Tag Archives: teacher

I Did It, and Other Things

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I did it. I registered for ECE at the community college. I’m not matriculated just yet (because I’m a readmit and apparently there’s a specific period when they rematriculate readmitting students), but I submitted my readmission application, got my letter from the college saying they’ve received my FAFSA, and did all of this without having an anxiety attack of, “I CAN’T DECIDE, I CAN’T COMMIT.”

I did it.

And, I’m excited about it.

I’ll be able to register for my classes soon and then buy my books, and then I’ll officially be an ECE student. Last night as I was falling asleep, I thought, I’m going to get to teach kids how to talk! and that was the most exciting thing. The only thing that sucks is, I have to wait until January to start. It’s going to be 2012 before I’m officially in school again. That’s kind of a weird thought, even though it’s not actually so far away.

It’s probably a good thing, though, because I have plenty of time to get everything else in order. I’m looking for a second job, at least for during the holiday season. The one I have is only giving me an average of fifteen hours a week, which is nothing; every Friday, I pay a couple bills, and then I’m broke again. I have no extra money for gas or doctors’ copays, or vitamins, or anything. I keep asking for more hours, and they say more are coming or that they’re going to cross-train me in another department so I’ll have more hours that way, but so far, nothing. I’m only making $100-135 a week. If I were still a teenager, that’d be cool, but not so much now. I work my ass off at my job, and my manager — who is also human resources — is always commenting on how hard I work and how well kept the registers always are when I’m working, so you’d think I’d have cross-trained already or they’d at least through me another five hours a week, but no.

I’m not going to talk about that anymore, though, because it just frustrates me.

I’m still trying to come up with an idea for NaNoWriMo. Nothing appeals to me. At this rate, I might just use the time to finish Secondhand Mom instead of starting anything new. I don’t know, though; I hate the idea of not doing NaNoWriMo this year. I also hate that I keep talking and thinking about finishing Secondhand Mom, when all I have to do is just do it.

I bought a four-pack of Play Doh, because who said you have to be a kid to have fun? I haven’t opened it yet, though.

Speaking of fun, I discovered that my laptop has Windows Movie Maker on it, so I’m trying to come up with an idea for a video. I’m so glad I didn’t buy any video editing software. Someone told me I should have Windows Movie Maker but I couldn’t find it, so I’ve had my eye on some Sony video editing software for a while. I stumbled upon WMM the other day while digging through the Accessories section looking for I don’t even know what. Thanks for hiding that, Microsoft.

Maybe I’ll make a stop motion movie using my Play Doh.

Off My Mind: Things I am Not Going to Worry About

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Lately I’ve been worrying so much that I barely have time for anything else, in my head at least. The other day I realized that I just need to stop worrying… so I did. This is unprecedented in Liz history. The worries are still there, of course, but they no longer threaten to suck me dry. I no longer feel like I’m going to break into little pieces. I still need to purge my system, though, and get these worries off my mind.

I am not going to worry about money anymore. My paycheck every Friday isn’t that great — I work fifteen hours a week and earn minimum wage — and it may be tight every week, but I’m okay. It’ll be even less tight after next Friday, when I pay off the last bill in the stack of bills that I need to catch up on. Hell, I’m even managing to save a little bit of money every week. I’ve gotten damn good at budgeting. Clearly I am wife material.

I am not going to worry that every family member’s health problem is a death sentence anymore. Well okay, that’s probably impossible to stop doing, but I’m going to try. My aunt had her biopsy on the 21st, and the other lady in my life who needs a mammogram has yet to make an appointment, so either way it’s all out of my hands. Worrying is not going to help anything. It’s just going to make me feel sick.

I am not going to worry about my own health problems. Currently I’m in remission, meaning I have little to no symptoms. This could all change tomorrow, but I’m not going to worry about that. I’m actually feeling quite positive about this year’s New York Comic Con; last year, I hurt for days after, but this year I’m less soft because I work in retail again and I’m used to being on my feet for hours. By October 15th, I’ll be a pro. I’m not going to let my pain ruin that day for me.

I’m also not going to worry about my lack of a diagnosis. It’s got to be a good thing that they haven’t found anything, because maybe that means this will go away. Maybe it’s just some weird aftereffect of the mono I had, maybe it’s just the mono working its way out of my system all these years later. I don’t know. I caught a segment of some Mystery Diagnosis-ish show last night and the woman’s symptoms were almost to the T mine; I could have written that part of the episode. She ended up being diagnosed with Scleroderma, an autoimmune disease where the body doesn’t produce enough of the collagen protein and the body attacks its own skin cells and other tissues. It’s a rare disease marked by joint pain, fatigue, Raynaud’s Syndrome, and GI issues. It sounds pretty close to mine, and maybe it’s not mine, but once I get back on my feet and can afford another doctor’s appointment, I’m going to have Pam check my collagen levels in my next blood workup. It gives me something else to go on and something else to cross of the long list of Things That are Not Wrong with Me if the test comes back negative… but I’m not going to let it get to me.

