Kind of thinking about killing my (present) online presence. There’s no particular reason; I just don’t feel like being on Twitter and Facebook, or blogging anymore.
Kind of feel the need to redefine myself.
Kind of like a phoenix
5
Tag Archives: twitter
Another reminder
By dinnertime, I hadn’t showered, and I had a pile of work in front of me. (It’s a lot less daunting, though, now that I’ve made a production schedule for myself.) I only meant to log in to Twitter for two seconds to tell the internet that I was eating Halloween candy, and then I saw @maureenjohnson‘s tweet about a blog @libbrabray had written.
The post was a letter to a seventeen-year-old girl Fiona, who had asked Libba for advice because Fiona doesn’t know which school she should go to once graduating high school. From Fiona’s original question, though, it’s pretty obvious that she does know what she wants, but I read Libba’s response anyway.
It moved me, in the same way that Jill Blashack Strahan’s keynote at the 2010 BWF moved me. (I’m actually thinking of getting “Start. Know where you’re going. Don’t stop.” tattooed on me now.) I cried while reading Libba’s words out loud, because even though I’m not a teenager getting ready to go out into the so-called real world, I too want to do what I love. There is a big part of me that wants to throw everything away just so I can spend my days writing. (There’s a bigger part that yells, “NO, WE NEEDS THE MONEY!” and wins that particular argument every time. Sigh.) Like Fiona, I know what I want. I just need to go after it, and to hell with what anyone else wants or thinks.
All of Libba’s words moved me, but this in particular stood out:
No one knows how your life is going to go. And there is no such thing as “a safe road.” You cannot program a life. “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” –John Lennon. I still write to save my life, to face my demons, to make sense of the world and my place in it. I write to understand my deepest fears and to make my peace with all my failings. And yes, I still write for the joy of it.
I too write to save my life, to face my demons, and to figure out who I am and where I fit into this world. It’s why the tagline of this blog is “What the hell is Elizabeth?” I am a work in progress, always growing and changing, always becoming more in tune with myself. I think, honestly, being sick both mentally and physically has taught me how to know myself better. (I have even learned that being sick does not have to mean throwing up or being bedridden.) This is why I am still blogging here, why I still have a journal tucked away next to my bed, and why I write stories. I am always thinking, always wondering, always wanting to put those thoughts and ideas into words and phrases and sentences that explain things, that helps me understand things. It’s one of the reasons why I read so much.
I’m getting off track here (as usual; I am pretty sure I have ADHD). I need to refocus on MY WANTS. I’ve begun ignoring myself again. Work has once again taken over my life. In November, writing will be my main focus, but what about before and after that? My soul yearns for writing to always be my main focus, and yet I spend my time thinking (and writing) about it.
Maybe it’s impossible for me to rearrange my workload as a web designer. Maybe being a web designer is no longer a fit for me, at all. Maybe, in order to do what I want, I need to let it go completely. (But damn, the money is so good, and I do enjoy social media consulting and campaigning.)
I do know, however, that work is burning me out, and by the time the day is done, I’m too tired to do anything I’d like to do. Having a production schedule will probably help, but it’s hard to tell just yet since I only made it last night before bed.
I also know that as long as I keep reminding myself of Jill’s words — Start. Know where you’re going. Don’t stop. — and reread Libba’s letter every so often, I won’t let my passion for writing die.
And also? I’m saving money to go to LeakyCon for Lit Day.
An internet junkie reaches out
I’m been thinking about how much time I spend blogging, tweeting, being on Facebook, and reading other blogs. I’ve decided to set aside one day a week for all of this. If I did that, I’d have more time to get work done and more time to write, and I wouldn’t feel guilty. The truth is, I feel guilty enough that I don’t read blogs like I used to. I used to read blogs every single day. Now, I’m lucky if I get on every day.
