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I Survived My Birthday

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Well, after almost three days of being off the grid, we got power back a few hours ago. I honestly feel kind of guilty, since we were managing just fine, and on the news tonight they showed all of the damage and further safety issues throughout the state. We could have had it so much worse, and yet now we have power and it’s almost like nothing happened here, while much of the state is at risk for flooding, is still off the grid, and suffered a lot of property damage.

Still, I also feel like we’re very lucky, and I’m very grateful. We spent the last few days cooking on the gas stove in our apartment. We lost a lot of food, but managed to save some of it, too. Last night, Mike, Lauren, and I walked around the corner to Mary’s house and played games by candlelight with Sandy, Mary, and Taylore. We had a lot of fun.

Saturday night, before Irene hit, we had everything ready; Mom and Dad had stocked up on water, batteries, and non-perishable food, I got Squirt’s cat carrier ready, I packed a bag of clothes just in case we had to evacuate, and we all tried to sleep without much luck. By the time Irene hit, though, it was only a tropical storm — which still does a lot of damage, but less than a hurricane, so Connecticut was fairly lucky, relatively speaking. I’m glad we didn’t have to evacuate or go into the cellar, because Biz Noni — my great-grandmother — would have had to go outside in it, and the thought of that really bothered me.

We also faced the possibility of looting and home invasions. Like Dad said, people get desperate and you just never know, so he loaded up the shotgun and we all, I think, slept with one eye open. It was a little unnerving, in the middle of a completely pitch black neighborhood that isn’t all that safe to begin with. Still, we didn’t have any major problems, and I’m more grateful than I could ever possibly express.

Unfortunately, we’re kind of back to reality, and my reality right now is my car, affectionately known as Ellie. It shit the bed a couple of days before the storm; poor Mike was driving by himself, and it literally died in the middle of the road. Right now it’s up in the BJ’s parking lot, and we have no idea what’s wrong with it. For the last few weeks, it’s been smelling like burning rubber after driving it for a while, but there wasn’t any smoking or anything wrong that I could see, so we don’t even know yet if it’s the same problem. Dad’s going to look at it tomorrow, now that we’re out of the “dark” and my sister Lauren is moved back into her dorm.

So yeah, it’s been an exciting week. I can definitely say I’ve never had this exciting of a birthday. Luckily, we had cake on Saturday, so at least I got my ice cream cake before we lost power Sunday, on my actual birthday. I think that would have added insult to injury, as shallow as that might sound. My mom and dad got me the Lungs album by Florence + the Machine, and I can’t stop listening to it. It’s really, really good. I’m pretty obsessed with it, and can already tell it’s going to be one of the CDs I will have owned for years and have come close to wearing out.

Today, the 31st, is Mike’s and my five-year anniversary. He had some super secret, big plans for my birthday and our anniversary, but because of the car it’s going to be a while. We’re still going out to dinner I think, because he said Mom and Dad told him he could borrow Mom’s car to take me out to dinner. As crazy as this might sound, I think a quiet night out will be more than enough of a gift in my eyes, after the week we all had.

If you’re on the East Coast, how are you faring after Miss Irene came to visit? I hope you’re safe.

Why America is Like a Spoiled Eighteen-Year-Old Kid

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I rarely get political here, but I feel like I should at least write something about everything going on here in the country that I call home.

America has no credit rating. It’s basically like a spoiled kid turning eighteen, applying for and getting approved for a credit card, using it to buy a car, a flat screen, and a whole closet full of clothes, and then realizing when the bill comes in that they never had money for any of it and will be paying it off for the rest of their life. It’s bad enough when you’re a naive kid with a piece of plastic in your pocket, and your credit card company basically owns you, but it’s pretty terrifying when you’re a country with people depending on you for stability and an entire other country basically owns you.

Even worse, America is like an eighteen-year-old kid who doesn’t have a job; this country exports so little, it’s ridiculous. I remember reading about trade when I was in elementary school and there was such a thing as a Geography textbook; we learned about each country’s different imports and exports, and read about natural resources and their role in trade. We also read about the history of America’s trade, and looking back now, we went from a country with a good balance of import and export to a country almost solely importing, which is basically the same as having a bottomfeeding uncle for a relative. For example, I don’t understand why we, when we have so much of it, import most of our oil and export only a little. We could very easily be self-sufficient with the oil we do have, while exporting much of it to make money, but we don’t, and it doesn’t make sense to me.

Another example is all of our made-in-China clothing. We certainly have the resources here, but because it’s cheaper to have a tee shirt made by a child, we elect to import it instead. Hell, even Barbie, the all-American doll, is made in China, Indonesia, and Malaysia. My sister and I used to make a game of checking Barbie’s lower back to see where she came from.

We are a greedy, lazy people, and it’s going to be the destruction of what our forefathers worked so hard to build, unless something changes, and soon. We need to focus less on politics and more on bettering our country, but the game of politics has become exactly that — a game — and most likely won’t change anytime soon.

TL;DR
Dear America: Please get a fucking job.

"…things that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!"

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With about two weeks left until the fall semester starts, I’d been getting kind of anxious about my application. I’d applied on June 28th and still hadn’t heard anything, so I called the admissions department this morning. I didn’t get good news.

