Back to School

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

I love the newness of this time of year. Maybe it’s because it’s almost my birthday, marking the beginning of another year of life. Or maybe it’s because, all throughout childhood, this is always the time I’d be getting ready to start a new year of school. Whatever it is, the end of summer and early fall—this in between time—have always brimmed with possibility.

This is usually when my writing is most productive. Last year around this time, I wrote a 60K-word novel in two weeks. This year, I’ll be doing something a bit different.

I’m going back to school.

Throughout the past six years, I’ve learned a lot about publishing. I’ve released 11 novels (plus some now out of print short stories and novellas). I’m damn proud of all I’ve accomplished—especially recently making the bestseller list in three Amazon categories—and I’m looking forward to a lifelong career.

I’ve also long felt like I’ve been missing some valuable piece, though.

Whether I’ve been with a publisher or independent, I’ve been responsible for the majority of my marketing. While I can do things like write a marketing plan and create an email sequence, there’s a lot more I need to learn.

So I’ve decided to go back to school.

Right now.

I thought about it all summer, and then two weeks ago I applied to a program before I could change my mind. I start my B.S. in marketing on Monday.

I’m hoping that it won’t affect my production schedule too much, but since it’s an accelerated program, I know I’m going to have to make some sacrifices. I can’t do it all.

  • For the next eight weeks, I won’t be blogging much.
  • Aside from scheduled Facebook posts, I likely won’t be on social media often, either. I’ll do my best to reply to comments, but please know that studying will have taken over my life.
  • I will continue monthly email newsletters. You can expect them on Friday, September 8th and Friday, October 6th. (If you’re not already on my email list, sign up here.)
  • I’ve started working on a new novel. It’s a standalone second chance romance. I don’t have a release date for it yet, and likely won’t for a while. I do hope to continue publishing regularly, though.

What can I say? I like living on the edge.

Getting Out for My Own Sanity

I had such a great weekend. I’m still really low on spoons, but it was worth it.

I kicked it off on Thursday with Chapel and Good Charlotte at Toad’s Place with my sister Lauren. Chapel was new to me, but I fell a little bit in love—especially with their drummer, Kortney. She was excellent, and she also looked like she was having the time of her life, dancing and smiling the entire time she played. There may be a future character inspired by her.

Good Charlotte played well, but after middle act 3OH!3, the atmosphere changed. The crowd got pretty aggressive. We were getting shoved and hit. Let me tell you, when you’re already really sore, the last thing in the world you want is to get beat on at what should have been a tame show. Good Charlotte actually stopped playing to tell people to knock it off—that’s how bad it was.

We ended up leaving early because it was nearly midnight and Good Charlotte was still playing. As much as we would’ve liked to stay, we both agreed that we were tired… and sick of getting knocked around by other women and giant douchebags alike.

That was my first and last experience with EDM. I’ve debated whether I even wanted to write about this. But I’ve been to dozens of concerts—even stood in mosh pits—and I’ve never had such a horrible experience. It’s hard to explain, but in pits, everyone is there to bump into each other. Sometimes people get hurt, but it’s all in good fun. And everyone in the pit is there for the same thing. This was general admission—no mosh pit—and the house was packed. It was about a thousand degrees and you couldn’t breathe without brushing the person next to you. People really wanted to hurt each other; at one point, someone ripped a crowdsurfing guy down and people started beating on him.

I really think the shitty EDM group set a bad tone. Not only were their lyrics misogynistic and excessively raunchy, but the “music” itself made you feel bad. My heart was vibrating in my chest, the little hairs on my arms were shaking, and I actually felt nauseous. Throw in the lights and bass pounding on you, and… ugh. I will never understand EDM. Ever.

I mean, I don’t wanna sound surly, but the whole experience was bizarre. Even though I was enjoying the Good Charlotte nostalgia, I was really glad when Lauren asked if I was ready to head out. They’re her all-time favorite band, so I didn’t want to tap out on her, but I was more than ready.

Saturday night was much more tame, thankfully. It was time for Part II of our great summer concert weekend: Haerts and Michelle Branch. See, Lauren basically spent all summer prepping for the Bar and then taking the 12-hour exam itself, so when she saw these shows coming up, she decided to treat us. She more than earned it; everything I’ve heard about the Bar sounds brutal.

I brought my cane with me, and there was plenty of seating in the back, but we ended up right up near the stage. Carpe diem, right? No one beat on us this time, so that was cool. There were a lot of drunk girls, though, haha, and I think we both got spilled on a little—but I’ll take that over someone trying to knock me over.

Haerts was another new-to-me band, and again I fell in love. They’re ordinarily a duo, but they had a full band with them, and they sounded amazing. I thought Nini reminded me a bit of Stevie Nicks. She had some pipes on her!

