I had my first class at the “big girl school” last night. I decided to leave early so I’d have plenty of time to get gas, get there, park, get my parking pass, buy the other book I needed, get some dinner, and then find my class. I felt a little nervous but mostly exhilarated at going somewhere new and meeting new people. A new semester always gets me going, but a new semester at a new school for a new degree? I was really pumped.

I made it to campus without any real problems, aside from The Deathtrap — aka Lisa Mazda — refusing to go faster than 40 mph. (I got passed an awful lot and people kept riding my ass. I wanted to slam on the brakes a few times, but I was afraid the car wouldn’t get going again.) When I got to the first parking lot, I stopped and asked the parking lot monitor or security guard or whatever where I could park so I could walk to the campus police building and get a parking pass. He spit out directions at me a couple of times, even though I had no idea where I was going and I thought I could just park in the lot right there.

I tried to follow this guy’s directions, but I’m not familiar with the area at all. It was the first time I’d driven up there alone and the third time I’d been on campus, period. I’ve driven to the city once before for a concert but that was relatively easy to find. Needless to say, I ended up at some random magnet school, surrounded by one-way streets and evil, unfriendly New Havenians. I pulled into the school’s parking lot and tried not to cry, then called Nikki. She told me to try and come back the way I came and to meet her in the parking lot. Naturally, all of the streets shifted and I ended up on a one-way street to hell.

I called her as I was driving and told her I was lost, again. With my eyes bugging out of my head, I looked around for some sort of landmark so she could come get me. Finally, I found a Shell station next to a Popeyes. She told me she and her dad were on their way, and then I was alone.

I knew that inside of that Shell station would be a guy standing at the counter looking bored, but behind him would be a wall full of cigarettes. All I wanted was one of those cigarettes, but I didn’t dare leave my car. I didn’t want the mean New Havenians to see me cry. So I called my mom and cried to her.

“I’m lost,” I wailed.

“You have to calm down,” she said.

Five minutes later, I turned to my right and a street sign magically appeared. “Oh, fuck. I’m on Whalley Ave*. All I have to do is take a right out of here. Fuck.”

“See? You usually just have to calm down and then you can figure out where you are,” my mom said.

I thought about how much money I had on me. I could just buy a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and everything would be all better. Fuck this quitting smoking bullshit.

Nervously, my head swiveled around and around looking for Nikki. When you’re lost, ten minutes feels like a damn hour. Finally, when I thought I would either go insane or have to break down and buy a pack of smokes, I saw Nikki — my hero — walking to The Deathtrap. I let my mom go and opened the door so Nikki could hear me (the window doesn’t like going up once it’s down).

“I hate New Haven. It sucks. And yes, I’m aware that I sound like a two-year-old,” I said, tears spilling down my cheeks. I couldn’t even control myself at that point.

“Aww, it’s okay,” she said. I bashed New Haven a little more and then someone at the pump behind me beeped.

I thought about telling them to learn how to back out of a space, but Nikki told me to just pull up alongside her dad’s van. I closed my mouth and moved so the dumb New Havenian could get out. Nikki and I followed her dad back to the sprawling, disgustingly huge campus that is SCSU, and then I was on my own again. I parked and set out to find the campus police building, campus map discreetly in hand and my kickass Alice in Wonderland tote on my shoulder. It only took a few minutes, and then I went back to my car and put the sticker on it.

My next stop was the student center. I could do this. Nothing was going to get in my way.

Except suddenly the campus seemed a lot bigger than I remembered. And it was getting dark. The buildings seemed bigger and the map didn’t make any damn sense. It was freaking cold and my stubborn ass was too proud to ask for help. I wandered around, trying not to look like I was lost. I’m enjoying the campus scenery, I thought to myself. The cold stung my face and my legs. I couldn’t remember why I hadn’t brought along an extra coat and a thicker pair of gloves (and possibly a moving space heater). It got darker and darker and I started to think I was never going to find the building when I saw it.

From outside I could see the campus Dunkin Donuts. I practically ran inside and bought myself a coffee and breakfast sandwich. (The girls working were sort of rude but sort of nice. I guess New Havenians are just weird like that. She was super polite but ignored me and slowly wrote something down while I waited for her to finish taking my order.) I shoved the sandwich down my throat (it didn’t taste as good as it does here in Waterbury), and then set out for the bookstore.

Everywhere I went, people stared at me. I was seriously starting to wonder whether I had a sign on my head. Maybe my nose had fallen off from the cold. I browsed the bookstore — which is a Barnes and Noble disguised as SCSU Bookstore — and found my book. I paid and went back upstairs. This time I went to the student center cafeteria. I sat down, opened up a letter from one of my pen pals, and ignored everything around me. I wrote back to her and it still wasn’t time for my class. I began to think that coming this early had been a bad, bad idea.

I decided to go find my class. The room was listed as B303, and I had no idea what B meant. I went across the way and into the building my class is in — I didn’t get lost this time but it was still really cold! — and found my class relatively quickly. It still wasn’t time, so I sat on the floor in the hallway with a bunch of other students and endured more stares. (Maybe my sign read, NOOB HERE?)

Of course, I had to use the bathroom so I wandered back downstairs and tried to find a restroom. I must have walked by it three times before I asked someone where it was, and she told me it was around the corner. I also left my coffee in the stall and didn’t realize it until I was already halfway back to my classroom.

The class went well, though. I like my professor so far. She’s four months pregnant and told us she can’t guarantee that she won’t burp or fart or burst into tears. We’re going to be studying and writing about the five senses to work on our writing. It seems interesting and I liked my first homework assignment so we shall see.

Of course, once the class was over it was time to leave. I had to find my car — which was a little easier this time — and when I finally got back to it the first thing I did was call Mike. “You’re going to keep me awake,” I told him. (It was almost nine.)

I took a left out of the parking lot and then a left at the light; even though Nikki had told me to take a right, right didn’t look right. After about ten minutes I started to get the nagging feeling that I was lost. “I think I went the wrong way,” I said to the speakerphone Mike. Another five minutes passed. “Fuck, I’m lost. I gotta let you go. I’m gonna call my dad.”

Dad — my other hero — used his GPS and got me out of the crazy New Havenian network of one-way streets and back onto 69. By the time I crossed my city line, I probably would have kissed the ground if I didn’t want to have an A Christmas Story moment and have the cops pull my frozen lips off the pavement.

Anyway, I’m exhausted and achy and exhausted, so I’m going to bed. I’m not looking forward to driving up there tomorrow, and I’m not too sure about going to the “big girl school.” I’m pretty freaking determined, though.