Apparently, my application hadn’t “moved forward.” She put me on hold while I pondered what that meant, then came back relatively quickly — so at least I didn’t have to wait forever — and told me that when I’d moved my application from the last time I’d applied, it didn’t move forward in the system because I’d last applied in 2009 and they can only go back a year.

I get that it’s my fault, but when the hell were they going to tell me? They could have at least sent me a letter or an email saying, “Hey, dumbass, you’ve got to reapply, because it’s been too long since you last applied.” I’ve basically been wasting my time since June.

I also asked her if it would be too late if I applied now, and she gave me a really vague answer which translated to, “Yes, it is too late, but we can’t tell you that straight up because we don’t want to discourage anyone.”

I don’t really have a problem reapplying, but let’s face it: there are two weeks before the semester starts, so am I really going to get in? And, if I did, would there be any openings left for the class I need to take? As it is, you’re supposed to allow four to six weeks for a decision. Since I’m also a transfer student, I’m pretty sure I’d also have to wait for my transcripts to be sent in again and who knows how long that would take.

Plus, I have to pay the $50 application fee again, and of course I don’t really have it. I mean, I do have fifty bucks I could scrape up, but then I won’t have gas to get back and forth from work, or money to buy anything to take with me for lunch at work. Since I have no idea when I’ll be getting my first paycheck, I’m kind of reluctant to spend any money right now.

So, I’m going to think about it a little more. I can always apply for the Spring 2011 semester, instead. I’m just impatient and really want to get started. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if I had to wait, because then I could whittle my student loan down a little more, save for the first class I have to take, and get a few other things in order, but I really wanted to start in two weeks, dammit.

Is it Apathy or Have I Finally Lost My Mind?

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I just spent two hours inside Jo-ann’s, and walked out with nothing. I promised myself some things to start my learn-how-to-sew adventure if I stopped picking at my face for at least four days, but when I started looking at the things I’d need, I froze. I don’t really know why. I just suddenly didn’t feel motivated at all. At first I thought maybe I was just too intimidated by the idea of learning how to sew, so I decided to get some more things for embroidery instead, because I already know the basics thanks to the crafts class I took as an elective. I gathered all of the things I needed… and then started putting things back.

I spent two hours in the store, and I didn’t get a single thing. The only thing I got was a conglomerate of feelings, none of them good. I told myself, “Okay, no big deal. I’ll just start saving money for a sewing machine, and that will be my… down the road reward.” Thinking of money, though, made me feel worse because I really don’t have any extra money at all, and can’t seem to find a job, so I shouldn’t have made plans to buy anything, and definitely shouldn’t be thinking about buying something as big as a sewing machine. Then I just started feeling bad about not having a job, and beating myself up about it… and so it went.

My original plan was to get my sewing things and Barbie, then go to Barnes and Noble to sit in the Starbucks cafe to do some writing. After all of that, I didn’t feel like writing  at all, so now I’m sitting in the cafe blogging and eating out my feelings in a spinach and feta stuffed pretzel and triple chocolate cookie. I also have a White Chocolate Mocha, of course. I actually don’t even want to be here — I’d rather be home playing Sims or something equally unproductive — but I needed that White Chocolate Mocha to cheer myself up.

In short, I am pathetic, and I really need to snap out of this. I’ve been feeling this… flat feeling for about a year now, and it’s getting worse. Obviously it all started when Popi… when we lost him, but now it’s just building on itself and spiraling almost out of control. I feel like I am drowning, but I don’t know what to do about it. I think if I could find a job or if SCSU would send me my acceptance letter (dammit), I’d be busy and wouldn’t have time to feel this way. Instead, the days just drag on and my life is spent sitting in the same spot on the couch every day, surfing the internet, filling out job applications, and playing Sims 2. I’m actually surprised no one has said anything to me about my lack of moving from said couch. (I do get up to pee, and go outside to smoke, and sleep in my own bed, but except for that, it’s the couch, all day, every day.) I don’t even like to leave my house. Why would I need to? I have the internet on my couch!

Something really nice happened today, though. While I was at Jo-ann’s, buried deep in the land of sewing and quilting and crafts, Mike called me from work to ask if I’d left my windows down. It started downpouring and he thought I might have left my laptop bag with my laptop in it in the car while running my errands. I didn’t, of course — because I live in Waterbury and a laptop in a car unattended is just screaming to be taken — but it made me feel all melty. We’ve been arguing a lot lately, so it just reminded me why I love him so much and to stop sweating the small shit. And, while I was about halfway through this post, he walked over from work while on his break and stopped in to say hi. Please excuse me while I turn into a little melty puddle of girl.

How do you snap out of long periods of apathetic depression? The good news is, all of this blah is giving me inspiration for Sade on the Wall. The bad news is, I can’t seem to motivate myself to write, even though I want to. (This is why I’m never going to publish anything. Sigh.) What are your tips and tricks for climbing out of this hole?

No More Picking: Day 4

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Also, shortly after making this vlog, I discovered a new way to annoy Mike. The “All for You” song does the trick, but any Mariah Carey song will make him threaten to burn an X into my forehead. I need your help. Give me Mariah Carey songs to sing to him! The only one I can think of and remember is “Sweet Fantasy” or whatever. I need a full arsenal, and you’re my only hope.