Tag Archives: toys r us

No sleep 'til Christmas

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It really sucks that Mike works third shift at the most popular store during the holidays. Every year, as we get closer to Christmas, I see him less and less. This year, it’s a little different since we live together, but it still sucks; from here on out, he has no days off until Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. At least he doesn’t have to work Christmas Eve, like he did last year. The year before that, when he gave me my promise ring, I barely saw him until Christmas, either.

Whine.

I know, I know. It won’t kill me; I live with him! But it might kill him. He’s already working longer shifts because of the truck deliveries. Last night, he went in for eight instead of ten. I don’t know what time he got home this morning, but he’s supposed to be out at six. How often that happens — he usually comes home later — depends on how much stuff they have to do. I just hope he doesn’t end up overexhausted.

Tonight we’re going to a wake for Robbie’s — Mike’s brother, my future brother-in-law — grandma. The funeral is tomorrow morning, so Mike is just going to come home from work and then we’ll go. He’s such a good brother.

I’m still not ready for Christmas. Tomorrow I’m making cookies with Noni, Mom, and Lauren, then going out shopping with Sandy. I doubt I’ll be doing any shopping. It’s all going to depend on Mike’s paycheck (since he offered to let me borrow money for gifts), or if I get paid by some miracle this weekend. Christmas is a week away.

It sucks that I might not be able to get anyone gifts until after Christmas — or that I might have to do my shopping completely last minute, gah — but I’m trying not to stress too much about it. I did get gifts for all the kids on my list: Kaylene, Konner, Katarina, Tony, and Ciana. They’re all small gifts, but good ones.

Oh, if only the holidays weren’t so damn stressful. I might actually get a good night of sleep! I remember being a kid and being excited. Now I just can’t wait to get it over with! I’m kidding. The time with my family — and that includes Mike’s side of the family — will be nice. We’re going to have dinner on Christmas Eve with my dad’s side of the family. Then, on Christmas Day, we’re having dinner with his mom’s side of the family, and then dessert at my aunt’s with my mom’s side of the family. I feel accomplished for having figured out how to split up fair time with all of our family.

I’m also taking tons of pictures this year, of everyone. This will be Mike’s and my fifth Christmas. It’s kind of romantic, when I think about it.

Way beyond my reach

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I wish the holidays were over already. Aside from being super stressed out about projects for clients, and worrying like crazy about Popi, I’m now barely going to see Mike on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

In years past, Toys R Us closed at like 6 on Christmas Eve and wasn’t open at all on Christmas Day. This year, they’re still closed on Christmas Day, but they’re open until 8 on Christmas Eve. Scratch that, as of today; Corporate sent an email at the last possible fucking minute and told everyone that they’d be open until 9.

What. The. Fuck.

Why does this matter?

Let me back up. Initially, Mike was scheduled until 8. He was trying to find someone to switch with so he could come over my house and have dinner with Noni, Popi, Biz Noni, Mom, Dad, Lauren, Aunt Wendy, Uncle Lonny, and I, but couldn’t, so he was going to see if he could just leave early because they will probably be dead. Now that they’re going to be open until 9, his boss asked him to stay until they close.

And he agreed.

Trust me when I say he already knows how pissed I am about this.

I understand why he’s doing it. Right now, he’s on great terms with his boss and the district manager, and he really wants to keep those relationships positive in case any higher positions open up. I get that. But still, I had a perfect picture of how Christmas would go, and now it’s just not going to be like that. I can’t help but be selfish and want to have things go my way. So much has not gone my way these last couple of years: my own health, my grandfather’s health, my living situation… I know I should just shut the fuck up and be grateful for what I’ve got. I know that. So many other people have it worse. It just feels like I’ve had a shitty line of luck lately and I guess I was depending on the holidays to be perfect so it could all be better.

To make things worse, I have a huge project deadline for the end of the month that can bleed into the first week of January because of some crazy server issues, but the deadline is making me nauseous because with all of the holiday shit going on, I have barely had time to work on it. Add a whole lot of lack of motivation, and I’m pretty fucked. Fuck you, depression. You’re such a greedy asshole.

So it’s no wonder that I’ve (sort of) picked up smoking again. I made sure not to buy myself a lighter tonight when I picked up a pack of Marlboro Lights. I’ve only had one so far. I don’t feel like I need one now, which is good, I guess. Right now, it’s either smoke or kill someone. Or run away to Florida.

It’s hard to get in the holiday spirit when so much shit is all fucked up. I miss being a little kid, and having only one worry this time of year: Santa not knowing that I really want a Gigapet, or whatever toy. (One year, I asked him every night before bed during this season to bring me a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup. No lie. My love of Reeses started early.)

This year, Santa, all I want is to feel better. Actually, scratch that. I just want everything to go back to the way it was in mid November, when everything was better. When Daddy didn’t lash out every five seconds because he is hurting so badly inside. When I would go to the Barnes and Noble Cafe every afternoon to write with a Pumpkin Spice Latte at my side. When we looked forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas, not a care in the world. When I thought Popi might just have arthritis or a sciatic nerve problem, or something FIXABLE, dammit.

Right now, it feels like nothing in my life is fixable. I feel like I have no friends. I feel like I can’t rant too much to Mike because he is already stressed out enough and I know that by whining that he has to work late tomorrow night, I’m only making it worse. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around my whole family, because I don’t want to say out loud that shit, I don’t believe in god so I have no fucking clue where my grandfather is going to go when he dies.

Fuck.

There it is, guys. There it fucking is.

Quickie!

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My life is so boring right now:

  • I start at SCSU on Monday. I’m just now getting anxious about it. I still have to go get my books and a backpack (so I don’t have to carry anything). I’m a little nervous about driving back and forth there by myself. It’s all so unfamiliar and weird. I know I’m being silly and will get used to everything really quickly. I usually thrive on big changes like this. So.
  • I just updated and submitted my resume. I’m hoping to get a full-time web design job with one of the big web design firms in my area so that I can get my own place.
  • I started a website for a really big local restaurant at work today. I really like the design mockup I made this afternoon. I honestly didn’t want to go home, and for the longest time after I got home I just sat and daydreamed about finishing this site. I’m such a nerd. Heh.
  • I’ve been using Facebook a lot more lately, and only because I’ve been using it for work. I actually like it now. So if you have one, add me!
  • I want to start building and decorating dollhouse kits. I know it’s so childish, but I think they’re really pretty. Target has them on their website, and so does Toys R Us. I think it’d be a fun hobby to get in touch with my inner child with. Don’t judge me. :P
  • I really need to start writing daily — and I don’t just mean blogging. I need to start writing at least a chapter a day and finish my novel.
  • I’ve been trying to take better care of myself. I’ve officially quit smoking, have been organizing different appointments with doctors, dentists, and staying on top of my chronic pain. Now I need to go get a haircut. I badly need a trim, and I’m not just saying that to make excuses to pamper myself. My hair is really dried out and I have a lot of split ends. :(

This is by far my most boring update, so I’ll understand if you unsubscribe from my feed. ;)