thank you for your dishonesty, Mom, but the mirror tells the truth, and so does everyone else who comes into contact with me and my baby bump.

Basically, I just have to weigh myself sometime this weekend — and fuck am I afraid to see; last time I weighed myself, I was 17lbs over my normal weight, which I’m sure has increased — and start getting fit. I’ve been saving money for a bike for some time now, so I think I’ll be buying it and a bike rack maybe this week. I’ll also need a scale in my house, since we don’t have one (though Noni has one downstairs). I want to stop ignoring the fact that I’ve gained so much weight and put it right in front of my face, where I can’t ignore it. A quick BMI check says that I’m just on the verge of being overweight — and that’s only using the weight I was last weighed at. I used to wonder how anyone overweight could let it happen, and now I see that it just happens. There are so many factors, that you can’t just pinpoint one thing. Seroquel is the biggest factor, but so is the fact that I stopped walking around so much and spend most of my time in front of the computer these days***.

So I am determined to lose some kind of weight this month using this challenge. Since I have a track record of losing weight unnecessarily, I’m not even sure what a healthy goal is for the month. I’m just going to stop eating fast food so much, ride my bike around some trails a few times a week, and go for a twenty minute walk every day, even if I just walk around the mall.

I know I’ve attempted to give up fast food before, and I failed horribly at it, but I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to give it up completely, though, because that’s apparently how I cave. I’m going to try to eat it only once a week, and try to make healthier choices (like Taco Bell instead of Burger King****).

I’m feeling kind of dubious about this, but I want to at least try it. If I fail, at least I tried, right?

PS: I severely need to go get my eye prescription updated. Someone please remind me to call the Walmart eye center place thingy on Monday so that I can start seeing the computer screen — and everything on the road — again.

*Yeah, Mike and Sandy and my cat count, but Lauren and I have tons of history and inside jokes that can’t be beat by some hot guy, funny girl, and pretty cat.

**Unless we’re talking underwear.

***Still, I mostly blame Seroquel, because I was pretty lazy before I started taking it and would probably still weigh around 118lbs if I hadn’t started.

****Is Taco Bell healthier? It seems healthier. I must research this.