Tag Archives: ultram

Someone like me

Posted on by
4

You know, as I was straightening my hair earlier, I had a whole blog post composed in my head. Thanks to Tramadol, I have no clue what it was (and can’t type, either).

I have been having pain in my left hand/wrist and my ankles all day today, so I figured I’d take Tramadol so I might actually get some sleep. The pills are 50mg, so I cut one in half and it still completely wrecked me. I should not have been using a flat iron or hair drier. Hell, I shouldn’t even be using my laptop! I can’t not take this stuff — I do need to get some relief now and then — but no matter what I do it completely messes me up. Oh well.

So, what has been going on with me?

  • I have decided to leave my second day job, mainly because I have entirely too much on my plate right now. Fortunately, they still want me to do occasional freelance work for them.
  • I’ve had several nervous breakdowns in the last couple of weeks and am trying to find a therapist. I am one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet, and I never admit when I need help. I’ve realized that I am a lot worse off than I was letting myself — and everyone else — believe. I’m not too thrilled about admitting any of this, but I hope that it helps someone else out there. Maybe it will help someone realize that they need help, too.
  • I treated myself to a pedicure this weekend. My mom and I went to the nail salon after I got out of work on Friday. Mom got a manicure and her eyebrows waxed. I totally meant to take pictures of my awesome feet — there’s something about a pedicure that actually makes my feet look cute — but I’m a slave to the Tramadol right now and probably shouldn’t be allowed to operate a camera. Just know that my toenails are ORANGE and they are smexxy! (Yes, I just said “smexxy,” which is a leftover of my old LiveJournal days.)
  • I also treated myself to the new Blue October and Kings of Leon albums. For the record, if I hear one more person mistakenly call them “The Kings of Leon” — yes, I mean you, Mr. Radio Host Guy — I’m going to curse at my stereo, worse than EVER. (Yes, that’s all I’ve got. Sigh.)
  • I really, really want elizabethbarone.com, but some real estate agency has it for some unknown, unfair reason. This is just a random fact and probably has no significance whatsoever, except that it further proves how much of a nerd and no-life I am. Since elizabethbarone.com doesn’t expire until 2012, I was trying to come up with another domain name. So far I’ve got: elizawhat.com, elizabethkaylene.com, and elizabethkaylenebarone.com, all of which are available. I basically wanted elizabethbarone.com for a portfolio website, and of course for branding purposes, and the other ones just don’t pack the same punch. This is my sad face.
  • I spent today — Easter, as some might call it — sitting on my ass playing video games. For the first half of the day, however, I had no idea what to do with myself. This is what happens when a workaholic tries to take the day off.

Blah. I really wanted to write a better update.

To be brutally honest

Posted on by
8

I’m using an old cell phone right now, from the ancient year of 1998. It’s about the size of a house phone and the ring tones are horrid.

I spent most of last night and the early hours of this morning with Mike. I can’t remember much, thanks to Ultram, but I remember laughing a lot and watching a lot of TV.

I’m really worried about my best friend right now. She won’t answer her phone and she hasn’t returned any of my calls in the last couple of days. It’s not like her to shut me out like this. I know she’s been feeling really down lately, and I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but we usually hang out Fridays so I thought she would have called me back by now.

I have a meeting on Tuesday with someone from a big web design freelancing firm. The purpose of the meeting is to discuss my portfolio and skills, and to fill out tax forms. I’m pretty sure that I am now one of their consultants. Hopefully they can get me some extra work really soon. I am trying not to worry about any of my financial problems, but they are always hanging out in the back of my head. My parents think I am bugshit crazy for taking on all of these things right now, but they should know better. I have always been an overachiever. I’m the girl you can count on, because I see everything through to the end, but just like all of those other creative folks, I’m always a hair trigger away from a meltdown.

I’ve become obsessed with hiding my problems. I’m not sure if it’s the right choice, but I’m tired of hiding. It’s nice to meet you, world. I am a talented web designer and writer. I can draw, paint, sing, and I love making handmade cards. I’m also a depressive, quite possibly undiagnosed bipolar or maybe even undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I refuse to see a counselor or get any other kind of professional help. My current coping method is denial and ice cream.

Now that that’s off my chest.

My cat has been following me around all morning and afternoon. She woke me up with her big mouth, and she won’t stop attention whoring. She is currently curled up on the floor in front of me. She looks kind of depressed. Can someone get her some catnip? I’m busy coding.

Ice cream makes everything better

Posted on by
6

I feel like crap today. My throat hurts and I just feel weird. The weirdness I can probably blame on the Ultram I took at about one this morning. My right arm was in agonizing pain so I popped one and played Sonic and Super Mario Bros on the Wii until about 2:30. Then I popped in Fantasia and my stoned ass fell asleep while watching that. It’s kind of weird that I’d still be feeling off hours and hours later. Hmn.

My throat probably hurts because I smoked three half cigarettes yesterday (which, okay, amounts to like one and a half, whatever) and hung out with Mike earlier in the afternoon and then Sandy and Chris last night. Both of them are smokers, so being around all that smoke is probably why my throat hurts.

Then again, I’m probably just lying to myself because I don’t want to think — even for a second — that I might be sick again. Nononono.

I watched Cube last night with Sandy and Chris. It was really interesting. A handful of complete strangers with different personalities and backgrounds were stuck inside of a giant cube that reminded me of a Rubik’s cube. They had to figure out how to get out of there and how to avoid the trapped rooms. I think this movie was what inspired the Saw guys.

After that we tried to get the Sega Genesis working so we could play Sonic but it finally bit the dust, I think. We ended up watching Strangeland and that’s when I decided to go home because I was in so much pain. I’ve never seen Strangeland and couldn’t pay much attention to it. I went home at about 12:30. How lame. It really sucks that I can’t take my medication while I’m out. I lose out on so much because of whatever the hell it is that’s wrong with me.

Oh well. Mike gets out of work at 2 and we’re probably gonna go get sundaes. :D