I get awfully distracted during the day. I think, “I need to tweet this!”, or “I need to check Twitter to see if so-and-so replied to me about blahblahblah!”, “Let me check my email real quick!”, or “I need to blog this!” I use these things as a means to procrastinate. I do it without even meaning to. Before I know it, I’ve spent a half hour tweeting, twenty minutes blogging, another twenty minutes reading through Facebook, and another few minutes staring at my screen trying to figure out what I was doing before. I feel guilty that, in the hour or so I spent tweeting, blogging, and on Facebook, I could have been writing, or doing some work.
I’m far from lazy. I do get things done, but I know I could and should be getting more done.
It will be hard, but I need to stop letting these things distract me. I expect I’ll be jumping on now and then anyway, but I want to make Sunday my official “blogging and social time” day. I want to discipline myself not to jump on every few minutes to check something or say something. I want to have the kind of restraint where it can wait. I don’t want to be this attention deficit creature that spends every hour of every day trying to keep up with everything and yet getting distracted like the dog in Up.
This isn’t to say I’m not going to be around at all. I’m just going to try really hard to not be on constantly, every day. So, if you see me on Twitter dicking around, slap my digital hand.
Can't we stand united for at least one day?
Last Fourth of July, Mike and I went to a huge party his sister threw at her house. She handed me a cup of Pink Sangria seconds after I walked in the door, and halfway through it I was already buzzed. We played beer pong, watched fireworks the guys set off in the backyard, and he gave me hundreds of kisses. I remember thinking it was really cool that Britt had filled a couple of blowup kiddie pools with ice and beer.
This year, I’m legally old enough to drink, but I didn’t buy my own beer. I don’t even really care about drinking. I’ve actually started to wonder whether people are actually celebrating our country’s independence, or if they’re just celebrating fireworks and booze. I’ve never really thought about just how much we’ve been taking this day for granted.
I saw someone joke on Twitter that we’re celebrating a country with a massive oil spill today. It was one of those Top Tweets and I don’t remember who it was that said it, but really?! I am in no way downsizing the spill, but that’s not all our country is. Yes, we shouldn’t have been allowing underwater drilling in the first place, but the mistakes that a company made should not reflect our country as a whole. Yes, we are industrial and material, and we don’t always make the best decisions, but I think America is still a pretty damn good place to live, considering I can have a blog, say whatever I want, and not worry about waking up with federal agents standing over me. I can start my own business, be in control of my own money, and live my life the way I want. No one tells me how I should dress, speak, or act. I can make my own decisions, travel without (much) hassle, and I can say the President sucks (although right now I don’t know how I feel about Obama; I think he’s doing the best he can and I’m honestly not sure if he could do better or worse).
Our economy isn’t great, but it’s a cyclical thing and will improve. We just have to stand united, and we have to be proud of our country and our forefathers. Otherwise, what’s the point?
Lizards instigating zealotry
I just have one question for you today, my friends: When Twitter goes down, and you want to tweet about it, what do you do? I think you need to sign up for rehab. And yes, I’m actually talking about myself.
I forgot to set goals for this month. Yes, I set New Year’s resolutions, but in the grand scheme of things, the little goals are what will carry me through and help me accomplish the bigger goals. Or at least make me feel like I’m accomplishing them.
The problem is that we’re already almost halfway through January. RATS! So I’ll just have to settle for even smaller small goals:
- Finish the Kirk section of Secondhand Mom. This is a section that flashes back to my main character’s second most important past romantic relationship and accounts for who she is in the present. It also sets up one of the most important subplots in the book: The Love Triangle. I grew up loathing love triangles, but it’s pretty integral to this story. (While we’re talking about writing, could you please give me some advice?)
- Code WordPress theme for Perpetual Smile. I seriously need to JUST DO IT. Hopefully, this week will bring the end of a HUGE client project, which will give me the free time necessary to do this.
- Code “Super Secret and Exciting Web Project” and release into the wild. This should literally take me a day to do, and it’s going to be a great piece for my portfolio, so I need to JUST DO IT, too.
Meanwhile, I also need to not lose my mind. There is so much going on that I don’t even know how to begin writing about it. I really wish life would give me a break.