Tag Archives: silly

An open letter to people who think it's okay to buy cheap, scratchy toilet paper

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Dear people who think it’s okay to buy cheap, scratchy toilet paper,

IT’S NOT.

When I am forced to use your bathroom, be it restaurant, work, or home, I need to be assured that I will not walk out of your restroom with paper cuts.

One-ply toilet paper does NOT save the environment; I end up using more than I would normal toilet paper to get and feel clean enough.

If I need to blow my nose in it, I don’t want my boogers on my hands instead of on the tissue. (As does the company cokehead with a bloody nose.)

We the people deserve more! Your friends, family, and employees deserve more! YOU deserve more! You don’t have to go all out. You can buy relatively inexpensive soft or quilted toilet paper at Walmart, Target, Rite-Aid — even stores like Store 40 or 7-Eleven carry the good stuff! Open your eyes to a whole new world of comfort, and get off your damn “I wanna save money” or “I wanna save the environment” high horse. A sore tush is not worth it!

All of my hope lies within you, dear people who think it’s okay to buy cheap, scratch toilet paper. I trust that you will make the right decision.

Join the revolution! Repost or print this to encourage those too cheap to care about your bum!

Woman versus wild curls

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There are some days when lifting my arms above my head hurts too much to bother with blow drying and straightening my hair. Sometimes I make my sister do it. Sometimes I force myself through it and take lots of breaks. Recently, I’ve just given up.

It’s much easier, I’ve decided, to twist my hair around my fingers and then pull the curls apart rather than go through all of that straightening business. Even better, I can sleep on it and it usually doesn’t require any work when I wake up.

I feel like I’ve made a major breakthrough; I can actually stand my curls now!

My mother is on Cloud 9 now that I've been wearing my hair au naturale.

My mother is on Cloud 9 now that I

Yes, it’s true — the shiny, poker straight hair you’ve been seeing in my photos is a lie. I was born with thick and tight curls that have eluded me for twenty years. I’ve only recently discovered a hair product that kills the frizz, leaves the curls soft and makes them look pretty: Herbal Essences Dangerously Straight mousse. Yep. I don’t get it, either. It makes my curly hair look and smell pretty, though.

Is this a breakthrough? Can I now be satisfied with what I was born with? Will I break the code of women’s nature? Only time will tell how long it takes before I hate my curls again.

Dropping little reels of tape

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I haven’t been sleeping well the last couple of nights.

I had a dream last night that I had to stop and get gas. I stopped at one station and didn’t like their prices so I moved on to a Sunoco. Noticing that the price was steadily dropping down, I decided to wait for it to go a little lower. Finally, it dropped to 88ยข and I put $10 into my car.

Yeah, I really was dreaming.