Then it was time for Michelle Branch and let me just say, my inner 12-year-old self was completely validated. I was a little bit in awe, especially since she had a range of guitars, swapping them out for certain songs. She was the reason I started writing (terrible) songs in eighth grade. I used to carry around a notebook and dream of the day when I’d finally learn to play guitar and put my words to music.

Well, turns out I’m instrumentally challenged, but I haven’t stopped writing.

It also turns out that cane dancing is possible. Having a cane comes in handy when you need to get off your hip for a moment but don’t want to stop dancing. I definitely had a better time at the College Street Music Hall shows than I did at Toad’s on Thursday. I was also less sore after.

On Sunday, we got up early and drove to the lake to spend the day with Noni and Aunt Wendy. Unfortunately my mom had to sit this one out because of her neck. Even though we missed her, we had a great day.

I spent yesterday recovering and doing a bit of editing. My brain was mostly mush, though, and I was in bed by 7 p.m. (but didn’t fall asleep until around 2 a.m., sigh). Though I’m still pretty tired today, I’m still riding a Haerts and Michelle Branch buzz.

Music is a kind of magic to me. I’m really glad my sister got me out and about this weekend. It’s too easy to let the pain win, to get dragged into a life of hibernation, a routine of rest. While I try to listen to my body and take it easy as much as possible, sometimes—for my own sanity—I have to push it.

Sometimes the pain is worth it.

I Want to Be the Kind of Person Who…

via Unsplash

I’ve been in reactive mode for as long as I can remember; things keep happening, and I do things in response. For years I’ve felt like I’ve only just been keeping my head above water. Now, I know shit happens in life and I can’t necessarily control everything, but I’d really like to break out of that cycle.

Yesterday Sandy and I were looking for a laugh and searched for “how to adult” videos on YouTube, when we came across this.

What I thought was going to be funny ended up really opening my eyes. I don’t think I’ve been victimizing myself, per se, but considering all the trauma I’ve been through, it’s really easy to fall into a trap where I feel like bad things just keep happening to me.

It’s time for good things.

I keep seeing all of these indie authors making it and thinking things like “When is it going to be my turn?” and “What am I doing wrong?” I see friends buying houses and going on vacations, and I wonder if those things will ever happen for me. It’s not my fault that I got sick or that my pain is so debilitating I can’t hold down a “normal” job, but there are things I can control.

In December I got a new phone and one of its features is a bedtime and wakeup time. It’s been a game changer for me. All I had to do was tell it how many hours of sleep I wanted per night, then fiddled around a bit with a dial until I found times that I could live with. Since then, I’ve been going to bed around 11 p.m. and waking up at 8 a.m. almost religiously. I say “almost” because I have it set for weekdays and let myself stay up and sleep in a bit later on weekends. Aside from a few exceptions—painsomnia, events, Stardew Valley or Netflix rabbit holes—I’ve been sticking to this for months. And you know what?

I’ve been much more productive. I sleep better. I have more energy. I’m in a better mood.

I still have pain, I still have fatigue, I’m still sick, but combined with my new meds, I’m in a much better place. And all I did was change one small thing.

Kalyn’s video got me thinking: What if I took things a step further? Rather than stumbling upon and playing with an iPhone feature, I can make some conscious tweaks and improve my life even more. I sat down and thought about the kind of life I want, and I came up with this list:

  • I want to be the kind of person who will write every day.
  • I want to be the kind of person who is able to comfortably pay my bills and buy necessities.
  • I want to be the kind of person who has my own car.
  • I want to be the kind of person who can buy a house.
  • I want to be the kind of person who will regularly treat myself to a manicure and pedicure.

 

This week I wrote every day. I didn’t set a daily word count goal (though I do like to write at least 1K words). I was just happy with myself as long as I wrote. Usually, even if I didn’t feel up to it, the words started flowing after I pecked away at the keyboard for a bit. It didn’t hurt that I’m really enjoying writing Any Other Love. Even though I’d like to write much more, much faster, I’m still making progress. I’m making my way to 25K, then 30K, then 40K… all the way to my projected 70K.

I don’t work on weekends, so I don’t usually write then (but sometimes if I’m really fiending, I “sneak” in some writing). Saturdays and Sundays are mine to do with as I please. Netflix and chilling on my couch in the old fashioned sense of the word? Yep. Playing an obscene amount of Stardew Valley? Yes. Spending time with friends and family? Oh yeah.

Those are two more simple rules that I follow, and it works.

I’m still figuring out a plan for the other things—after all, one doesn’t simply buy a house out of thin air—but they feel achievable using these principles.

What kind of person do you want to be? Let me know in the comments!