And while we’re still on the health subject, I am so going to stop worrying about my Mirena IUD. When they first told me it could potentially poke through my uterus and cause DOOM, I didn’t worry about it. But ever since I missed my followup because I couldn’t afford the copay, I’ve been freaking out at the slightest bit of pressure in my lower abdomen. Logic tells me I would definitely know if the thing poked through my wall because I’d be in screaming pain and bleeding like a stuck pig or something, but my imagination (as we know) runs rampant and tells me that I am bleeding internally and am going to die. If you’ve ever thought I might be crazy, you now may be convinced that I am completely insane. I’m not apologizing for my imagination. It helps me write stories. :P

I am not going to worry about what I want to do for the rest of my life. I had this problem. I wanted to do everything and couldn’t pick one thing to do forever. A week ago, I realized that I don’t have to pick one thing. A career should be something you enjoy, that you want to get paid for. It shouldn’t be a life sentence. At least, not for me. I am not a “pick one thing and do it forever” kind of person. The only thing I do forever is love someone. I have many interests, all of which wax and wane. It keeps my life interesting and keeps me learning. I can already tell that I’m going to be one of those seventy-year-olds embarking on a new career, because I am always embarking on a new interest, and have already had a successful career.

Part of me wanted to be an editorial assistant, part of me wanted to be a teacher, and part of me wanted to be a surgeon. I can’t do it all at once, and I accept that. I tried to pick one thing to do forever and I couldn’t convince myself that it was okay, so when I realized that I didn’t have to choose, I felt a huge weight come off me. All I had to do was choose which one I wanted to do next. As much as I’d love to be an editorial assistant, it’s not realistic for what I want in my life right now. I’d have to go to school for another two to three years, work the retail job I have now, and then when I finished I’d have to find a job in the field… which would not be easy. I want to work as an editor for a publishing company and read people’s novels and short stories. Those jobs are very, very hard to come by, partly because of the economy, and partly because of the changing landscape of publishing. It doesn’t mean that it would be impossible. It just wouldn’t be easy.

So instead, I’ve decided to chase my other dream for now and come back to that one later: being a teacher. I’ve decided that I’d rather work as a preschool teacher because, as much as I love all kids, that age group is my favorite. And, in Connecticut, you can become a preschool teacher with either an A.S. in Early Childhood Education or your CDA certification. I’ve also heard that many preschool and Head Start programs will hire a teacher as long as they are currently working on their certification. I’ve emailed the head of the ECE department at my community college to see what my best option would be, as the certification on its own would take less time than the A.S., and I’m assuming that since I already have an A.S., I’d be just fine with the certificate.

I’d be able to start working in that field in a relatively short period of time, and then I would have a good paying job with health insurance benefits and enough income to live off of. After that, I could start pursuing my B.A. in English part-time and eventually be in that field, as well as have time to focus on my writing; most preschool teachers are part-time employed, and depending on where they teach, they also have summers off. I would also have something to fall back on if I can’t find employment as an editorial assistant. No matter how I look at it, this works for the best.

I am not going to worry about our wedding plans. Mike and I both have very different ideas of what our wedding should look like. He wants a Halloween wedding and I want a beach wedding — two very different seasons. I worried about us compromising, but I’ve decided that if we don’t, I don’t care. It doesn’t really matter to me how we get married, so long as we do get married. We’re going to talk about our wedding plans, budget, and a possible date later.

I am not going to beat myself up about my savings and worry about how soon we can get our own place. It really bothers me that I had to use the money I saved for an apartment to get through the months I was unemployed… but I’m not going to beat myself up about it anymore. I’m saving money again and moving forward. I’m considering setting up a second savings account that is only for the apartment, that way it’s out of sight and out of mind, and I won’t be tempted to tap into it next time I have a monetary emergency.

And, on a lighter note… I am not going to worry about catching up on Grey’s Anatomy anymore. I finished Episode 16 of Season 7 earlier today, DVRed the first episode of Season 8 last night, and I’ll catch up eventually. I’m not really looking forward to having to wait a whole week to see the next episode, anyway.

Also, on a completely different subject but also equally light note, I am back in my writers’ group at NVCC. I’m also sort of a team leader, the person who is there every Thursday so that we meet once a week no matter what. This also means that, every week, I have to write something. It also means that I’m taking it upon myself to ensure that, every week, we have some kind of snack. Snacks are important. I’m making the writers’ group and the Fresh Ink publication one of my priorities right now, because it helps me make writing one of my priorities. Writing and snacks are important.

What are you not worrying about, and what are you looking forward to? Leave a comment and get the bad things off your mind, and make something good your mind’s priority.

