Getting Out for My Own Sanity

I had such a great weekend. I’m still really low on spoons, but it was worth it.

I kicked it off on Thursday with Chapel and Good Charlotte at Toad’s Place with my sister Lauren. Chapel was new to me, but I fell a little bit in love—especially with their drummer, Kortney. She was excellent, and she also looked like she was having the time of her life, dancing and smiling the entire time she played. There may be a future character inspired by her.

Good Charlotte played well, but after middle act 3OH!3, the atmosphere changed. The crowd got pretty aggressive. We were getting shoved and hit. Let me tell you, when you’re already really sore, the last thing in the world you want is to get beat on at what should have been a tame show. Good Charlotte actually stopped playing to tell people to knock it off—that’s how bad it was.

We ended up leaving early because it was nearly midnight and Good Charlotte was still playing. As much as we would’ve liked to stay, we both agreed that we were tired… and sick of getting knocked around by other women and giant douchebags alike.

That was my first and last experience with EDM. I’ve debated whether I even wanted to write about this. But I’ve been to dozens of concerts—even stood in mosh pits—and I’ve never had such a horrible experience. It’s hard to explain, but in pits, everyone is there to bump into each other. Sometimes people get hurt, but it’s all in good fun. And everyone in the pit is there for the same thing. This was general admission—no mosh pit—and the house was packed. It was about a thousand degrees and you couldn’t breathe without brushing the person next to you. People really wanted to hurt each other; at one point, someone ripped a crowdsurfing guy down and people started beating on him.

I really think the shitty EDM group set a bad tone. Not only were their lyrics misogynistic and excessively raunchy, but the “music” itself made you feel bad. My heart was vibrating in my chest, the little hairs on my arms were shaking, and I actually felt nauseous. Throw in the lights and bass pounding on you, and… ugh. I will never understand EDM. Ever.

I mean, I don’t wanna sound surly, but the whole experience was bizarre. Even though I was enjoying the Good Charlotte nostalgia, I was really glad when Lauren asked if I was ready to head out. They’re her all-time favorite band, so I didn’t want to tap out on her, but I was more than ready.

Saturday night was much more tame, thankfully. It was time for Part II of our great summer concert weekend: Haerts and Michelle Branch. See, Lauren basically spent all summer prepping for the Bar and then taking the 12-hour exam itself, so when she saw these shows coming up, she decided to treat us. She more than earned it; everything I’ve heard about the Bar sounds brutal.

I brought my cane with me, and there was plenty of seating in the back, but we ended up right up near the stage. Carpe diem, right? No one beat on us this time, so that was cool. There were a lot of drunk girls, though, haha, and I think we both got spilled on a little—but I’ll take that over someone trying to knock me over.

Haerts was another new-to-me band, and again I fell in love. They’re ordinarily a duo, but they had a full band with them, and they sounded amazing. I thought Nini reminded me a bit of Stevie Nicks. She had some pipes on her!

Then it was time for Michelle Branch and let me just say, my inner 12-year-old self was completely validated. I was a little bit in awe, especially since she had a range of guitars, swapping them out for certain songs. She was the reason I started writing (terrible) songs in eighth grade. I used to carry around a notebook and dream of the day when I’d finally learn to play guitar and put my words to music.

Well, turns out I’m instrumentally challenged, but I haven’t stopped writing.

It also turns out that cane dancing is possible. Having a cane comes in handy when you need to get off your hip for a moment but don’t want to stop dancing. I definitely had a better time at the College Street Music Hall shows than I did at Toad’s on Thursday. I was also less sore after.

On Sunday, we got up early and drove to the lake to spend the day with Noni and Aunt Wendy. Unfortunately my mom had to sit this one out because of her neck. Even though we missed her, we had a great day.

I spent yesterday recovering and doing a bit of editing. My brain was mostly mush, though, and I was in bed by 7 p.m. (but didn’t fall asleep until around 2 a.m., sigh). Though I’m still pretty tired today, I’m still riding a Haerts and Michelle Branch buzz.

Music is a kind of magic to me. I’m really glad my sister got me out and about this weekend. It’s too easy to let the pain win, to get dragged into a life of hibernation, a routine of rest. While I try to listen to my body and take it easy as much as possible, sometimes—for my own sanity—I have to push it.

Sometimes the pain is worth it.

Behind the Scenes of ANY OTHER LOVE: The Distancer and the Pursuer

via Unsplash

These two have been giving me a run for my money. When I first started all my pre-writing for Any Other Love—character profiles, plot structure, etc—I thought I had the whole who’s chasing who part down. It seemed pretty cut and dry: my shy little Amarie would be the distancer, and my animated Char would totally be the pursuer. Apparently these two had other plans, because Am was the one to make the first move and now Char is the one who’s hesitating.

Which is why Rihanna’s “Love on the Brain” is so perfect for these two.

And I run for miles just to get a taste
Must be love on the brain

According to some psychologists, in every relationship there is a distancer and a pursuer. You can even flip roles from time to time, depending on the circumstances. I’m trying to find a balance between the two, because I don’t want Char and Am flip-flopping throughout the book, driving you crazy. I think I’ve found a rhythm, though, with Am the full-time pursuer and Char very uncertain but also very into her.

On Friday I crossed 20K for this book, which is a huge deal! My wrists haven’t exactly been cooperating—I’m seeing a neurologist soon to be evaluated for carpal tunnel—and I’ve also had a lot on my plate lately. But I managed to check off all of my To Do list for this month, so all of this week will be dedicated to writing.

That first 20K was fueled by A.G. Ferrari coffee, Stash Breakfast in Paris tea, and Celestial Seasonings Bengal Spice chai. I typically have one cup of coffee in the morning, then Breakfast in Paris after lunch and my chai in the evening. So far I’ve been mostly listening to SZA, The Pretty Reckless, and Phildel while writing.

Originally I’d hoped to finish the first draft by the end of this month, but I’m only about a third of the way done. It is what it is; all that matters is I’m putting the words down, one day at a time.


Are you on my email list? Join now—I’ll be sending out an exclusive excerpt from Any Other Love in another week or so! Click here.

Playlist for Any Other Love

One thing I have to have while writing is music to match the tone of the scene I’m working on. Sometimes I’ll throw on an instrumental focus playlist on Spotify, but more often than not I’ll listen to a few specific albums over and over while writing the first draft. For example, while I wrote Just One More Minute, I basically listened to LIGHTS’s Midnight Machines on repeat.

Any Other Love is shaping up to be a The Spirit Room (Michelle Branch) book, with my usual Banks in between. (I’m obsessed with her latest album, The Altar, right now.) I have a feeling there will be a lot of Eisley, too.

Here’s the Spotify playlist I’m building of songs—so far—that remind me of Amarie and Char, and are inspiring certain scenes I’ll be writing.

What are some of your favorite “I don’t wanna fall in love” songs? Let me know and I’ll consider them for the playlist!