Tag Archives: writing

My Obsession with Perfection

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I’ve been doing a lot of internal excavating lately. A lot has been weighing on my mind, and one of those things is my paralysis when it comes to producing a completed work. I’ve been trying really hard to understand why this happens. The only way to understand something is to know it. Last night I visited my sister and we went to see Alan Alda lecture together. During the drive home, I took an in-depth look at my writing process.

Writing the first draft is relatively easy for me. I mean, there is a certain amount of kicking and screaming, but that’s mostly because writing is hard. We all know that. It takes a great deal from you, especially once you learn to put pieces of your heart inside each word. I can write the first draft of a short story in one day. I can write a novelette in about two weeks. It takes me a month or more to write a novel. (I’m working on writing faster, but that’s another post for another day.) I push myself to get through it, get it out, and then I walk away.

I leave it in my filing cabinet. (There is something really validating about printing out a manuscript, tucking it into a neatly labeled folder, and then cramming it into a full filing cabinet.) When it’s time, I come back to it. I try not to put a number on this amount of time. I don’t always have a choice, though, which is why deadlines can suck. If it’s up to me, though, I let myself forget about it. The best time for me to come back to a manuscript is when I accidentally find it while looking for something else.

Then I read through it. I always tell myself, “Oh, I’ll just read through it, no editing.” Inevitably I’ll find some kind of mistake or think of something I’d like to add, and then I get up and grab a red pen and highlighter. Occasionally, I’ll already have them on hand “just in case.” By the time I’m done reading through, I have a ton of notes for the next draft. I often take manuscripts or parts to my writers’ group, and I have a solid network of beta readers. (I would, however, love to have a one on one critique partner someday who writes in the same genre[s]. It would be so nice to swap manuscripts all the time. If you’re out there, I’m looking for you.)

Obviously, I start making the changes. I always save the first draft as a new file. The first is usually named something like thisisthetitle_04012013, so I’ll save the second as thisisthetitle_05042013, using the dates to figure out which draft is newest. It works for me at a glance. I picked up the habit in college, cemented it when I used to write HTML and PHP files, and have adapted it for the writerly life. If you want to steal it, feel free. I don’t remember who taught it to me, but thank you, wherever you are. It’s saved my ass on many occasions.

I really enjoy the making changes part. I guess you would call that revising or rewriting, but I just look at it as “search and replace.” I have a copy holder, so I stand up my printed-out, red-penned first draft, scan it for notes, search my document for key phrases, and make the changes. It cuts down on time, and is also a hat trick from my coding days. (Now that I think about it, a lot of my web design habits have followed me into authorhood, and they actually work really well for the trade.) When I’m done, I walk away yet again.

This process might sound cut and dry, but I don’t when to stop. I often get stuck in the revising stage, because I start over-analyzing everything and obsessing to the point where I can’t move forward with the manuscript at all. It becomes this gargantuan beast in my mind, unconquerable and hungry for my own fears and insecurities. The more I think about it, the worse I feel.

If I just throw myself into it, I feel better, but the second I start thinking about when to call it done, I freeze up again. I know it’s all just that head game all authors play with themselves, but it’s a totally different thing to be stuck in that rut. I also know that if I could just get over this issue, this fear, I will have that momentum I so desperately want. In a way, my writing life is similar to that of one of my characters’ lives. I’ve been dealing with this cycle since the end of 2011, when I decided to get one of my novels published. I struggled with it all throughout 2012 and finally self-published Sade on the Wall, and now I’m in the same boat with Ermengarde, (Cowardly) Zombie Slayer.

I know that no one is perfect. There is no such thing as the perfect book. Yet I get freaked out by the thought of having to produce a finished product, and get in my own way. I have come to recognize my problem, and have learned it the way I know how to make a pot of coffee. I just don’t know what to do about it.

While thinking about all of this, I also discovered that my problem’s roots lie in my self-doubt, the ceaseless questioning of every decision that I make. This is a personality trait that I am unable to rid myself of. I am incredibly self-aware, and I am aware that as humans, we have the ability to rewire our brains—Alan Alda told me so last night—but I am at a loss as to how to do this.

3 Tips for Snowed-In Writing

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Less than twenty-four hours in and our cars are already buried.

As the Rugrats would say, there’s a “blister” outside. Luckily, I’m cozy and warm, with an empty mug of coffee to my right, and a blanket on my lap. A blizzard might seem like the perfect time to lock yourself in a room with your computer and write like your imagination is a stampede, but being snowed in means everyone else is home, too.

I don’t know about you, but I live in a house full of people. People who I love but may or may not want to kill while being confined to a four-room house with them. I imagine that this sentiment is even worse when you’re surrounded by children with pent-up energy.

So how do you get that scene written during a snow day (or snowpocalypse or snOMG as we’re calling it)?

Buckle Down

You’re going to need more willpower and discipline than ever. All other businesses may be closed, but as long as you have a notebook and a pen, you have no excuse. You need to set a word count, time limit, or some other goal that will give you a clear way to measure so that you know you’ve fulfilled your requirement. (You should be doing this normally, but hey.)

If you’re alone, this isn’t that hard, but if you have other people in the mix, you will have to create boundaries. Explain to your roommates that although they get the day off, you still have to work. Unfortunately, small children don’t understand boundaries, and your spouse may insist on a movie date on the couch.

Create a Writing Cave

You may have a home office with a lock. You may not. Some of us write on drafting desks shoved into a corner of the dining room. (Hi.) Your word-slaving den might have to be more psychological than physical. Hopefully you’ve already invested in a good pair of headphones and own at least one movie soundtrack. If you have the headphones but no score, you can search YouTube for “ocean waves.” There is a particular video that plays exactly an hour of ocean sounds.

This will help you tune out the noise around you, and relax your frazzled snow-buried mind into creativity mode. It may also put you to sleep. Exercise caution while operating your computer.

If you don’t have headphones, you are going to have to create the illusion of a barrier between your work in progress and the rest of the house. Send your kids outside for a snowman-building contest (and engage the deadbolt behind them). ;)

Move your desk so you face the wall as you write. Even if there is a TV going in the same room, you’ll be positioned so that you can’t look at it unless you physically turn around. A word count goal or time limit should take care of the rest.

What if your children are too young to go outside by themselves, or your family insists on having an indoor snowball fight?

Write While Everyone is Asleep

Sometimes, you have no choice but to stay up late, or get up early. (Alternatively, you can slip Ambien into everyone’s hot cocoa.) My favorite time to write is when the house is still and everyone is still in dream land. In fact, it kind of messes up my mojo once everyone’s awake. If you’re feeling tired or aren’t a morning person, give yourself a special treat as incentive to stay awake. I look forward to my morning cup of coffee, even though I abhor the whole getting out of bed thing. It also helps when there are bagels.

To make that time even more productive, cut off your connection to the internet so you aren’t tempted to procrastinate with Facebook or LOLCats. This may also mean throwing your phone across the room or burying your tablet under the sofa cushions. Good thing you invested in an Otterbox.

How do you get your daily writing in when snow crashes your plans? Are you in the path of winter storm Nemo? Hopefully you are safe, have power, and already got your daily word count in.

♦♦

What did you think of this post? I’ve decided to position my blog as a sort of writers’ lifestyle guide. If you have any suggestions for topics or questions you’d like me to answer for future posts, please let me know in the comments!