Oh, look, we're going down THIS path again!

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Confession: I’ve kind of been thinking about going back to school for a while. I’ve been thinking that, if I went back to NVCC — the community college I got my A.S. at — and got a degree in ECE (Early Childhood Education), it wouldn’t take long at all because I’ve already taken all of the regular required classes.

Confession: Things are really not working out working with my aunt. We keep butting heads over projects. She frequently treats me as if I’m not a real web designer, as if I’m some kid interning. She went on vacation for an entire month, leaving me broke. Even if one of the checks we’re owed came in while she’s away, I have no access to it. I don’t even really like web design anymore — at least, not as a career. It’s time for a change. I want to be a writer, but I’m broke now, and need to support myself while I build up that career.

BUT.

There are a lot of cons to going back to school:

  • I’d be back in school again. I’d have to juggle work with school. I’d have a heavy plate — though not as heavy as if I were working on a Bachelor’s like when I was going to Southern.
  • Being a preschool teacher would mean getting up really fucking early. I dealt with it when I was doing my field placement at Southern, but… I dunno. I guess I could suck it up if I wanted it bad enough, but… do I want it bad enough?
  • I’m still paying off about $3,700 in student loans. You know, for the entire half of a semester I went to Southern. It’s insane. I have no idea if I could get the Pell Grant again (free money to go to school), or if I’d have to add to my loan.

I don’t know. I just know that I need to do something different, and that I can’t stand the thought of working a retail job again. I want as stable a career as possible while I work on my writing career, something that I’ll enjoy.

I don’t know. I wish I did know.

I do know that:

  • I want a stable career while working toward my writing career.
  • I’m really sick of the businesswoman world. I am not a businesswoman.
  • I’ve lost interest in web design as a career.
  • I’m broke, and want a stable career that will help me build a life with Mike.
  • I love kids, and I love teaching them.
  • I keep thinking about ECE.
  • Getting a job in the education field is really not hard; teachers are always in demand.
  • Working with my aunt is not really working anymore.

I really need to make up my mind. I mean, it wouldn’t kill me to at least try it, would it?

I wish I could make a decision.

Just do it, like Nike

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I spent Friday afternoon on the phone with Southern (the university I’ve been trying to attend since last winter). After graduation Thursday night, I felt determined; I wanted to get everything squared away so that I could definitely start classes in the fall. All work and no school really brings some perspective into your life; I was bored as hell and I suddenly missed the papers, the homework, the fresh new notebooks waiting to be used. (Okay, so I have an addiction to office supplies. Whatever.)

As I learned last winter, doing things for myself without my mom to hold my hand was no easy task. As I got transferred further and further down the line of humorless staff, I thought more and more about giving up. I couldn’t seem to get the help I needed and every person I talked to transferred me before I could get a sentence out of my mouth.

I didn’t give up, though. I didn’t break down like I did last winter when I found out that my schedule had been dropped because I couldn’t afford the higher tuition cost. After the last two years of putting everything into school, after hearing Jon Savoy‘s inspiring speech about his fifteen year commitment to his Associates degree at commencement, I didn’t want to waste any time.

I’m going to double major, in English: Creative Writing and Elementary Education (for grades K-6). I’m probably insane, but I want to do it. I don’t care how long it takes.

Growing up, I had several great elementary school teachers who made me want to be a teacher. Every day after school and homework, my sister and I would play school. She would be the teacher for one grade, and I would be the teacher for another grade. We both played each other’s students. We used actual textbooks that our school gave to us because they didn’t use them anymore. We printed worksheets and carefully planned lessons for our imaginary students. We wrote out math problems on black- and whiteboards. We took attendance on graphing paper from our great-grandmother. I loved every minute of it.

I don’t mind helping Mike’s little brother with his math homework. I love doing it. Even when Tony gets frustrated, I still feel calm and patient — even though I am the least patient person in the world when it comes to everything else. (Kids are my weakness. Heh.) I love playing games with my little cousin Katarina and reading to her. I love helping Tony with his spelling words and his English homework. I love coloring with my goddaughter Kaylene, or explaining to Katarina the difference between an orca and a shark.

I have always kind of wanted to be a teacher, but didn’t think I could because I am already a web designer. You already have a career, I would tell myself. You can’t do everything at once. Wait a few years and see if you still want to do this. Just wait.

But I figure, why the hell not? Why not now? Why do I have to just stick to one thing? I can do it all. I can do and be anything I want.

I’m not going to rush. I don’t expect to finish in just two years (since I transferred, I expected myself to be able to completely my Bachelor’s in another two years). I refuse to put any pressure on myself. I’ll take my time, and when it’s all over I’m going to walk across that stage again — with two more degrees.

I’m all about accomplishments these days. It feels so good to finally feel alive.